


I’ve been quiet for too long

by Smugdendingle



Category: Emmerdale, robron
Genre: Angst, Brainwashing, Captivity, Depression, Hallucinating, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Memories/Flashbacks, Obsession, Physical Abuse, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Psychological Trauma, Rape, Robert’s past, Sexual Abuse, Stalking, Substance Abuse, Torture, Triggers, Verbal Abuse, anxiety/panic attacks
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-18
Updated: 2019-07-01
Packaged: 2019-09-22 03:26:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 17
Words: 64,240
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17052209
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Smugdendingle/pseuds/Smugdendingle
Summary: Robert goes to a meeting, he decides to go to the bar for a well deserved pint. He does not expect, after all these years, the man he resents to be there. The memories, feelings and heartache come back even more painful than they used to be before.What happens to his, Aarons and Liv’s lives when something sinsister happens and changes everything?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This will be a multi chapter fic, where it dives in Robert’s days in London, and what happened there. I would say this fic maybe triggering for some, I have put the tags on. I am rubbish at notes sorry, I’m sorry if I’ve upset anyone with this story.

“ Robert Jacob Sugden! Long time no see! “ The man said walking over to Robert at the bar not noticing how he looks god smacked, how the colour drains from his face. 

Robert just wishing he went home after the meeting, wishing the ground chooses this moment to swallow him up. 

John slaps Robert on the shoulder with a smile on his face, he just pretends like they are old friends. “ I’m fabulous you know! Just got a contract signed done and dusted, so I’m going to have more money in the bank. “ John said smugly loving how he makes Robert look scared like this, he is loving to torment Robert like this. 

“ That’s good, actually I need to go.. “ Robert said moving his briefcase off the bar. 

Some expression rushes across Johns face but it quickly moves across. “ come on Robby don’t be like this, this is the first time we’ve reunited since the last time. “ he says darkly but is laced with happy tone. 

He flinched when John called him by that nickname remembering the memory which changed his life. 

( “ See How much you want Me? I’m only doing this to show you how much I need you Robby. “ He smirked as he pushed himself into Robert, not listening to the horrid gasps and cries. 

“ ... please sto- “ He was interrupted when the new waves of pain burst through him when John was moving faster and faster and moving side to side in a rapid pace. 

“ my Robby. You will always be mine. “ he moans into Robert’s shoulder ignoring how Robert has gone into unconscious. ) 

 

John laughs, moves forward and gently strokes Robert’s hand when he tries to pull away John grips him tight causing his knuckles to go white. 

“ Come on Robby that was a long time ago now you were young and vulnerable, somebody had to show you what a real man feels like. “ He says with a patronising tone 

Robert yanks away his hand not noticing how it bounced off the edge of the bar counter. He feels like he is going to faint, maybe he is going to faint? His chest tightening so tight it might snap and splinter like rope. He is shaking uncontrollably feeling like he is back in that moldy, dusty room with that old, dirty mattress. When he was pushed onto it he remembers the springs digging into his spine but that was nothin compared to what John did. 

“ I was 19! 19 years old living in my shitty apartment in London with a nice job and I was actually happy for the first time since my dad throw me out! And what happens then? “ Robert shouted at John voice breaking, whole of his insides hurting like he is going through that day again. “ You come to my apartment and you got me drunk and started kissing me ignoring how I pushed you away! Ignoring my pleads for you to stop and the next morning you leave a note saying how you enjoyed your night! You know how I felt? “ he screeches tears falling down his face years of this being hidden, trying to push away the memories finally being released. 

“ Do I care Robby? “ John sounds bored rolling his eyes. 

“ Your pathetic. “ 

“ Yeh? So are you! Telling the police? Telling them what I did? And then taking it to court and for what? For the jury to say I’m not guilty. All those months for nothing Robby and you know why? “ He leans closer to Robert with a nasty smile on his face grabbing Robert’s wrist tighter as Robert feels trapped again. “ Because you were a pathetic little boy nobody would trust and believe a little scumbag like you would they? Your dad was right you know? You are a disappointment you are an embarrassment to Jack, to the Sugdens. You still are a little whore and always will be. “ he pushes Robert hard against his chest and watches the man fall to the floor hitting his head against the floor seeing the chairs clatter against the impact as they fell with him. “ You are a piece of shit Robby, you little fat dick. “ John said those last three words with three painful kicks to Robert’s stomach, he grabbed Robert’s collet pulled him up His face inches away from Robert’s. “ Nice little chat Robby. “ he drops Robert again walks out the bar. 

Robert lays on the hard floor for few moments everything running through his head, all the memories coming back to the surface again when he thought he buried them deep enough to the point where he can just forget it all. 

He was wrong. 

The years when he was away in London coming back to the surface again. He flinches fast when he feels someone grabbing his arm to pull him up, he knows they are only helping but it doesn’t help the horrible itch under his skin. 

He gets up fast falling against the bar and gets his briefcase runs out of the bar, running to his car and speeds off out of the car park. He has tears falling down his face his chest being that tight he cannot breathe anymore. 

He doesn’t even realise he is at home, he was in that much in a daze that he felt like he was flying, like he wasn’t in his body anymore. 

He walks inside the Mill slowly all his energy drained out of him, he drops his briefcase on the floor not caring that it makes a loud bang, not even realising Aarons talking to him face full of concern touching him gently on his arms. Robert walks up the stairs to their room and gets in the bed, pulling the quilt over him and makes himself as small as humanly possible. 

Aaron sits beside his husband gently stroking his head feeling scared that his husband just looks - 

Broken. 

“ Rob are you going to tell me whats happened? “ He asks softly, he wipes away one of Roberts tears thats escaped but few more come running down his nose. Robert shakes his head feeling numb just wanting to hide away from everything, wishing he didn’t ever have to meet that man again. Before he knows it he cries softly trying to control the sob that is about to escape. Aaron feels his heart ache watching his husband be this so upset. “ okay. But can we talk about it later? Or in few days? We agreed to talk and not keep any secrets remember. “ He says softly. 

“ O- kay “ Robert muffles into his pillow. 

Aaron nods his head gently and kisses Robs side of his head.   
“ Okay, love you. “ he ignores the slight hurt when his husband doesn’t say it back but he knows something is terribly wrong.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Robert opens up a little bit more about his past.

Roberts been painfully quiet for the past few days, going to bed early, barely eating and just always sleeping, he hasn’t gone into work since his last meeting.  
But when he is awake he isn’t really there in the room you would find him staring at something and just be unresponsive.  
Aaron is worried about his husband so much that he is scared of leaving him alone in the house. Robert just seems so vulnerable and it honestly scares Aaron so much to see his cocky, smug and arrogant husband reduced to this vulnerable, weird shadow hes become after these few days. 

Aaron went down the stairs this morning and spotted Robert sitting at the table, hands wrapped around the mug whilst staring at it, his expression is blank but Aaron could see a few tears in his eyes ready to drop.  
He went over to the kitchen made himself cup of tea and sat down beside Robert he is hesitant to touch him because he regretfully admitted to himself that he doesn’t know what Robert needs. 

Aaron is quiet for a few moments till he looks back up and watches Robert before speaking needing to know whats happened to him. 

“ Rob please talk to me. “ He asks quietly he almost sounds like he is pleading. 

Robert carries on looking down into his cup just watching the steady black liquid sit there. He sniffs quietly and leans back against the chair placing the mug on his stomach whilst playing with the rim using his thumbs. 

“ Don’t know what to say. “ He finally says after a few minutes he sounds emotionless but his eyes show so much readable emotions, but the main one is that he looks so haunted. 

Aaron sighs softly. “ Just start from the beginning okay? There isn’t any pressure. “ he says supportively. 

Robert finally looks at Aaron trying to see if he looks like he’s lying or telling truth but the small smile Aaron gives to Robert answers his question. Robert shakes his head softly almost slowly as he tries to get up but Aaron puts his hand on top of Robert’s to stop him.

“ I can’t tell you can I? It’ll bring back too many memories for you. “ Robert said sounding so concerned for Aaron like he doesn’t matter but Aaron is the most important thing in Robert’s life. 

Aaron looks confused at first wondering what he means before the realisation hits him and he feels this weight on his chest becoming tight. Aaron has a very clear idea what Robert means and honestly it breaks his heart into a hundred of thousands of pieces. 

“ Rob you can tell me okay? I’ve told you about what happened to me and you can do the same, I’ll always be here to support you. I won’t run away if you think it’s too much for me. “ He says softly to Robert desperate for his husband to get this off his chest. 

Robert looks like he is about to argue for a second before eventfully nodding his head slowly and sitting up a bit straighter. “ Okay. “ he says heavily feeling very nervous suddenly, Aaron senses Robert’s unsureness he grabs hold of his hand and squeezes gently encouraging him to speak. “ As you know I went to that meeting a few days ago and everything went fine till... “ he blows out a long breathe. “ h-he comes over. “ his voice shakes. 

“ Who’s he? “ 

“ John. “ Robert said bitterly anger covering his facial features. 

“ What happened next? “ 

Robert clears his throat. “ He was acting like we were old mates but then he called me Robby and noticed that I flinched at the nickname. He then said that I was just a vulnerable 19 year old and I should know what a real man feels like. “ He finished talking to wipe away few tears running down his cheek, his voice cracked when he was unable to speak anymore the lump in his throat too big and hurtful to carry on. 

Aaron looked down for a split second before asking what had happened. 

“ When I was living in London for few months before that night I had a good paying job in a restaurant being a chef. I had mates, really good mates that were just brilliant. “ Robert smiled to himself remembering the times all of them hung out and laughed together about everything and anything. “ And one night we decided to go out to this bar so we went got bit drunk before I knew it I was being lead back to mine. “ he said voice cracking again he looked broken talking about it again. 

“ And was that John? “ Aaron asked hesitantly just wanted to clarify. 

Robert nods his head. “ Yeh. Er - He sat me on the sofa and he gave me more cans and when I was - are you sure you want me to carry on? I don’t want to trigger your memories. “ Robert asked worriedly. 

“ I want you to tell me what happened Rob. I told you what happened to me didn’t I? And I just want you to feel you can relay on me too, only if you want to tell me Rob. “ Aaron said softly gently stroking Robert’s hand with his thumb. 

Robert nodded his head before blowing out a long breath. “ I was sitting on the sofa half asleep and I felt him kissing me on the neck and I tried pushing him off but he was too strong for me. “ He was crying silently and Aaron moved beside him hugged him tightly his own tears dropping into Robert’s hair. Aaron winced a little just hating that this horrid, unthinkable assault has happened to his husband. “ I kept saying no and I honestly tried to push him away but he went on top and started pulling my top off me, he had a grip on both of my wrists and just ignored me till I fell into unconscious. “ he sniffed hard covering his face with his sleeve but it wasn’t enough to push away the emotions and he started to cry against Aaron’s hold. 

“ It’s okay it’s okay Rob he can’t hurt you again. “ Aaron soothed his husband gently rubbing his hand with his hand. 

“ He said basically said no wonder the jury didn’t believe me because I was just a scumbag and he was let off not guilty. “ 

“ What?! Why did they not charge him? “ Aaron said angry. 

Robert pulled away and composed himself. “ Because he had a fabulous fucking lawyer who made him look like a saint and they all believed him when he said John had a really good job and helped people, how I was just a 19 year old going out drinking and that I was just seen as a pathetic teenager. “ he said bitterly. 

“ fuckin’ hell. “ he breathed out angrily. 

Robert sat there for few moments staring at his hands ignoring the tears that dripped from his eyes. 

Robert suddenly started talking again he can’t stop talking now that he has started. “ They let him go and then I just stayed in the apartment for months laying in bed, not going to work anymore not doing anything. “ he said sadly. 

“ didn’t any of your friends help you? “ Aaron asked gently. 

“ at the start they did but they just give up eventually. “ 

“ why? “ he asked confused creasing his eyebrows. 

“ Because I wasn’t talking, eating nothing and they just stopped coming round because they probably felt like what was the point. “ 

“ They won’t proper mates then were they? “ Aaron said shaking his head just thinking how can someone leave there friend when they have been through the toughest experience in their life. 

“ no. “ 

“ How did you get better then? “ Aaron asked. 

Robert sighs trying to swallow but the lump stuck in his throat. “ one day I gave up. “ Aaron’s heart dropped to his stomach his whole chest hurting painfully as tears were filling his eyes hearing his husband say that he tried to kill himself. “ Drank loads of alcohol and took boxes of boxes of pills and waited to die, till one of my ‘ mates ‘ came to see me because they probs felt like it. “ Robert’s voice emotionless, remembering that day when he got up went into the kitchen and got the bottles and pills gulping down every last bit. 

“ Rob... “ Aaron said sounding like he is at the edge of crying. 

Robert shook his head got up to get some space he looked upset and regretful as he got his coat. “ I’m sorry I shouldn’t have told you it’s gonna bring back too many memories for you. “ he said as he was backing away to the door. 

“ Rob it’s okay you are allowed to tell me things without worrying about my health. “ Aaron said sounding a bit hurt that Robert thinks he can’t lean on Aaron, thinking Aaron isn’t strong enough. 

“ I know, but it’s gonna trigger something and I should just deal with this on my own no point going on about the past again I don’t know why I let it get to me.” He laughed nasty. “ maybe I am just a pathetic scumbag and should of just dealt with it. Maybe I did deserve it. “ 

Aaron looked in shock not believing what he is hearing.  
“ What? Are you actually being serious? “ he said calmly. 

Robert nodded his head slowly looking suddenly vulnerable again from few moments ago.  
“ I don’t know. I need some air. “ he opened the door but was quickly pulled back from the shoulder he sees his husbands scared face. 

“ Don’t go in this state. “ Aaron says terrified. 

“ I’m not going to do something stupid but I just need some time by myself. “ he said truthfully. 

“ where are you going to go? “ 

“ I don’t know. Bridge. “ Robert said he cupped Aaron’s cheek gently kissed him on the forehead. “ I won’t be long okay? Love you. “ he didn’t wait for an answer and left heading for the one place that is actually peaceful. 

" love you. “ he whispered as he saw his husband walk out of their home leaving Aaron standing in the hall with tears falling down his face. 

«»«»«

He saw him when he entered the bridge - actually no he could hear his footsteps on the wood,- Robert carried on looking at the trees and the fast river below him. For the past 20 minutes standing on the bridge with his forearms leaning against the wooden plank was rather relaxing. He was listening to the river clash against rocks, the trees moving as leaves twirled to the ground and he was lost in his own thoughts. He felt his husbands presence next to him copying the same position as him, they both stood in silence for while just needing to collect their words to say. 

Aaron finally broke the silence between them, he carried on looking outwards just itching to touch Robert. “ You really think it was your fault? “ his voice tight with disbelief. 

“ No. “ he admitted slowly. 

“ Then why say it? “ Aaron asked confused. 

Robert shrugged his shoulders and held his hands tighter. “ I - i don’t know why I said it maybe because he made me think he was right? Maybe because he made me feel like it was my fault? Made all those old feelings to come back again? “ Robert said as he rubbed his temple. 

“ You know that he’s in the wrong don’t you? It wasn’t - your fault at all. Never think otherwise. “ Aaron said wrapping his arm around Robert’s waist. 

Robert nodded put his arm around Aaron’s waist as well as he kissed him gently. “ I know. “ 

“ Good. When you feel down I want you to talk to me okay? I don’t want you to ever feel that it was your fault. “ Aaron said turning his husband around so they were facing each other. 

“ I will, I know it wasn’t me but I just - all the insecurities and doubts came back since seeing John again. “ Robert said sadly, hating to say that mans name. 

Aaron nodded his head understanding completely.  
“ That’s what they do rob, they make you feel like it was you and make you feel like your in the wrong when really it was them. “ 

Robert nodded his head agreeing, Aaron gently kissed Robert’s cheek and cupped his jaw. “ You worried me when you walked out you know. “

Robert felt incredibly guilty for leaving his husband scared about him. “ I’m sorry. “ he said quietly. 

“ it’s alright just don’t do it again or just - “ 

“ I know. “ he pulled his husband in and they hugged each other tightly just wanting to feel each other. 

“ Have you told - “ 

“ no I haven’t and they will never know, there’ll be no point anyway can’t exactly bring it up in conversation can I? “ Robert said against Aaron’s neck. 

“ True. I just can’t believe you dealt with it by yourself. I know my family were always fussing over me but you literally had no one expect your mates who just fucked off anyway. “ 

“ It was hard dealing with my depression back then and the court case but most of it I was just in a daze. “ Robert confessed. 

Aaron hugged him tighter kissing his neck. 

“ I want to go home now. “ Robert said playing with Aaron’s fingers when they parted. 

“ Okay bit cold now init? “ he smiled and both men walked away to the bridge. 

Neither man noticed the slight movement from the bushes, watching them walk away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dun dun dun! 
> 
> I do not believe It was Roberts fault at all, I was writing it to make him feel conflicted about his feelings? And then have him say that no it wasn’t his fault at all.  
> I’m awfully sorry if it has come across as if Robert was at the wrong when it wasn’t meant to be like that at all! 
> 
> Also, I wanted Robert to feel concerned for Aaron as well with his past, I feel like I’ve some how written it wrong? And doesn’t come across like that. 
> 
> Please just say respectfully if I have written things that seem wrong, I honestly didn’t mean to offended anyone. 
> 
> Should I carry on? Cos I do have a whole story lined ahead in my mind, haha.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Anyone want to read my new Fic about yesterday’s Ep? ( not asking for views or anything just letting yous know if interested. )

After few days since Aaron found Robert at the bridge, he’d been walking around on egg shells till the point where Robert couldn’t take it anymore. 

“ Stop baby stepping around me! I’m not fragile Aaron! “ Robert snapped at Aaron who jumped a mile away not expecting his husband to lose his temper. 

“ I-I’m sorry I didn’t mean to. I just don’t know - “ Aaron said guilty and looked vulnerable. 

“ Just don’t know how to act around me? “ Robert finished Aaron’s sentence in a bitter tone and he looked pissed off but Aaron could see the slight hurt in his eyes. 

“ What?! No! I just - I don’t know how to help you or - “ Aaron panicked as he started to play with his wedding ring, his eyes started to well up with tears his eyes glistening. 

“ Well let me help you then if you don’t know how to be around me. “ Robert said voice laced with hurt as he grabbed his lather jacket and ignored Aaron’s pleads for him to come back. 

“ Robert! I’m sorry come back! “ Aaron’s voice broke and winced when he heard the slam of the door close and reopened again from the force. 

He stared at the door and cried silently as his husband left him. 

“ what’s wrong with him? “ Liv’s voice filled the living room as she stepped off the last step on the spiral staircase. 

She watched the whole scene take place and she’s been wondering what’s going on with Robert, he’s been awfully quiet for the past few days. 

Aaron didn’t even notice his sister was there in the first place, he turned around looking heartbroken. “ He walked out. “ he said simply. 

Liv’s eyes widened in panic.   
“ What?! He’s left ya? Us? “ She sounded so vulnerable. 

Aaron shook his head realising how he said it. “ Something happened to him and I’ve just been hesitant what to do and I’ve just wound him up. “ 

“ What happened to him? “ 

“ I can’t tell ya. “ 

“ Why? He’s my brother too. “ She said passionately for the first time she’s ever said Robert is her brother. 

“ Because it’s not my story to tell. “ He replied. 

“ Where has he gone now then?” She asked confused. 

“ I don’t know. “ he said sadly. 

“ go look for him then! You can’t leave him alone like this! “ She said frustrated. 

Aaron nodded his head and grabbed his jacket, keys and phone he told Liv he’ll try not be long. 

«»«»«»

I wish I never told him. Why did I let it get to me so much? I shouldn’t of just walked out like that. But he’s acting different with me now that he knows. I should of just kept it a secret. 

All the things running through Robert’s head as he walks through the woods not focusing on anything, too deep in his mind. Before he knows it he finds himself at the cliff sight overlooking the water below and grass and trees. He stands there staring at the view just feeling numb, feeling incredibly calm, his mind drifts back 8 years ago when he was the happiest till that night that changed everything. 

Changed him. 

He hears a crunch and leaves move he turns around to see if anyones there but no one is. He frowns because as he thinks back he felt someone following him, felt someone there watching him. He feels it now. But he ignores it wondering that it must be an animal. 

His phone buzzes he sighs and gets it out, wave of guilt washes over him seeing the message on the bright screen. 

Aaron - I’m sorry okay. You know that I’m not good with words and I just - I really want to help you but I didn’t know if you wanted it. I’m sorry. 

Aaron - Please tell me where you are. I’m really worried ‘bout ya. You’ve been gone for an hour. 

What? It hasn’t been that long surely. 

He looks at the time and it shows in black and white - 17:30 

I didn’t even know I was out that long. God Aaron must be terrified. 

He makes his way back through the woods but suddenly stops when he hears the crunch of leaves behind him. The crunching stops the same time as he does. The feeling of unease and anxiety takes over but he breathes slowly calming his nerves. 

He tests to see if someone is following him, he takes few steps and he can hear it again. The noise behind him. 

Panic steps in now he can hear his own heart beating rapidly the only thing he can hear. 

“ Hello? Who’s there? “ He speaks hesitantly feeling stupid but he is honestly on edge. 

Nothing happens. 

He looks around the dark area trees hanging over the path and he swallows hard, he can feel his heart race go faster, he tenses and walks faster through the wood till he is back home. 

When he sees the bridge he sighs in relief and walks faster just wanting to get home. As he is walking there’s a hand on his shoulder he gasps turns around fast but nothing is there. His heart is thumping out of his chest, feeling like it is going to burst.   
He jogs back to the Mill and when he gets to the front door he looks around quickly seeing if anyone is there, out of the ordinary. But there isn’t. He sighs and gets into the hall hangs his coat up, takes shoes off locks the door. He walks into the living room sees his husband sitting on the couch elbows on knees looking terrified, scared and worried sick. Robert can see tear stained streaks on his cheeks, eyes red. 

Aaron gets up like a bullet, lunges for Robert hugs him tightly, hands wrapped around his neck and his other around Robert’s waist. He kisses Robert on the lips, cheeks and the neck he looks relieved and leans his forehead against Robert’s. 

“ I was terrified about you running off like that. Anything could have happened to you. “ Aaron’s voice croaky sounding like he has been crying for hours. Robert strokes his cheek and cups his jaw. 

“ I’m sorry I shouldn’t of left like that. “ Robert said voice full of guilt. 

“ Just talk to me! You helped me about Gordon and let me do the same! “ Aaron said firmly but he had a soft look on his face and Robert relaxed in his touch. 

“ I - I don’t want you to see me differently. “ 

“ Do you see me differently? “ Aaron asked gently. 

“ No of course not I only see you. “ Robert replied truthfully. 

“ Why is it different for you then? “ Aaron confused. 

“ I - I don’t know. I’m just used of hiding it and now someone knows i don’t know how to deal with it. “ Robert said sadly. 

“ First off I’m not someone I’m your husband, and I kept it hidden for years and it wrecks ya. I eventually told someone, which was you, I told you everything about it. What I’m saying is I’m here I understand and I want to help you. “ 

Robert nodded his head slowly and kissed him gently. “ Can we go to bed? “ 

“ sure. “ Aaron said softly he’ll do anything for his husband to make him feel protected. 

«»«»«»

He rolls over onto his back glancing at the clock it flashes in bright red 03:45. He felt jab of pain in his leg from Robert kicking him. He was used to this from his husband. When he and Robert stayed in that very first hotel in Leeds, from the affair era, Aaron asked Robert why does he kick and he replied that it was just an old habit. Aaron never thought of it since only now. 

Another kick in his thigh and Aaron huffs from the shooting pain, he sits up and looks at Robert and his eyes widen. Robert is having a nightmare, he’s sweating, the whole of his forehead glistering and his once blonde hair now shade of dark brown from the wetness. His white t shirt now stuck to him, few tears escape his eyes as they roll down his cheeks and he is mumbling, whilst thrusting side ways he looks so distressed. 

“ No! No please don’t! No! “ Robert shouts distressed in his sleep clutching the quilt tightly pushing it away but pulling it also. 

Aaron gasps his own tears falling down his face, he gently shakes Robert. “ Rob wake up its only a dream. It’s not real. Wake up. “ He speaks gently but there’s a shiver in his tone. 

“ no! Stop it! Please stop! “ he screams frantically and he pushes Aaron hard off him, he suddenly bolts up and out of the bedroom into the bathroom.   
Aaron chases after him feeling scared for his husband. 

“ Rob? Robert? Open the door. “ Aaron speaks gently leaning against the door frame looking at the closed door. Aaron can hear Robert being sick. 

“ Please don’t hurt me. “ Robert spoke quietly, he sounded like a little boy. 

Aaron shakes his head tears fall from his eyes, he hates John for doing this to his husband, nobody should go through what they’ve been through. 

“ I promise I won’t Rob, it’s Aaron you know I won’t hurt ya.” Aaron replies voice soft like cotton wool, Aaron hates that Robert is still in his torment of memories, hates that his husband doesn’t recognise him. 

The door clicks, it slowly opens Aaron walks in slowly sees his husband sitting on the cold, hard floor head leaning against the bathtub. He looks terrible, flushed yet pale, his t shirt stuck to him as his hair is matted against his forehead. 

Aaron sits beside him hovering next to him, hesitant to touch him knowing from his past experiences - when your still in your nightmare that it doesn’t always help. 

“ Rob? You back with me? “ Aaron asks quietly. 

Robert blows out a breath as he looks upwards leans his head against the bath. He nods his head slowly answering Aaron. 

“ I need 100% confirmation that your with me again Rob. That your still not in your nightmare. “ Aaron says concerned. 

“ Yes. “ Robert answers voice raw and croaky. 

“ You want to talk about it? “ Aaron asks knowing thats what they do when Aaron has one of his nightmares. 

“ I feel him on me I feel his hands and lips all over me and I want it to go away! I don’t want this feeling! Please just take it away! “ Robert screams frantically scratching his arms hard as tears fall down his face. 

Aaron takes Robert’s hands away from arms and he gently rubs the scratch marks in its wake. “ Rob he’s not here okay. Just breathe for me. “ 

Robert pulls his legs up against his chest hugs them as he cries silently into his knees. “ I want it to go away I don’t want to feel him on me. “ he speaks quietly. 

Aaron wipes away his own tears still holding Roberts’s hand.   
“ Just try ignore it okay? Let’s move into the bedroom where it’s more comfortable. “ He says gently, Robert gets up slowly walks to their room he doesn’t notice Liv by the door looking scared. 

“ Is he okay? “ She asks scared. 

Aaron half smiles at her. “ He will be. Go back to bed. “ she nods walks back to her room. 

Aaron closes the door and sits on the bed next to Robert, who’s staring at this bare feet. “ What was your dream about? “ 

“ W-when he came back and I felt like I was b-back.... “ Robert started to panic again struggling to breathe. 

“ Breath slowly through your nose and just focus on your breathing again okay. “ 

“ Sorry. “ he said quietly looking ashamed. 

“ You have nothing to be sorry for okay. Come on let’s try to go back to sleep. “ Aaron says leaning back down with Robert, he looks at Aaron directly in his eyes as one tear runs down his nose. 

“ I don’t think I can, I can still remember that night. “ he takes a shaky breath. 

Aaron rubs Robert cheek and holds his hand intertwining their hands together. “ Okay picture this instead then okay? “ he comments gently and Robert nods slowly. “ When we went to Greece for our honeymoon and we went to that beautiful beach. “ Aaron stopped talking letting Robert remember that day he smiled softly. “ We went into the clear blue water and we lay in the white sand it was so relaxing wasn’t it? But not when I had sunburnt on my back though. “ both men chuckled. 

“ You were complaining about it for days. I had to rub bottles of bottles onto your back. “ He smiled softly. 

Aaron smiled softly. “ It was painful. But you were my little slave for the whole 2 weeks weren’t ya? “ he laughed lightly. 

Robert smiled tiredly his eyes grew heavier and he drifted off to sleep on Aaron’s chest. Aaron smiled at him, he kissed the top of his head and whispered into his hair “ I will always try protect   
You Rob. “ 

«»»««»

“ Morning beautiful. “ Aaron whispers into Robert’s ear. 

“ Morin’. “ He speaks tiredly, he rubs his eyes trying to rub away the sleepiness. 

“ How are you feeling? “ Aaron asks concerned. 

Robert shrugs pushes his head further into his pillow. “ Fine. “ 

“ Don’t lie to me Rob, we agreed to tell each other everything remember. “ Aaron reminded him. 

“ I know but honestly I’m okay. L-last night it scared me you know. “ Robert said slowly making shapes on Aaron’s arm go distract himself. 

“ Yeh? You scared me as well. “ Aaron said sadly. 

“ Sorry. “ He it was barley a whisper. 

“ It’s okay. We can get past anything alright? You just need to talk to me. I know there’s something else your not telling me. “ Aaron said firmly, Robert’s eyes widened in surprise how did Aaron suss something was wrong? When Robert went to the woods?   
Aaron looked at his expressions he knew Robert wasn’t telling him something, he could tell by the concentration he had when he was thinking about something. 

“ It’s stupid. “ Robert started. 

“ You let me decide that. “ Aaron said softly. 

Robert looked at Aaron for a split second before looking at their joined hands. “ When I was walking towards the bri- actually no when I was at the Quarry - “ 

“ The Quarry?! “ Aaron blurted out terrified. 

Robert gripped Aaron’s hands tighter rubs his thumb. “ Only to think that’s all, wasn’t going to do anything stupid. “ he reassured. 

“ Good because I wouldn’t have - “ 

“ I know. “ he silents him with a kiss to Aaron’s lips. “ When I was at the Quarry I felt something watching me but I looked and saw nothing. When I started to walk back I heard footsteps behind me and I stopped also the steps and I saw nothing again. when I got to the bridge I felt a - “ He swallowed hard calming himself. “ a hand on my shoulder and I spun around but nothing was there I ran back here. “ he finished talking. 

Aaron frowned feeling himself become stressed and uneasy. “ Were to being followed? “ 

“ I don’t know but it felt like it. “ 

“ we need to tell someone. “ 

“ There isn’t any evidence nobody can do anything can they? “ Robert said huffed out. 

“ But we can’t just not do anything can we? “ Aaron let out. 

“ I know but honestly it’ll be waste of time they won’t be finding anything. “ 

Aaron sighed. “ well we just have to be more careful yeh? “ Robert nodded. 

“ You want anything to eat? “ Aaron asked. 

“ Fry up? “ 

“ Alright then come on. “ Aaron got up and looked at Robert staring at him with that look which says ‘ your the only man I will ever love. ‘ 

“ Not without my morning kiss. “ Robert said whilst smirking. Aaron rolled his eyes playfully and kissed him on the lips. 

“ you get the post. Coffee or tea? “ Aaron said getting the mugs out. 

“ Tea. “ he said simply, he went into the porch there was a letter sitting on the door Matt with ‘ Robert ‘ written on it in fairly big letters on. Robert frowned went to pick it up and opened it - he wish he didn’t, photographs of him walking past the bridge, by the woods and quarry. He was being followed. Robert stood there shocked shaking. 

“ Rob? You alright? Doesn’t take that long to get some post. “ Aaron called out his voice near and near to Robert. “ Hey what’s wrong? “ Aaron asked confused and Robert just showed him the photos of him.

Aaron’s face was a picture of horrified. “ You were being followed! We need to call the police! “ Aaron said getting out his phone, Robert gently put it down. 

“ They won’t know how to trace it. It haven’t got a address, or anything. Only a kiss at the bottom. “ Robert said shakily. 

“ But if we tell them that it’s John and because of his past with you they will put two and two together. “ 

Robert sighed looking scared suddenly. “ Rob it’s gonna be okay I’m going to protect ya. “ He wrapped his arm around Robert’s shoulder. 

“ Do you want me to ring ‘em?“ Aaron asked and Robert nodded. 

Aaron told the police about the letter and they came to their house, Robert retold them about yesterday and about the letter. He also mentioned about the court case, they nodded their head and mentioned that there isn’t actually any proof John posted the letter. Aaron went bit mad saying it’s obvious, Robert calmed him down, the police officers said they will keep a eye out and if there is anymore weird behaviour ring them immediately. 

Aaron hugged Robert telling him everything is going to be fine, but he had a feeling it was far from being fine. They told Liv to ring/text them and to always keep a eye out, they let Victoria and Chas know as well.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rewritten, I’ve left some parts in. 
> 
> I hope you find this little bit better? I’m sorry if I have disappointed you with the chapters.

“ Get the phone will you? “ Aaron grumbled digging his head further into Robert’s chest trying to catch his sleep again. 

Robert sighed and rolled his head to find his phone which has been ringing consistently for few minutes making both men increasingly annoyed by the consistent ringing. 

“ Hello? “ Robert answered annoyed with a mix of sleep. There was silence on the other end of the call and Robert frowned looking back at his phone to see if it’s switched off but it hasn’t. “ Anyone there?” 

Aaron was more alert now, he propped up onto his elbow looking at Robert with a frown. “ What’s wrong? “ he asked confused looking at his husbands annoyed face. 

“ Who’s ringing? “ Robert tried again feeling the whole of his body go tense not liking how the person is so uncomfortably quite. He can hear breathing down the phone and he can hear moving around, it sounds like it’s outside but then Robert can’t be so sure. 

“ Who was it? “ Aaron asked watching now fully alert, but Robert ignored him concentrated on the phone trying to listen. 

“ You shouldn’t have rang the police Robert. “ The man spoke creepily, voice stone hard cold. 

It was John. 

Robert’s whole body was shaking, his face gone deathly white nearly grey, his jaw dropped open and he felt himself panicking and panicking he didn’t hear Aaron talking to him concerned all he heard was john’s voice. 

“ You are going to regret ever telling Aaron what happened, you are going to regret telling the police as well. “ He spoke nastily. “ Sweet dreams Robby, dream of me. “ he smiled darkly and ended the call. 

Robert dropped the phone onto the bed, the whole room was filled with the noise of Robert gasping for air as he was having a major panic attack. 

“ Breathe Robert, come on, concentrate on your breathing.” Aaron told him softly nearly panicking himself he didn’t notice Liv come in looking worried. “ Breathe in, and breathe out. “ Aaron repeated again for the next 3 minutes till Robert’s breathing become in time again. 

“ Is he okay? “ Liv asked looking terrified. 

Aaron nodded his head still holding onto Robert at the same time trying to calm down his husband, himself and his sister. 

“ Well he doesn’t look fine to me. “ She resorted looking at her other brother who’s sitting there sweating and looking dazed. 

Aaron sighed softly. “ Liv could you get me some water and a damp cloth please? “ Aaron asked her ignoring her comment, she nodded her head slowly and went downstairs to get the things he asked for. 

“ Rob don’t blank out on me again okay? What did they say? “ Aaron asked carefully not wanting to trigger him again. 

“ He.. he said that I shouldn’t have told you or the police and I’m going to regret it. “ Robert said scared. 

Aaron looked alarmed biting down his anger towards John, instead he breathed in deeply and managed to calm himself down, knowing that’s not what Robert needs right now. 

“ He threatened you? “ 

Robert nodded his head as he slowly rocked backwards and forwards holding his knees up to his chest. He looks so haunted. 

“ I shouldn’t have told you. I should’ve kept it quiet. I should’ve kept it a secret. “ Robert repeated, muttering and whispering as he stared at the wall with blank eyes. 

“ No, no, no. You did the right thing telling me and the police Rob! Your not at the wrong okay? Never let that man brainwash you. “ Aaron replied firmly. 

Robert shook his head in denial. “ he’s back here because of me. He’s stalking me and texting me and posting photos of me because I let the secret out. “ 

“ You didn’t ask what he did to you, you didn’t ask for him to talk to you that day nor all the stalking. He’s a lunatic. “ 

“ Who’s a lunatic? “ Liv asked confused hearing the last part of Aaron’s sentence. She put down the glass of water and handed Aaron the damp cloth. 

Aaron’s eyes widened in dread because Liv might have heard everything and he doesn’t want her getting hurt or upset. “ Nobody Liv. “ he said trying to get her to drop it but she’s never going to let it go till she’s got answers. 

“ Just someone Rob knows. Please just leave it alright. “ Aaron said looking desperately. She got the hint and went back to her room feeling anxious about Robert. 

“ I’m going to be sick. “ Robert said slowly before his eyes widened and he bolted out of the room into the bathroom, being violently sick just making it to the toilet. 

Aaron chased after him and rubbed his back gently getting the soft, fluffy white cloth and damping it again to put it against Robert’s boiling hot forehead. 

“ I hate him. I hate him so much. “ Robert repeated anger lacing his voice and he started to cry again, against his hands. 

“ me too. “ Aaron agreed looking like he was planning on murdering John for doing this to his husband. 

“ I just want him to go away. “ Robert whimpered against Aaron’s chest leaving a wet patch on his green t shirt. 

Aaron snugged against his husband giving him a soft kiss on top of his head. “ Me too rob, me too. “ 

“ The memories have all come back again. “ Robert cried. “ they’re keep reappearing and I can’t stop them. I just want all of them to go away. “ he cried louder against Aaron’s chest not noticing how Aaron’s silently crying, wiping away his own tears. 

“ You know I would get rid of them if I had the power to Rob. “ Aaron said softly holding the man close as he put the side of his face onto Robert’s head. He closed his eyes and just held his broken husband through his cries. 

::::: 

Aaron woke up slowly as he stretched whilst groaning loudly, he rolled onto his side to hug his husband but he fell onto a cold, empty side. He frowned seeing the absence of Robert, he felt ting of panic in his chest after last night he really didn’t want Robert out of his sight. He got out of bed quickly and got some grey joggers on with a light black t shirt practically throwing them on. 

He walked down the stairs fairly quickly noticing Robert sitting blankly at the table, holding a mug in his hand as he stared at nothing. 

He looked exhausted. 

“ Hey. How are you feeling this morning? “ Aaron asked softly sitting beside him, putting his hand onto his arm showing him comfort. 

“ Nothing. “ he said simply. 

Aaron frowned. “ You feel numb? “ 

Robert nodded his head, ignoring the tear that slid down his face, made no reaction when Aaron wiped it away with his thumb. 

“ I feel him on me. I feel the pain again and all I see is his face watching me. “ Robert said coldly 

Aaron looked down knowing exactly what he meant, it was like the brain was torturing you over again, wanting the feelings to resurface again. 

“ you know what helped me? When he came back? “ Aaron said nearly flinching speaking about that man. “ I talked to people, especially you. I won’t lie to you it only helped a bit but it did help at least. “ Aaron half smiled. “ I don’t want you closing yourself off from everyone Rob. “ He said scared. 

“ It’s easier. “ 

“ I know that too and look what happened to me? I lost control and started self harming, even before Gordon coming back, because you know why? I felt it was easier to cope alone when it only makes you suffer even more. “ 

Robert looked at him for the first time and smiled weakly. “ I got you. “ he said softly, ever so softly. “ I don’t want you - “ 

“ Don’t ever say you can’t speak me to me. you are the most important, special person in my life - as well as Liv - and it physically hurts me when you keep things from me. “ 

“ I’m sorry. “ he mumbled. 

“ Got nothing to be sorry for. “ Aaron smiled gently. Robert hugged Aaron just wanting the comfort of his husband. 

After 10 minutes of hugging each other and sitting in silence liking the peace between them. Liv comes down noticing them at the table, she sits quietly at the table as well not wanting to be in the way but also wanting to know what’s happened. 

“ What brought on the panic attack last night? “ Liv asked curiously, she also looked tired. 

“ Someone rang Rob. “ 

Liv frowned. “ And that caused a full blown panic attack? “ 

Aaron sighed heavily. “ Liv - “ 

“ No it’s alright Aaron she should know, after last night and the past two weeks. “ he didn’t carry on not knowing what words to finish with, but both of them knew what he meant. 

“ Has something really bad happen? “ Liv asked scared. “ Because you told me about someone who knows Rob and told me to be careful but not actually what they did to him. “ 

Robert looked at them both and collected himself trying to make himself feel more human than he originally felt. It didn’t work.   
“ I want you to listen okay? And I don’t want to upset you but you deserve to know and not be left out of the loop. “ he started looking at Liv with hesitation. She nodded. “ Years ago when I left the village at 19 I went to London for few months. I made few mates and one day all of us went out to get drunk, after while I felt being dragged away back to mine. “ he swallowed deeply, tears welling up in his eyes and the lump in his throat becoming painful. Aaron rubbed his back gently, as Liv looked horrified knowing in her gut what he’s saying. 

“ Did he rape you? “ She said quietly voice on the edge of breaking. 

He nodded quickly wiping away tears, she walked around the table and hugged him tight. “ I’m sorry Rob. “ She said quietly not knowing what else to say.   
He didn’t reply just held her tighter. 

Robert cleared his throat and give her a weak, watery smile. “ Right you go back to your room and do your homework okay? You can’t afford to be left behind. “ he said trying to act strong in front of her but he was missing it by a mile off. 

“ Will you be okay? “ She asked quietly not really wanting to lose him. 

“ He has me. “ Aaron smiled gently, she nodded her head and went up the stairs feeling from chest ache from the news. 

“ Should’ve I have told her? “ Robert asked regretfully. 

“ She needed to know, she already sensed something was wrong with the tension and you having the panic attacks. But we’ll keep an eye on her okay? “ he said gently as he kissed the side of his head. 

“ i need to have some fresh air.” Robert announced getting up from his chair and walking up the stairs when Aaron pulled him gently with a concerned look on his face. 

“ could you have it in the garden? I don’t want you leavin’ like this. “ he said quietly. Robert nodded not wanting to argue and went to the garden, Aaron watched as he went feeling himself well up because Robert is far from his usual self that it’s upsetting. He would literally do anything for Robert’s pain to go away. 

:::::::::::::::: 

Robert stepped out into the garden and let out a long, heavy sigh. His phone beeped and he jumped, he rolled his eyes at his stupidity of being scared of a beep. 

‘ Your going to regret telling the police. ‘ 

The message stared at him and he felt his chest tighten again with nerves, his muscles tensing again and he looked around the garden to see anything but nothing was there. Just quiet, too quite like he was being watched. He felt the wave of unease again, he heard some movement from the brushes and he jumped the whole of his body going into flight or fight mode. He went over the brushes and it was only a bird, he sighed angrily and went back inside quickly not seeing John pop his head over the fence with a deep smirk on his face. 

“ Hey you okay? “ Aaron asked jumping up form the couch, letter in hand as he looked at Robert. 

He showed him the message with a sigh and sat down heavily on the sofa. “ How the hell does he know you told the police? “ Aaron said astonished. 

Robert shrugged his shoulders. “ he’s a clever person. He can get away with anything, that’s why I didn’t want to involve any police. He’ll lie to get himself out of it and then he’ll just do what he’s always done, make the person regret it. “ he said voice sounding drained. 

“ He’s done it to other people? “ Aaron asked. 

“ Not that I know of no. But he’s always been weird with me during those years. Hug me too tight, play with my hair, say he loves me, kiss me on the cheek, put his hands up my shirt. “ Robert listed as he cringed, he was shaking remembering it all. “ should’ve done something sooner but left it too late. “ He said bitterly shaking his head annoyed with himself. 

“ Rob it’s not your fault, you didn’t know he would do that to you. “ Aaron said wanting Robert to know none of it was his fault but he just shrugged. 

“ This is for you. “ Aaron said hesitantly as he passed his husband the white envelope with his name written on it, in big letters. 

He opened it and got out the letter, it looked bit tatty with creases and rips in. He just knew who it was from and the uneasiness became even worse making him feel sick. He read it again and the feeling in his chest tightened. He felt a wave of panic and feeling sick as the words practically screaming out at him. 

‘ Your mine, and always will be mine. ‘ 

He felt his hands shake with nausea, hating what Johns done to him. He feels like 19 years old again, being terrified of anything. He ran straight to the sink to be sick, as the letter floated to the ground, Aaron read what it said and his voice went into horror and disgust. Robert walked back to the couch and lay on it feeling terrible, feeling like the whole room was closing in on him and he couldn’t get out. Aaron gently pulled the blanket over his husband and kissed his head gently, he told him to sleep and he’ll just be right next to him. 

:::::::

 

Robert was asleep for 9 whole hours, he kept twitching throughout and mumbling as he held the blanket tight and then pushing it away the second after. Aaron kept checking on him, he was worried about his husband hating that this is happening to him. All he wants to do is keep Robert safe but it’s impossible when someone’s watching you and you can’t do anything. 

Robert sat up and rubbed his eyes tiredly as he yawned loudly, neck and back clicking loudly as well. “ how long was I asleep for? “ he asked nearly grumbling. 

“ 9 hours. “ Aaron said simply, stroking his husbands thigh.   
Robert nodded his head unbothered. 

“ You wanna go to the Woolpack for tea? If you don’t want to cook? “ Aaron asked Robert not wanting to somehow upset him, he always feels like he’s going to say something wrong or act wrongly and he hates that he doesn’t know what to do. This is what Robert must felt like, Aaron thought to himself. He was always so good with words at soothing him and helping him through the whole trail and he can’t even act okay around his husband, Aaron thought bitterly to himself. 

Robert hummed and got up to face the kitchen when he jumped when he saw something move outside. “ Rob? You okay? “ Aaron asked concerned following him outside in the back garden. 

“ What? Yeh fine. “ Robert said shrugging off the weird look Aaron given to him as they walked back inside. 

“ Oh Yeh? because totally fine people jump suddenly and go outside to have a look around. “ Aaron mocked. 

Robert gave him a glare. “ I just saw something that’s all. “ he said defending himself replaying what just happened in his head. He swears he saw a man standing there but then he shakes away the thought thinking it’s just exhaustion and tiredness. 

“ Was it him? “ Aaron asked scared. 

“ I don’t know for sure but it might just be my head messin’ with me. Still half asleep. “ Robert said still confused himself. “ What if I get a shower and you and Liv go to the pub now and I’ll meet yours up there? No reason to wait for me and waste your time, when you could be ordering. “ Robert said letting Aaron think about the idea. And because Robert wanted to be left alone for a while, he felt horrible for even thinking that but he honestly just wants a hot shower without people asking him questions. 

Aaron looked conflicted not wanting to leave Robert but then not wanting to push him away. “ Okay but text me when you leave alright? “ Aaron said worried. 

“ I will do. “ Robert said as he carried up walking the stairs getting his towel and running the water till hot. 

When he got dressed after his ten minuet shower he sent Aaron a text telling him that he is about to leave. When he looks to the couch he jumps, face full of shock, his heart beating hundred miles per hour as he stared at the one man he resents. 

John.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pained me writing the Robert bits with John, Robert’s mental state is going to go downhill in later chapters. John will be physically/sexually abusing Robert. I feel horrible writing this but then I want to carry on as well. 
> 
> Victoria will know what’s happening in the next chapter. 
> 
> I feel so anxious about posting this, I’m sorry if I’ve written anything incorrect.

“ W-what you doing h-here? “ He stutters staring at him from across the room, John’s laugh fills the room it radiates off him, a horrible vicious laugh. The type of laugh you grimace at. 

John smiles like that clown off It, he walks towards Robert knowing he has no where to go, literally backed against the wall as he steps backwards from him. 

“ Robby why did you tell em’? “ He replies softly but you can hear the venom in his voice. He’s inches apart from Robert, he can feel Johns breath on his face. 

“ I- I needed to tell someone because what you did to me has broken me! “ He spits out, eyes hard, chest tightening with anxiety. 

“ And what did I do to you Robby? “ He smirks, tilts his head to the side as he strokes Robert’s cheek he pushes him away but Johns too strong. It suddenly feels like he’s 19 again, vulnerable and scared. 

Robert frowns deeply. “ You know what you did. “ he responds harshly. 

“ But the jury thought different didn’t they? “ he laughs in Robert’s face, how Robert feels like crying again. 

“ Y-you know what you did but just because the jury got it wrong - “ 

John interrupts him. “ They knew I was telling the truth and you were just a pathetic little teen. You got it all wrong Robby, I know you liked it really. “ 

“ They got it wrong! I was telling them the truth! “ Robert pushes out feeling like he is about to faint, head light, legs shaking about to buckle beneath him. 

John moves closer to Robert and grips his wrists hard holding them over Robert’s head. He pushes his crotch against Robert’s, tightens his grip when Robert tries to free himself but it’s no use. John started kissing Robert’s neck, ignoring the tears rolling down Robert’s face still trying to escape, John sucks hard on his neck. 

“ You will always be mine Robby. “ he moans against Robert’s lips, Robert finally pushes him away with force and runs to the front door. John gets up quickly and catches him. 

“ Bad idea blondie. “ He whispers angrily, his fist clenches turns his knuckles white and before Robert has enough time to react he drops to the floor unconscious. 

:::::::: 

“ Where’s Robert? “ Liv asks worried, they’ve been waiting 10 minutes for him to come but no sign. 

Aaron sighs looking at his phone again to see if he’s replied to his text only 5 minutes ago. But no answer. He breathes deeply trying to calm his nerves. 

“ You know he’ll be in the mirror messin’ with his hair. “ he joked trying to keep the atmosphere light. 

The younger girls smiles. “ he was once 20 minuets late for our little family day out cos he wanted his hair a certain way. “ she laughs remembering Aaron’s glare at his husband. 

“ God it was pain in the arse! And in the end it looked exactly how it always looks! “ 

Liv’s smile slowly falls off her face as she looks down at her plate. Thinking back after the last few weeks with Robert not being his usual self. 

“ what’s the matter? “ Aaron asks concerned noticing Liv’s fallen face. 

She sighs. “ It doesn’t matter. “ 

“ I’ll be the judge of that. “ he kicks her foot gently. “ speak up. “ 

“ I just miss em’. “ 

“ You see him al - “ 

“ I mean I miss his stupid, dorky self. “ she half smiles. “ I miss how he gets possessive over David Attenborough documentary’s, or seeing him get all excited about Star Wars and lord of the rings, how he cooks us our tea every night. How he makes terrible dad jokes and just how he can make you smile or happy when your feeling low. “ She lists off the reasons, she speaks quietly. She’s got to love him, she’s gained another brother and she sees him as a brother and dad. He always helps her regardless of the situation. 

Aaron smiles at her, tears in his eyes hearing all the things about his husband. He can’t agree more. “ I miss him too. “ he mumbles sadly. 

“ Ugh look at us two softies aye? “ she jokes trying to lighten the depressed mood suddenly. And it works both of them laugh. 

“ if he saw us now ay? “ Aaron smirks. 

“ he would be so smug, oh look at us missin’ him and talking about him. “ 

“ We wouldn’t ever hear the end of it. “ Aaron agrees, shaking his head softly. 

“ Nope. “ 

Marlon walks over with their cheese burgers and fries, he gently places them both in front of them. “ Here you go. Oh Robert not with you today? “ he asks confused, rare occasion for him to not be present. 

“ He’s at home probably doing his hair. “ Liv comments with a smirk, stuffing some chips into her mouth. 

“ Incredibly vein. “ Marlon mutters under his breath. 

“ Oi that’s my husband your talking about. “ Aaron says angrily. 

“ I - was only joking. “ he says nervously, he frowns and feels embarrassed when Aaron full belly laughs in his face. 

“ Marlon I’m joking. “ He says between laughs. 

“ I’ll bring your drinks and his food over now. “ he says quietly leaving, had enough of the humiliation for one day. 

“ You shouldn’t of done that. “ She said after he left with a smirk on. 

Aaron shrugs his shoulders looking non bothered as he bites into his burger. 

Chas walks over to them both and smiles gently looking at her son. “ Aaron love, I need a word. “ she says gently. 

“ Why? “ he asks confused. 

“ I just need a chat that’s all. “ she carries on just wanting him to agree. 

He sighs and rolls his eyes before letting Liv know not to go anywhere. Aaron and Chas walk into the back room as they sit down on the couch. 

“ I want to know what’s happening. “ She starts off firmly. 

“ Well for starts we’re sitting on the couch. “ Aaron smirks. 

“ Don’t be like that with me, you know what I’m going on about. “ 

He sighs. He knows what she means but he isn’t the one going to question it. “ Would you like to tell me? “ 

“ you and Robert acting all unusual. and how you told me and Vic to be safe, tell you if Liv’s gotten here safely. What’s all that on about? “ she asks confused. 

“ Someone Rob knows turned up. “ Aaron says heavily. 

“ And? “ she pushes wanting Aaron to carry on when he stopped talking, looking like this is taking everything out of him. 

“ and he’s dangerous. “ 

Her eyes darken as her lips upturn angrily. “ So Robert’s brought someone here to cause more stress and heartache? “ She huffs negatively. 

Aaron frowns harshly. “ Why do you always think the worse of him? “ 

“ I’m sorry love but it’s just the past - “ she speaks sympathetic. 

“ Yeh mum the past, but he’s changed now and he wouldn’t hurt anyone intentionally. “ he defends as he looks at her dead in the eye. 

At least she looks guilty. “ Sorry. I just worry about you. “ 

“ I know but you need to worry about my husband as well you know. “ he speaks quietly. 

She nods her head understanding. “ I do worry that’s why I’m asking what’s wrong with him. “ 

“ I can’t tell you mum. “ He speaks heavily, he wants to tell her, needs to get this off his chest but he can’t go behind his husbands back. 

“ Why? “ Chas asks confused. 

“ Because it’s not my story to tell. “ He says darkly. 

“ Did this bloke do something to him? “ she fishes for information. 

Wave of anger crosses his face. “ Yeh. “ 

“ What did he do? “ She asks worried. 

“ I can’t tell you Mum. “ He said, rubs his forehead from the nerves. 

“ Why? “ She pushes. 

“ because I can’t okay? Robert is the one that will tell you but I can’t break his trust. “ He says softly. 

“ Will you be danger? “ She asks concerned for her son. 

He shakes his head. “ no but Robert might be the one. “ he says scared. Chas looks at him to carry on. “ John - “ He spits out. “ He’s been stalking Rob, sending letters to the house and ringing him. “ 

Chas looks horrified. “ What?! “ 

“ He’s brought back memories for Rob since he had a meetin’ and now Robert’s been having panic attacks, nightmares. He hasn’t had a good sleep in ages. “ 

“ Why is he doing this to him? “ she responds not understanding the actions with John. 

“ Because he’s a fucking disgusting tosser that’s why. “ he spits out Angrily. 

Chas looks taken back from that reaction. “ He’s done something unthinkable to Robert then and now he’s come back to what? “ 

“ I don’t know. But I’ve been trying to keep him safe. “ he half smiles. “ I should be getting back to Liv. “ he says getting up. 

“ Just be safe okay? “ she says concerned. Aaron nods his head and leaves to go back to Liv. 

::::::

“ you been while. “ Liv comments when he comes back. 

“ I know wasting expecting such a big chat. “ he huffs out. 

“ Does she know about Robert. “ She says quietly not wanting anyone to hear. 

“ No. only you and me. “ He says, he looks around and turns back to Liv. “ Robert still not here? “ he asks confused. 

“ No. “ 

“ Strange. “ he says and opens his phone seeing a message from Robert. “ He’s sent me a message. “ he commented, he opened the message and his eyes widened, the whole of his body feeling numb as he stared at the words. 

“ Aaron! What’s wrong? Aaron! “ Liv’s words going over his head as he was unable to move, let alone speak. He numbly showed Liv the message. 

‘ Blondie is safe with me now. ‘

John 

“ He’s got Robert? Aaron he’s got Robert!!! “ She screamed at him and only then he acted he bolted out of the pub, Liv in tow as Chas and everyone else left confused. 

They ran to the Mill, the door was wide open, trickles of blood along the path and inside the house. There was no sign of Robert anywhere. 

“ He’s gone Liv. “ He screamed panicking. 

“ We - we need to call the police. “ her words rushed out. 

“ Police. My - my husbands been taken. Today. Okay thank you. “ he replied still panicking. 

“ Well? “ she said impatiently. 

“ She said they’re coming in a few minutes. “ he said, words slow. He started biting his nails and pacing around the living room unable to sit down. 

“ Whats happened? “ Chas bellowed inside when she ran in. 

“ Robert’s been taken. “ Liv announced upset, eyes red. 

Chas’s eyes widened more. “ when? “ 

“ when we went to the pub looks like John did it. “ Aaron responds quickly unable to breathe. Before Chas was able to speak there was a knock, Aaron let the two police officers in. 

“ What’s happened sir? “ PC Roberts ( the officer ) asks calmly, her eyes soft with a tenderness that makes you just feel comfortable with her.. 

“ My husband - Robert, he was taken. “ 

“ How do you know this? “ The brunette lady asks confused, less soft and more firm than the other officer. Her eyes cold as steel.

“ He would’ve texted me that he’s leaving! There’s blood on the floor and he’s had a stalker for few weeks! “ he speaks frantically. 

“ He had? He doesn’t have a stalker anymore? “ The same brunette officer looks confused, tilts her head to the side as she frowns and narrows her eyes at him.. 

“ He doesn’t now because Johns taken him! “ He screamed out, he knows he’s not making any sense. 

“ Sir you need to calm down. We aren’t going to get anywhere if you’re rallied up, I know in the circumstances your allowed to be but we need as much information as possible. “ The blonde officer tells him gently, she’s more younger than the brunette woman, she takes her time with questions, let’s Aaron take his time with processing things. But the brunette officer makes anything a rush, Aaron hasn’t taken a liking to her. 

He sighs and sits down, his leg bouncing up and down 100 miles per hour. “ 2 weeks ago Robert had a meeting and John bumped into him, saying that he’s pathetic. Then ever since Robert has been getting letters, calls, jumpy when he sees something in the window and Johns been stalking him. “ 

“ When did John see him? “ The officer asked. 

“ 4th November. “ he responds. 

“ How long has the stalking been happening? “ PC Roberts asked gently. 

“ 2 weeks. “ he speaks heavily. 

“ Right. How does Robert know John? “ She asks curiously. 

He glances at his mum not wanting her to find out like this. He felt guilty that he’s breaking Robert’s trust but he knows he needs to speak up. “ Years ago when Robert was living in London he went out with his mates to get drunk, then John guided him back to his and started kissing him - “ he couldn’t go on, he felt his airway closing in, and he began to cry. 

“ Aaron? What did he do to Robert? “ She pushes, both of the officers glance at each other throwing a look. The brunette officer still writing down Aaron’s information. 

Chas had an unsettling feeling in her stomach pining the information together, deep down she already knew. “ John raped Robert. “ he choked out. “ They went to court but he was found none guilty and now Johns come back and took Robert because of it. He obsessed! He says Robert’s his! “ 

“ Have you let the police know about the stalking?” The other officer jumps in firmly.

He nods his head. “ We rang you and told you, they just said if there’s anymore just let em’ know. “ 

“ We’ll look at our documents. How do you know Robert’s been taken? Couldn’t he just left because all of this was too much? “ She replied with a patronising tone. 

“ Robert wouldn’t leave us! “ Liv shouted at the two women. 

“ Liv’s right he wouldn’t leave. “ Aaron answered. 

“ what time did you go? “ The blonde haired women spoke firmly. 

“ 17:00 “ Aaron replied. 

“ He’s been gone an hour and 30 minutes then? “ She said, it sounded like she was half mocking. 

“ I told him to text me when he leaves! “ he says frustrated, he accidentally kicks something under the table. “ That’s Robert’s phone! “ He goes to grab it when the police officer tells him not to touch it. 

“ It might have Johns finger prints on it so we can trace it and we’ll know if he was here. “ 

“ But he obviously was cos he texted me on Robert’s phone! “ 

She ignores that comment. “ Sir we can’t actually do a missing report case if the victim has been gone an 1 hour and 30 minutes. It needs to be 24 hours at least. And even if he was missing by then we don’t know what direction he went in or where they are. “ 

“ W-hat no. You need to find him! Mum please tell them! “ he pleads with her as he cries in front of them, uncaring. 

“ Love, it’ll be okay I promise you. “ She speaks into his curly hair as she rubs his back. 

“ We will be in contact. “ She smiles politely, as she puts the phone into a plastic bag and leaves. 

“ Mum I want Robert back. “ He cries into her shoulder. Liv wipes away few tears as she watches her brother so broken. 

“ I know love, I know. “ She whispers back. 

After 10 minutes Aarons cried himself out and hes just left numb. “ love do you want Liv at mine to - “ 

“ no. “ he speaks shortly. “ I know she’s safe here. Thanks. “ 

“ Aaron? I miss him too. “ Liv breaks into sob, she clings to Aaron as they hug. 

“ We will get him back. Okay? “ He tells her, he knows that for a fact. “ go to bed okay? I’ll check on you after. “ he smiles softly as she goes up the stairs slowly. 

“ Thank you Mum for staying but it’s fine. “ 

“ Are you sure? “ Chas asks concerned. 

He nods his head and hugs her once again and locks the door, checks twice as will as all the windows and back door. He walks slowly to their bedroom, one look at his husbands belongings and bursts out crying again. 

:::::: 

Robert slowly wakes up, feeling his head hurt like he’s been banged. He feels weak, and in pain like he’s been - 

He panics he’s chained up, a chain wrapped around his ankle, and he has bruising around his wrists. He remembers John being in the Mill, remembers him trying to escape, remembers being punched and then nothing... 

The door opens slowly, makes a noise as it’s so old and John walks in. He smirks at Robert sitting on the mattress, he bends down and pushes Robert against the wall. 

Robert looks at him terrified, he tries to move again but John kicks him in the stomach, making Robert double over in agony. “ I told you, I told you not to tell anyone. But maybe you’ve down a good thing. “ he tilts his head. “ because your mine, I’ve got my Robby back. “ he smirks as he puts Robert onto his front. 

“ NO! Please! No! “ Robert screams. 

Johns puts a cloth around his mouth. “ Shhh. “ He whispers as he pulls down Robert’s trousers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Do people want me to carry on? Cos no point if no ones I interested.
> 
> Changed some of the “ She said, “ and I hope it’s little better as it was. But I am sorry if I’ve made it worse.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER - Rape, language use. 
> 
> Anxious about posting chapters for this but then I like ( wrong word ) writing how Robert’s mental health can deteriorate, I can write how Liv and Aaron and everyone else is frantic about Robert missing as well.

“ Aaron? “ Says Liv slowly, eyes adjusting from the dark room trying to see her brother. 

“ What? “ He croaks out from the sofa, voice raw from crying. 

She walks over to him, turns the lamp on next to the sofa, a soft glow casting the room in a light gold. Aaron squints from the light, too used to being in the dark so long. When Liv sits beside him, she glances at her brother and sees his bloodshot eyes and tear-stained cheeks. She feels her chest ache from the sadness for the past several hours, her brother heartbroken and her other brother being kidnapped. 

“ What are you doing down here? “ She asks confused, suddenly feeling awkward and out-of-place for some weird reason.  

He sniffs softly, more tears come to his eyes as he tightens the sleeve around his palm more. “ I couldn’t sleep. “ Responds Aaron tiredly, still staring at the blank TV screen. 

Liv nods her head awkwardly, they both sit on the sofa for while in silence. “ What are the police going to do? “ she asks quietly, looking like a little girl suddenly from her vulnerable voice. 

He sighs. “ They said because they might not find any trace of where he went, they might not find him meaning they won't find Rob. “ he breaks down again the reality hitting him square in the face again. The possibility his husband not coming home. 

“ B-but they need too! They can't just say that!  “ Liv nearly shouts, clearly upset. 

“ I know, I know. But I have to ring when it's come to a full 24 hours. “ He says sounding helpless. 

Liv frowns. “ Why? They know he's missing! We know! “ she says frustrated. 

“ Because it had only been 1 hour 30 minutes since he went. They only file missing reports when “ the victim “ has been missing for a whole day. “ He mocks even using the quotation marks, voice emotionless. 

“ That's pathetic. “ 

Aaron ignores her comment, too stuck in his head. “ I know deep down Robert isn't going to be a massive concern, he's an adult and the police probably put him further down their list. “ Aaron shakes his head pissed off, voice full of venom and despair. 

“ Well, we could do something? We could -could put up posters around everywhere and put some online? “ Liv suggests, nearly looking hopeful, Aaron just wishes he could be as positive as her. 

He forces a smile, forces himself to become as high spirited. “ What if you start getting a good photo of Robert, get all the details ready and show me when your done, Okay? “ He suggests, and he feels tiny bit better when Liv smiles widely and runs up the stairs to start on her task.  When Liv goes out of eye shot Aaron lets himself collapse against the couch again, he blows out a long heavy breath, his tough act slipping away into a cold, heartbroken mess of grief. 

He misses Robert so much and it’s only been a day, he misses his voice and he hasn’t even had the chance to say he loves him. 

:::::: 

He shifts on the uncomfortable mattress, the springs digging into his back painfully. He grimaces and groans from the pain he’s in from his lower half, last nights events invading his mind. He looks down and bites down a sob when he sees the marks and bruising on his legs and hips. His trousers and pants over by the small window far away from him, it looks like they were obviously thrown.  
He turns on his side, facing the wall and turns himself into a ball. He stares at the wall with tears slipping down his face and nose, feeling numb. 

John comes through the old door and sees Robert curled in a ball. He smirks. “ Robby you weren’t very active last night were you? “ he mocks, as he bends down strokes Robert’s back, he ignores the shiver Robert makes with the contact. 

“ I want to go home. “ The blonde man says quietly, nearly breaking and sounding hoarse from the lack of water. 

John smiles and suddenly pulls Robert onto his back fast, Robert let’s out a loud yelp but John ignores his distressed state as he opens packet of pills and whiskey.  
“ You don’t need to go home Robby, your with me now and I’ll keep you safe. “ He speaks softly. 

Robert shakes his head and tries to sit up slowly, the pain unbearable now. “ A-Aaron needs me and Liv and Vic! I don’t want to stay here. “ he shouts. 

“ but they don’t need you do they? “ 

“ Yes they do, Aaron’s my husband and Liv and Vic are my sisters! All of them need me! “ he breaks his fragile voice and now he can’t speak, throat too sore to use, he winces in agony. 

“ Aaron doesn’t need you Robby, what use are you to him? Or to Vic and Liv? None of them need you. “ John says it softly, that Robert nearly believes him, all his insecurities coming back to the surface. 

He ignores him. “ They’ll be terrified where I’ve gone! They would’ve known I’ve gone missing by now!! “ Robert continues on shouting at the other man. 

John shakes his head angrily.  
“ You’re mine! They don’t need you, you need me! “ he spits out. 

He swallows hard feeling mote faint from lack of food and water. “ I don’t need you. “ he snarls, eyes narrowed full of hatred. 

John nods his head and kneels down in front of Robert again. Whilst stroking Robert’s cheek, ignores it when Robert pushes his hand away. “ You are broken. I knew it by the second I saw you, you need me to keep you in line. “ he manipulates using a fake soft voice. 

He shakes his head in denial. “ No! Get off me! “ he pushes hard against John and tries to free himself from the chain. He yanks at the metal chain forcefully. But John gets up from his fall and grabs Robert’s shoulders and pushes him aggressively against the wall, making Robert smash his head against the impact, his reflexes not coming in time when he greets the wall with his face. 

“ You want to try that again? “ He spits out with a smirk on his face, as he kicked Robert in the back with every word. 

“ please stop “ Robert screams out from the pain, curling himself in on himself. 

“ Hmm no. I’m going to show you how you’ve been a bad boy and need a telling. “ He laughs suddenly, he grabs Robert by the hair and hits his head against the wall repeatedly. It causes black spots forming in Robert’s vision, he feels something trickle down his face.

“ Stop it, please, stop! “ he begged holding up his arm to try protect himself, face full of fear. 

John ignores him, carries on smacking him in the wall till he falls unconscious. 

Roberts been unconscious for 2 hours, slumped over the mattress with blood over it and himself from his head. His head banging from the countless bangs it’s got and he notices there’s sick next to him. 

He looks up sees John walk in with a bowl in his hands, he’s got a soft expression on his face as he smiles when he notices Robert is awake. 

“ How do you feel Robby? “ he speaks so affectionate that Robert nearly believes John cares. The split second later he hates himself for even thinking that. “ You’ve got quite of a bruise on your forehead haven’t you? “ he sounds impressed looking at the blue - purple bruise covering Roberts’s forehead. 

“ I got you some food. “ said John pushes the bowl towards him hungrily. 

He shakes his head. “ No. “ he doesn’t want anything from that man, even if he is staving and hasn’t eaten in 2 days. 

“ No? How are you meant to keep your strength up for later?” 

Roberts frown deepens. “ What’s happening later? “ he asks scared, voice wavering. 

John cups Robert’s jaw and gently kissed his lips, he laughs when Robert pushes him off and wipes away the touch. “ nothing you need to worry about. “ he smiles. “ come on you need to eat. “ 

His stomach rumbles loudly giving away his hunger and he sighs hates how it gave it away. He reluctantly gets the bowl and starts eating the soup, it’s his favourite chicken soup he nearly smiles. 

“ See? I knew you’ll love it. Remember when I got it for you in London? “ the other man smiles remising the old era.  
Robert slowly nods his head awkwardly, just wanting to eat his soup but his eyes start to feel heavy. 

“ Night night Robby. “ The black haired man says darkly, as he strokes the unconscious individual on the floor. 

:::::: 

“ I’ve made the posters. “ Liv said heavily as she pushes them into Aaron’s chest in the kitchen. 

He stares at the photo, the photo of his beautiful husband. Liv used the photograph from their legal wedding, he looked so happy his eyes sparkled looking directly into the camera. He was wearing the fitted dark blue suit Aaron picked out for him. 

The girl noticed her brothers upset face looking at the poster, she felt guilt and panic rush through her in waves. “ i- I’m sorry I didn’t mean to upset you! I just thought it was a good photo of him and - “ 

Aaron interrupted her rambling. “ It’s a perfect photo of him. “ he chokes out. 

She half smiles, eyes glistening with tears. “ He really looked happy didn’t he? “ 

The man nodded his head staring at the poster still, just seeing the big, red words ‘ Missing ‘ the lump formed bigger in his throat. “ All of us were that day, he couldn’t stop smiling end of the day he had jaw ache. “ he laughed as he smiled remembering that day.  
He cleared his throat and posed himself, standing up and straightening his back. “ Your going to be late for your bus so hurry up and get ready. “ 

“ I want to stay off, I - “ 

“ Liv I know your worried, more than worried about Robert but you need to go to school okay?” He said gently. She nodded her head and reluctantly gone upstairs to get ready. 

::::::: 

“ W-whats happening? “ he slurred, before it dawned on him. “ Get off me! “ He fought against the man climbing on him, touching him all over his body. 

“ Shhh, your going to have the time of your life. “ John whispered into the blondes mans ear. 

Robert whimpered against the mans touch trying to fight against him but it was no good. The man was too strong and when he aggressively pushed himself into Robert he let out a silent scream. His jaw wide, the pain radiating all over his body, he felt everything thrust, every move, he felt the man in him and he was unable to do anything. 

“ Come on do something will you? I know you’ll be a good little slut. “ The man spits into Robert’s ear, moving his hands around to Robert’s crotch feeling him. 

“ Please stop. “ Robert whimpers, tears falling down his face. The man carries on his assault till he comes and leaves Robert laying on the mattress lifeless. He curls in on himself and shakes gently, ignoring the pain shooting up into his spine. 

‘ I want to go home. I want to go away, why has this happened to me again? ‘ thought Robert. 

::::: 

“ Have you seen this man? “ Aaron asks nearly frantically towards the woman looking at him, but she only shakes her head gently, face full of pity as she swiftly walks away. Aaron sighs, holds his phone down another failed attempt. He’s been asking people for hours, when in reality it’s only been an hour. He feels so helpless and feels like a failed husband, he feels so guilty that he can’t find Robert, he feels like he is failing him. 

He’s been putting up the posters Liv made all around Hotten, lampposts, asking shops to put them up. He tries again asking more people, trying not to lose hope. 

“ Love? Come home now you’ve spent all day asking people you need to rest. “ Chas’s smoothing voice comes through the phone, sounding concerned for her son. 

“ I need to carry on mum. “ he sounds exhausted sitting in his car in the dark. 

“ I know love, but you need to sleep and have some food. You need to tell Victoria, she’s been away and doesn’t have a clue her brother is missing! “ her voice full of panic and dread. 

He sighs, whole of his body deflating against the seat as he leans his head back against the head of the seat. He feels bit guilty that he hasn’t even told Robert’s sister but he just feels a wave of dread about retelling the story of Robert’s departure. But he knows he needs to tell her, she has a right to know. 

“ Aaron? Love? You still there? “ she asks concerned and bit concerned about the silence on his end. 

He blinks quickly, coming out of his little zone out moment. “ Err yeh I am. I’ll tell her tomorrow. “ 

“ You need to Love, she has a right to know. “ 

“ I know mum. “ he says heavily and cancels the call, tears welling up in his eyes just thinking about today, how he ran around the whole of Hotten asking people, showing people the photograph of Robert but having unsuccessful hits.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thinking I might make Robert have Stockholm syndrome?


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Triggers - Whiskey, substance abuse, cutting, rape is implied. 
> 
> Let you know there will be more torture in later chapters, I just wanted to let you know before hand.

He woke up slowly on his husband's side of the bed, it feels like he is closer to him. It reminds him of Robert and he can still smell him on the bed sheets. He started wearing Robert’s clothes (the joggers, hoodies, t-shirts) and the boxers. He even puts on the outrageously expensive aftershave and the 30 quid shampoo. 

It’s like a piece of him has gone with Robert. 

He feels he can’t function without Robert by his side. 

He sighs into the white pillow. Another day, the possibility of not finding his husband. The police aren’t exactly doing anything, saying the same thing, “ We can’t find any trace of them, it is extremely difficult.” Robert has only been missing for 4 days but it feels like a century, 4 days without his voice, bright personality, 4 days without his husband. 

He heavily sighs again and reaches for his phone on the bedside table, he smiles softly at the lock screen. Himself and Robert at the Alta on their wedding day, the legal one, Chas captured them kissing perfectly and they looked so perfect. 

Aaron hit the voicemail button and the message started to play, Robert’s voice filled the room. 

‘ Oh my god Aaron! There was a Star Wars Lego set and it was a beauty! The Kessel run millennium! I couldn’t just leave it there and let some kid get it so I brought it! ‘ He sounded such a little kid, Aaron thought.   
‘ it was a little pricy but I’ll repay you in sexual favours. I need to go, love you. ‘ 

He wiped away few tears laughing to himself, Robert was such a nerd, but he didn’t have the heart to say anything when he came in and spotted Robert at the table building it. 

Out of nowhere a sob came out, he’s never going to get voice mails again from Robert about star war sets, or anything Lord of the rings again. 

“ Please... j-just... let him... come.. h-home... “ he gasped through his sobs, not knowing who he is actually talking to in particular. 

 

::::::::::: 

Few hours later from his emotional breakdown this morning he found the courage to tell Victoria. 

It has now gone and filled with dread. 

“ Oh hi Aaron why are you here?” She looks surprised, her eyebrows forming a frown. 

He clears his throat and shuffles a bit, kicking an imaginary stone. “ Can I come in? “ he asks looking hesitant. Victoria nods her head and lets him in with a narrowed eye. 

He sits on the couch and looks at her trying to look interested. “ So, how was the cooking trip then? “ he started off casually. 

Victoria looked taken back.   
“ You never ask about those cooking trips. “ she said matter of factly. “ come on Aaron tell me the real reason you’re here, I know you got something to ask me. “ she sounded annoyed maybe from the lack of sleep after her trip. 

The man looked even more uncomfortable like he didn’t exactly know how to put it into words. “ Well... It’s Robert. “ he said heavily, tears reaching his eyes already. 

‘ God it feels ten times worse saying it again, ‘ he thinks. 

“ Oh my god what’s wrong? What’s happened? “ she blurted out tearfully. 

Aaron blow out a long, hard breath as he composed himself and looked at her in the eye.  
 “ He - He was taken. “ 

“ Taken? “ 

Aaron nodded, ‘ god this is going to break her, ‘ he thought. 

“ John, “ said Aaron, darkly.   
“ he’s been stalking rob for a week - 2 weeks - “ he’s flustered, shaking his head gently. The days mixing into one.  “ Looks like he went to the Mill when me and Liv went out and he took him. “ he chokes out, holding back a sob. 

“ Oh my - How long has Robert been missing for? “ she asked upset, tears dripping down slowly.   
   
“ 2 days. We don’t have a clue where they are, the police said it’s even harder to find someone when there is no trace. “ He cried. 

“ Why would he take him for? “ She cries into her sleeve confused and distressed.

“ he did something to Robert years go and he wants him back no doubt. “ said Aaron darkly. 

“ What? When did this happen?” Victoria asks shocked. 

“ When Robert was living in London. “ 

“ What did he do? “ the woman asks quietly. 

“ I can’t say Vic, it’s not my story to tell. “ 

“ please Aaron he’s my brother!” She pleaded.  

Aaron sighed heavily. “ I’m sorry Vic, but Robert should tell you. “ 

“ Aaron he’s my brother! He is in danger and you won’t tell me what happened! “ She nearly shouts leaning forward-looking hysterical. 

Aaron sighs heavily and shifts in his place on the couch. He rubs his forehead trying to relax the pain forming in his temple.   
“ John raped Robert.  “ He chokes out forcefully wiping away the tears falling down his cheeks. 

Victoria’s face instantly goes white, whiter than sheets as she sits on the couch unable to move. “ What “ barely a whisper. 

Aaron nods his head slowly. “ It was in London. I can't say anything else Vic. “ he regrets telling her seeing her stoned expression. 

“ He- he’s kept it quite for all this time, even when you went through that with Gordon. “ She speaks in a daze doesn’t notice when Aaron flinched from that man’s name. “ N-now Johns got him! And we probably, - “ She breaks down crying for the loss of her brother, knowing that they probably won’t ever see him again.

 “ Vic it’s going to be okay, we’re going to find him. “ he hugs her tightly as he soothes his distressed friend. 

‘ How is this going to be okay? He may never be the same again, ‘ the small voice in the back of his head calling out. 

:::::::::::: 

“ You need a shower don’t you?” John grimaced and stepped away from Robert. 

“ I need food. “ He wined painfully, laying on the mattress in a daze seeing the room spin slowly. 

John laughed. “ Oh no you don’t deserve to eat Robby, after all the hassle you have caused me.“ he leaned closer. “ You deserve to starve to death. “ he laughs in Robert’s face. “ but I guess you do need something for your energy don’t you? “ he considers, tapping his middle finger against his chin. 

“.... p-please... I feel ill.... “ Robert whispers, looking like he is seconds away from collapsing.  

“ Such a drama queen. “ he mocks. “ Okay I’ll let you eat on one condition, you call me master and do whatever I ask.. “ 

Robert uses all the strength he has to look at the kidnapper and nearly laughs. “ You What? “ his voice mocking, listening to the delusional remark from John. 

John leans forward strokes Robert’s hair whilst aggressively yanking Robert’s arm towards him. “ You are poisonous and need be put in line. Unless you want to put Liv and Aaron in danger you will do whatever I say. “ he threatens. 

Robert gulps hard and his eyes widen, heart thumping out of his chest about to fly out. The possibility of his family getting hurt, especially by John, there is only one easy option to pick. 

“ I’ll do anything please just don’t hurt them. “ he pleaded, face full of fear which turns to vulnerability in a second when John laughs in his face and strokes his head again. 

“ That’s a good choice Robby, your mine and always will be. That means you won’t be needing this ring. “ he slides of the dark grey wedding ring, puts the ring into his pocket. 

“ No! I - need it back. “ he pleads trying to reach for the ring and falls back with a grunt from John pushing him. 

“ Why do you need this Robby? Your mine and will never leave here. “ he sounds so genuine it’s scary. 

“ I - it’s just I’m so used to wearing it. “ Said Robert, covering up quickly, not wanting to anger John. 

“ Well you need to get used to not wearing it. “ his voice cold.   
“ Repeat after me - I’m yours master. “ 

“ Say it!! “ John shouts hating Robert for disobeying him. 

“ I’m yours master. “ he repeats quietly. 

“ And Aaron doesn’t love me. “ He pushes. 

‘ No, no, I can’t say that, ‘ Robert thinks frantically. 

“ say it Robby come on, I know he doesn’t love you, I saw him kiss a random bloke in Hotten. “ John said mocking with a smirk plastered on his face. 

Robert’s eyes widen. “ No. “ it slips out silently. 

John laughs, he smiles full of pity. “ It’s true Robby, I would never hurt you. “ he smiles softly. “ say Aaron doesn’t love me master. “ 

Robert sighs heavily, few tears slipping from his eyes. “ Aaron doesn’t love me master. “ he copies, feeling an ache in his chest. 

John looks pleased, face full of delight. “ I’m glad you finally know that Robby, and I will get you to say it everyday to get you to understand it. “ 

He can do nothing but nod his head. How can he deny Aaron’s love? He just wants to go home, be with his family but he knows that isn’t going to happen. He stuck with John and he just has to do anything John wants, even if that means not seeing the light of day again. 

“ Come on Robby. “ John pushes for him to get out of his thoughts. John grabs Robert’s wrist and drags him up from his sitting position but because of the lack of food he stumbles into him, grabs Johns chest for support - because of the severe weight loss already. “ Aw Robby you falling for me? “ he jokes nasty, the other man flinched. 

John goes into the shower with Robert and he washes him head to toe. Whilst kissing him all over and pushing himself into Robert. He silently cried, knowing he has to go through the pain and the assaults. Because no one isn’t going to find a disappointment, poisonous man like him, he deserves everything that has - is - happening to him now. 

When John decided to turn off the old shower off, he led Robert back to the smallish room and Robert collapsed onto the mattress, the exercise too much for him. 

“ Wake up Robby. “ John shook Robert from his slumber, aggressively shaking the man till he woke up. 

“ mmm. “ Robert made a noise still asleep, he tugged the thin, dirty sheet over him more as the head was pounding with pain. 

He just wanted to hide!   

“ OW! “ Robert shouted painfully, but he was pushed down with Johns arm leaning heavily on his throat. “ W-hat you doin’! “ He cried, feeling his skin on his stomach being cut into by the blade. 

“ I’m marking whats mine. “ he said simply, he carried on cutting Robert’s skin. “ This is a reminder, you will never forget you belong to me. “ he smirked. “ and because I want to torture you. “ he laughed, digging the blade into the skin as he made a long line as blood seeped to the top and started running down the sides.  

“ p-please stop. “ Robert cried. 

“ Aww don’t cry. “ John soothed him softly. “ Do you want to go to sleep? “ he smiled darkly. He got a bottle of whiskey and secretly poured in mixture of powders and shook it. “ Here. Drink.” he ordered. 

“ I need water. “ Robert answered weakly, turning away his head. 

“ I said drink. “ He ordered again firmer, gripping Robert’s neck up. 

Robert reluctantly took the whiskey bottle and started gulping down the brown liquid. Since he’s been in this room for however long, and hasn’t hardly gotten water he forcefully gulps down the drink, his body itching for liquids. He doesn’t notice he’s drank the whole bottle, and before he can do anything he falls into a deep sleep. 

“ I’m going to have lots of fun tomorrow with you. “ John smirked creepily looking at the unconscious man, as he traced Robert’s face with one finger and running down his front.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Any questions please ask respectfully. ;)


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger - Rape, self harm, drugs, whiskey. 
> 
> Just Robert and John chapter, I’ll show Aaron, Liv etc in the next one.

“ Just look at you. You look so peaceful don’t you? Just how I always remembered. “ He laughs, cupping Robert’s jaw. “ I can’t wait to break you, to ruin you. To make you mine, all for me. To wreck you. “ John smirks widely as he speaks clearly, he leans closer to the unconscious Robert. “ Aaron never loved you, nobody does Robby, only me, only I love you.” He whispers into his ear and leans away, he starts to take down Robert’s underwear. 

::::::: 

Robert stirs awake with a groan, wincing from the bright light from the small window. He covers his eyes with his arm and tries to get up. Well pulls himself up from the mattress. He looks around noticing John is nowhere to be seen. He sighs in relief. He gets up and leans against the wall for support, whole of his body aching. He goes to the window to look out but the chain stopping him, on his ankle. He’s never felt so alone, so isolated in all these years, London was terrible but at least he had the freedom but now? He’s chained up to a big metal chain, living in a small, damply room and covered in bruises, cuts and being used for Johns horrific urges. 

“ Oh your up and awake now? “ Johns voice filling up the room, he smirks walking to the skinny man by the windowsill. 

Robert closes in on himself and backs away silently, scared of John, tears welling up in his eyes as he shivers from either the cold or the nerves. 

John goes up close to him, strokes his cheek gently as he smirks liking to see how uncomfortable and terrified Robert is around him. “ Robby are you cold? “ He says in a fake soft voice. 

He shakes his head, wrapping his arms around his middle further, turning his head away but unsuccessful when John grabs his jaw and squeezes it. 

John laughs creepily. “ You are pathetic. I’ve never met anyone like it Robby, you are a disappointment. Jack was right all along. “ the whole of Johns face looking honest. 

‘ No, your wrong. I’m not! Just ignore him, ‘ Robert frantically thinks to himself. 

“ Everyone sees it, Vic, Liv, Aaron the list goes on Robby, “ 

His eyes widen. “ H-how do you know Victoria and Liv? “ he asks scared, voice deathly quite. 

John leans closer, Robert can feel his breath on his skin he squirms away. “ I know everything about you. “ John smirks again, he suddenly puts his hand against Robert’s mouth and grips hard. “ And nobody else knows the real you, the real Robert Sugden. “ 

“ A-Aaron knows everything about me. “ Robert defends, sounding confident but there’s a shiver in his voice. He flinched when John laughed and dug his fingers into his cheeks. 

“ Does he now? “ John questions raising one eyebrow. 

Robert nods against the death grip in Johns hand. “ He knows everything about me. “ he repeats but quieter. 

John sees red, just red and punches Robert in the stomach winding him as he doubles over in agony. 

Punch after punch 

Kick after kick 

“ YOU ARE MINE! “ John screams, grabbing Robert by the shoulders and throwing him against the wall. 

“ I KNOW THE REAL ROBBY! YOU ARE ROTTON TO THE CORE, JUST LIKE ME! “ The attacker screams, punching Robert repeatedly in the stomach. 

“ P-please stop. “ Robert pleads fearfully, putting a hand out to try to stop the attack. 

“ Don’t you see? I’ve been keeping you safe! “ he explains, grabbing Robert by the t-shirt.   
“ Aaron is dangerous, only me can keep you safe and protected. “ 

“ H-he’s not dangerous. “ He says weakly, all the strength running out of his body. 

Johns face softens. “ He is Robby, I took you away to protect you. “ he manipulates.   
“ Everybody knows how poisonous you are, they haven’t forgiven you for the things you’ve done. “ 

“ T-they Have. “ Robert stammers out, trying to ignore John but he’s right isn’t he? They haven’t forgiven me, Chas will always hate me deep down, and Aaron as well. 

“ Where are they? “ John suddenly says raising his eyebrows. 

“ W-hat? “ Robert lets out. 

“ Where are they Robby? “ he repeats playfully. “ They’re not here are they? They’re not looking for you, they don’t care about you. “ 

Before Robert could say anything John forcefully opens his mouth and pops in a pill and whiskey. 

“ For the pain Robby. “ He whispers, dropping Robert onto the floor and watching how he falls unconscious. 

::::::: 

He wakes up again and feels something next to him, he frowns when he sees a letter on the mattress. 

‘ To Robby, I had to leave to sort out something. I’ve left you some items to remind yourself that you’re mine. I want you to repeat ‘ I’m Johns, ‘ every time you hurt yourself. To mark that your mine and will always be mine. ‘ 

He gulps hard and gets out the razor blade and the lighter from the envelope. There are tears blurring his vision as he lifts up the top baggy t-shirt. He sees the many cuts littered over his front, nearly covering every bit of skin. His once, clear, pale body now reduced to scars, bruises, blisters and cuts. 

He takes in a deep breath, he does the first line and it doesn’t exactly hurt like it used to before. Maybe because he’s used to it, maybe because he has found a new release to deal with everything. It helps, he feels like everything drains out and he can finally breathe again. 

‘ Aaron won’t want me now, ‘ he thinks bitterly. 

He cuts his arms, to his chest, to his legs. He drops the blade and hysterically cries. It comes out of nowhere, these emotions. He punches the wall repeatedly as he screams. 

“ I hate you! I hate you! I hate you! “ he breaks out into another sob, wraps his arms around his legs. He just wants more pills, hates how he’s become dependent on the whiskey and the endless amounts of drugs he’s been given. 

He wants the pain to go away so desperately, hates how he was perfect before all this and now he is skinny, dependent on drugs and alcohol. 

He hates John for it. 

There’s a consistent ache in his chest, he always has this feeling like something is under his skin and he just wants to rip it off. 

He sighs, as he sniffs and reaches for the lighter, watches as the sparks light up and he can feel the heat on his fingers.   
He takes a deep breath before pushing the lighter into his thigh, he screams in his throat as tears fall down his face. He pulls it back and sees how there is a visible white circle and angry, red skin around the white surface. 

He sighs in relief, and blows out a breath. 

“ Hello Robby, did you do as I asked? “ John suddenly appears out of fucking nowhere, causing Robert to jump out of his skin and hit the wall with his back. 

“ Gave ya bit of a fright there did I? “ John laughs at the man hugging his knees ignoring him. 

“ You know all this is your fault Robby, if you didn’t tell the police back then about us having se- “ 

“ YOU RAPED ME! “ Robert shouts voice cracking from the middle word. 

John just rolls his eyes and sighs, walking to Robert threading his fingers through the blonde locks. “ I didn’t Robby, you wanted it as much as I did. “ he responds in a fake soft voice. “ You know you need to be punished now? “ he speaks softly, leaves Robert confused watching the man go. 

Robert’s eyes widen in horror.   
“ You know you caused this Robby. “ John speaks creepily, he slides the whip through his fingers before tightening it. 

“ And now you are going to pay for it. Come on, all fours. “ John orders, when Robert is still frozen in shock John shouts at him to obey him, his loud voice echoing. 

The first hit left a red mark on Robert’s back as he hissed in pain. “ you know what to say. “ John smirks. 

“ I’m yours master. “ He whispered. 

Another hit. “ Louder. “ John orders firmly. 

Tears drop from Robert’s eyes.   
“ I’m yours master. “ He grits through his teeth. 

“ I know you’ll learn eventually. “ He laughs, looks pleased.  
“ All this is your fault Robby. “ he speaks whipping Robert twice. 

“ I-it I-isn’t. “ He stammers, the pain unbearable. 

“ If you didn’t tell the police, you wouldn’t have gone through all that pain. “ He smirks knowing he is getting to Robert. As he whipped Robert again.. “ You wouldn’t be here now if you didn’t tell Aaron, or the police. “ 

Robert shakes his head slowly, feeling all the jigsaws going into place. It’s true isn’t it? If he didn’t tell anyone, he would’ve still had his mates from London still, Aaron and Liv wouldn’t be worried- if they even care - about him, he thinks. 

“ I’ve got you something Robby.” He strokes Robert’s head. 

“ W-hat? “ he asks scared. 

The black haired man just smirks as he gets out something from his pocket. 

A cigarette? 

“ Aaron used to take this didn’t he? “ John asks, looks interested. Weirdly. 

Nothing to do but nod.

“ Take it Robby. “ He pushes the cigarette towards the man, Robert reluctantly takes it. 

“ W-Why are you d-doing this? “ Robert pushes out, his back painful like someone poured boiling hot water on him. 

“ I like to see you hurt. I like to torture you and make you mine. “ John kisses Robert’s lips, a soft moan leaving Robert’s lips. 

‘ What?! no! Why did I just moan?! ‘ Robert frantically thinking. 

“ P-please stop. “ Robert twists his head to the side, closing his eyes tight. 

“ I’ll only stop when you have taken that cigarette. “ John speaks firmly, stroking the other man’s cheek. 

John lights the cigarette as Robert takes it and does his first puff, the whole of his body relaxes. 

“ such a good boy Robby. “ John comments proud, stroking Robert’s cheek as he threads his fingers through the blonde locks. 

“ m-tired. “ Robert slurs, falling against the wall, rubbing his head. Everything falling like its stuck on slow motion. His head going lightheaded. 

“ Sleep. “ The man whispers into Robert’s ear, like on demand Robert falls asleep, darkness pulling him under. 

:::::::::::::: 

The following day, Robert is still asleep till 12:00, completely dead to the world. John was happy, smirking like a Cheshire Cat as he did the unthinkable things to Robert again. And again. 

Robert stirs awake looking around the room, but it all looks wrong. Just wrong. He sees Aaron standing by the door frame, but he isn’t here? It’s just Robert. 

The NotAaron walks towards Robert with the softest smile, full of love towards the man. But Robert shovels into the corner of the room, terrified. 

“ Rob, it’s me, Aaron. “ He speaks gently, voice calm like he is talking to a frightened deer. 

“ N-no your not h-here. “ He stammers, making himself as small as possible. 

“ I am Rob. “ He smiles, touching Robert’s cheek, his small falls when Robert flinches. 

“ Rob. “ His voice breaks. 

Suddenly this wave of emotion hits Robert and he lunges towards Aaron, wraps his arms around the man’s neck. “ I m-missed you s-So much. “ Robert cries. 

“ me too, me too. “ Aaron soothes. 

“ Robert. “ What? No! Not John! 

“ G-get away from us! “ Robert screams, grabbing the   
Not!Aaron towards him. 

“ Wow you really lost it ay? “ John smirks, looks amazed. 

“ N-no I-haven’t! A-Aaron’s here. “ He shouts. 

“ Shame isn’t it? “ John smirks again, walks closer to Robert as he scrambles up to stand. 

“ G-get away from us! “ He screams, heart beating like it’s about to fly out. 

“ No. “ 

The frantic, scared man shoves John at the chest hard causing him to stumble a bit but not to lose his balance. A wave of anger crosses Johns face as he flies himself towards Robert and punches him hard in the face. He slid down the wall, blood dropping from his nose, his cheek/jaw throbbing with pain. 

“ You are deluded! This is the exact reason why i need to keep you in line! “ John shouts at the man in a heap on the floor, he is towering over Robert blocking out the light. 

“ I-I m-sorry! “ Robert cries, from the pain or the reason Aaron isn’t here. 

“ You should be sorry. “ He says darkly. “ On knees now. “ He orders firmly, only Robert shakes his head unable to move feels too weak. “ I said now! You have been a naughty boy and need to be disciplined. “ John smirks, voice patronising. 

Tears come to his eyes as he cries softly. “ I-I’m s-sorry master. “ He shakes, remembering how he needs to refer to John. 

“ If you are sorry you’re going to listen to me, okay? “ He speaks softly all sudden. “ And then you can have a nice, deep sleep. “ he strokes Robert’s hair. 

“ P-please can I h-have them now? “ Robert pleads, just wants the whiskey and drugs he has now become dependent on. He just wants to be knocked out, doesn’t want to carry on anymore. 

John shakes his head. “ No Robby, you know the rules. “ he grabs Robert’s shoulder to hurl him up, forcing Robert onto his knees as he unzips the zipper on his jeans. Robert is crying freely now, the whole of his body shaking as he is forced to suck off John. 

“ I know you like it Robby, i know you love this. “ He breaths out, tightening his hand with the handful of blonde locks. 

“ P-please... no... “ He cries, trying to pull away but only having his head pushed further into the man’s crotch. 

“ Swallow. “ John orders, Robert shakes his head aggressively.   
“ Do it! “ he shouts, Robert has no option but to do it. 

“ Well done Robby. “ John looks pleased. “ I know you liked it really, bringing back memories is it? “ he smirks. “ I just want you to be mine, even back then you were mine. “ 

“ P-please l-leave me a-alone. “ Robert breaks down. 

John tuts. “ Such a baby aren’t you? No wonder Aaron doesn’t love you, at least I do. “ Robert flinches, a small quite voice in the back of his mind telling John he’s wrong. 

“ Here you go. “ John hands over the bottle of whiskey, pills and the cigarette to Robert, his eyes light up and he smirks when Robert grabs them and downs the pill and whiskey, even starts to light the cigarette as well with shaking hands. 

“ Look what you have become Robby, a druggy. Such a scumbag aren’t you? “ He comments, a fake soft voice like he is talking to a child. “ At least I care about you. “ He strokes Robert’s cheek. 

“ L-leave.... m-me a-lone. “ He slurs, vision doubling, the whole room spinning and the next thing he is being violently sick over the floor and passes out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do hate myself for writing this and causing the characters pain and grief, but on the other hand, I want to write Robert going through a dark patch after this and how everyone deals with it. 
> 
> I do have moments when i want to abandon this fic, which is just as exhausting becos I want to carry on but stop at the same time. I feel do the readers even find it interesting? I’m I making myself look terrible for writing this? 
> 
> Sorry, all my thoughts.


	9. Chapter 9

“ Love, you need to slow down. You’re going to run yourself into the ground. “ Chas is concerned looking at her son writing posters at the table. 

The younger man ignored her, blocking her out, needing to focus on one thing. “ I need to make more, the rain yesterday must have ruined them so I need to make more today. “ He frantically got the posters together as he went to the kitchen to get calotype. 

“ Aaron listen to me! “ she raised her voice, getting his attention. “ You look exhausted! You have black eye bags under your eyes, you don’t even look like your looking after yourself! You need to- “ 

“ How can I look after myself when my husband is missing? “ Aaron shouted out his voice cracking, tears dropping from his eyes. “ How can I sleep at night without him here?! How can I rest knowing that man is doing the unthinkable to my husband! You tell me how I am meant to cope! “ 

The woman looked down guilty. “ Love, I know your worried - “ 

“ it’s more than that. “ He butted in quietly. 

She sighed softly as she walked over to her son. “ Aaron I know you are distrust about him, I know you can’t cope without Robert here but - How is Robert going to feel when you are in hospital as well? Because you haven’t been looking after yourself. “ 

“ I just want him back. “ he cried, Chas hugged him tightly. 

“ I know, I know. All of us want him back. “ 

“ The police have given up though! I need to do this for Robert, I can’t give up! “ 

“ How do you know the police have given up love? “ She asked confused. 

He sighed and rubbed his eyes. “ Because it’s been a week, and they can’t find any trace of them. They can’t do anything, I know they’ve put my husband on the back burner. “ 

“ no they haven’t. I know it may seem like they have but they are trying love. “ She replied softly. 

Aaron sighed and shook his head softly, not wanting to talk anymore. He walked to the end of the stairs and called for his sister. “ Liv come on your going to be late! “ 

“ Aaron you can’t ignore me. “ Chas said firmly to her son, now standing behind the sofa next to Aaron. 

“ I can. “ he replied. 

Liv slowly walked down the stairs looking how Aaron feels. 

Hollow. 

“ Liv are you okay? “ he asked frightened, seeing her cheeks red and eyes bloodshot. 

“ I just miss him! I want Robert back! “ Liv cried loudly against Aaron’s chest as he tightened the hug. 

His own tears dropping down his face, the ache in his chest only getting bigger and heavier. “ I know Liv, I want him back as well. “ 

“ They say that when it’s longer than 24 hours it’s not good! And it’s been a week! He’s dead isn’t he? Robert’s dead! And we don’t even know where he is! “ she pulled away, her voice raw. 

“ D-don’t say that! Robert’s not dead, he’s not! I would have known! “ Aaron screamed through the tears. 

“ I’m sorry. “ Liv replied quietly. 

He sighed and hugged her resting his head on the top of hers. “ it’s okay, but we just need to stay hopeful. What happens when we give up ay? How would Robert feel? “ 

“ I’m not giving up. “ she mumbled. 

“ Good, are you sure you want to go to school today? “ he asked concerned. 

Liv nodded her head slowly.   
“ Yeh, Robert would go mad if I missed school wouldn’t he? “ she smiled weakly. 

“ Remember that time when he lectured you about missing school? 1 hour of him ranting! “ Chas said laughing but it felt hollow. 

Aaron smiled softly. “ All about you being a good kid and how you can’t miss school cos you would end up in a crap job. And look at you know? Doing so well in lessons and Robert’s so proud. “ he said proudly. 

“ Even brought you a new phone. “ Chas commented with a grin. 

“ The expect one I wanted. “ she said quietly. 

Aaron smiled weakly. “ Your going to be late for your bus. “ he changed the subject, feeling emotional again. 

“ Okay, if any- “ 

“ I will let you know straight away. “ Aaron said softly and gave her one last hugged and she left. 

And that’s when he broke down. 

“ Liv’s right! It is bad isn’t it? A week without anything happening! “ Aaron cried, his strong act slipping away. 

Chas just hugged him not knowing what to say because deep down in her heart she knows it’s not good. 

After 10 minutes of crying he pulls away and tells his mum to leave as he needs to get ready and she can’t stay here wasting time. 

He walks up the stairs into their bedroom and smiles softly seeing his husbands clothes.   
That floral shirt bringing back memories. 

‘ Your seriously going to wear that disaster? ‘ Aaron scoffed. 

‘ What? It’s nice! Just because your jealous. ‘ Robert smirked. 

‘ Nah mate, not jealous of that thing. ‘ he pointed at the ‘ disaster’ shirt. 

Robert slid his arms around Aaron’s waist and kissed him on the lips. ‘ not your mate. ‘ he whispered. 

Aaron blinks back tears, looking through the rest of the clothes picking out one of Robert’s black hoodies. He lifts it to his nose and smells in deeply, it still smells like Robert. Aaron slides the hoodie on unashamed and gets out his husbands grey joggers as well. Ever since Robert went missing Aaron’s been wearing his husbands clothes, missing him that much it physically aches. 

He goes over to the cabinet and gets Robert’s overly expensive aftershave cologne spays it on himself. He smiles faintly, it’s just like Robert’s here. 

Just like his husband is with him. 

But he’s not, is he? 

Aaron breaks down as he slides down the cabinet crying against his palms, breathing heavily. 

“ i- just - miss.... you- so much...“ he breaths deeply, catching breaths as he pushes out words. “ P-please... just - let him come home. “ he cries louder, curling himself into a ball and pushing his head further into his knees. 

::::::::::: 

“ mmm so nice this is, doesn’t it smell delicious Robby? “ John smirks waving the apple pie in front of Robert’s exhausted face. 

Robert’s mouth waters, the growing pain of hunger suddenly hits him and he winces. “ P-please... “ he pleads, cries even from the lack of energy. 

John nods and puts it towards Robert’s face, he smirks seeing the pure delight when Robert sees it coming. John quickly takes it away again and eats it whole, laughing at the fallen face and he actually sees tears in Robert’s eyes. 

“ Are you- are you crying? “ He mocks. 

Robert ignores the comment, he just wants food and water that’s it. “ P-please.. I need... I - “ 

“ here. “ he chucks the bottle of whiskey onto the mattress hitting Robert on his nonexistent stomach. His hands shaking, his body craving water not whiskey. 

“ no, no I need - I need water. “ 

“ Hmm? No. Drink that or stay thirsty. “ John orders darkly. Robert drinks the whiskey, not wincing from the strong pain anymore too used of having it. 

Now addicted to it. 

He doesn’t get drunk from it now, which doesn’t please John. He wants Robert to be drowsy, half conscious not remembering anything. 

John smiles when Robert pants from drinking the whole bottle in short period of time, likes how Robert looks dead like. He walks over to Robert and threads his fingers through the long, blonde locks. 

“ Your hairs getting long isn’t it?” He comments rhetorically.   
“ you used to have it like this when you were younger. “ John smiles creepily, carries on playing with Robert’s hair as he doesn’t the stone face Robert has. How he just sits there staring into space, little drops of tears slowly falling down his cheeks. 

“ You need a bath. “ John grimaces as he moved away from having a smell of him. He pulls Robert up without him making no effort to move, having no energy. 

“ Go into the bath then. “ John points out, slapping him on the back. Robert flinches as he does as he’s told, before getting pulled back from John. 

“ What are you forgetting? “ John quizzes. 

“ Yes master. “ he mumbles quietly and climbs into the old, faded, coloured bath. He stares at the wall feeling nothing, absolutely nothing, just empty. He flinches when the cold water hits him on his back, but he carries on ignoring it. 

“ I think we should decorate your room up more, what do you think Robby? “ 

“ I agree master. “ Robert says it emotionless, like he’s reading it off a script. 

“ your favourite colour is brown isn’t it? That was your favourite back in London. We can get a chair and maybe curtain, make it more homely Robby. “ John carries on softly. 

He washes Robert’s back with a rhythm it seems he doesn’t even notice Robert’s bones on show.   
John carries on talking to emotionless Robert, bathing all his body. 

The black haired man holds Robert’s dick and gently strokes backwards and forwards with his thumb. “ You really want me Don’t you Robby? “ he smirks, seeing Robert’s dick twitch. 

Robert squirmed trying get John off him, hating how his body is reacting to John. “ S-top, “ He pushes out scared. 

John uses his other hand to cup Robert’s jaw and kisses Robert on the lips, ignoring the tears falling down Robert’s face. He pushes his tongue in whilst gripping Robert’s semi hard dick in his hands. 

“ mmm. I knew you always wanted me. “ John mocks, seeing the fully hard dick in his hand. 

“ n-no. “ 

“ Come on I know you want this.” John pushes with a smirk. The black haired man forcefully goes up and down on Robert hard dick with his hand, looking pleased when a soft moan escapes Robert’s lips. How Robert breaks into a soft cry. 

“ I know you like it rough. “ John whispers in his ear as Robert breaks down, silently crying.  
“ come on Robby, I know you want it. “ 

“ n-no - mmm. “ Robert moans accidentally again feeling numb. He hates how he’s showing a forced reaction from John, hates how John is enjoying seeing Robert in pain and traumatised. 

John yanks Robert’s dick one more time till Robert comes.   
“ Awh look at that. Cumming from just my touch. “ John mocks nastily with his nasty little smirk he always has, it just makes Robert want to punch him. 

John pulls Robert out of the bath and they go into the rotten room Robert’s been sleeping in for however long. John pushes Robert onto the mattress and falls on all fours, winces from the belly laugh behind him. 

“ Robby you in pain? “ John crouches down to Robert’s level, pushing him against the wall. When Robert nods shamefully John smiles widely and gives Robert the bottle of whiskey ( he mixes it with drugs, ) and the cigarette of spice. 

“ Now be the little druggy you are and take it. “ John orders, he threads his fingers in Robert’s long hair before going out of the room. 

Robert sighs in relief, hates how John touches him and he can’t do anything about it.

‘ There’s no point in escaping, no one will want me anyway, ‘ he think to himself. 

Robert shakily takes the bottle and gulps down the brown liquid and starts on the cigarette, the whole of his body deflates - relaxing from the fix. He was never a fan of drugs, didn’t understand how people could poison themselves with drugs. He understands it now, when you take that first puff off a cigarette you relax, everything fading away like it’s on reverse. How the pain dies away and the drugs heal you, and it makes him slip away from staying here. 

“ I ‘ate yoou. “ Robert slurred seeing two Johns walk back into the room. 

“ Why would you hate me Robby? “ he asked innocently, stroking Robert’s cheek and laughed when Robert attempted to push him away. 

“ ‘cos you’ve ‘ade me into thiis. “ he slurred pointing at John but instead he didn’t even lift his arm up, feeling everything is heavy. 

He laughed. “ Made you into what? A druggy? Or a whore? “ he quizzed. 

Robert frowned little, his head leaning on the wall looking as if he’s about to collapse. It took him little longer to comprehend what John said. “ M’not whore.” He whispered nearly asleep. 

“ Yes you are Robby, “ he smiled softly. “ but that’s okay, you can be my little slut for me. “ he smiled widely. 

“ M’I’m... not your.. s-slut. “ 

“ just rest Robby, love you. “ he whispered into the man’s ear stroking the man’s blonde locks. He smiled at the unconscious body beneath him. 

“ Such a pretty face and beautiful body. “ He said out loud to himself smirking. 

::::::::::::::::::::

Later in the day, after his breakdown this morning and after another day of no news about his Husband he heads to the Woolpack. He just wants to drink alone, the Mill too quite and brings unwanted memories. 

He just wants to be left alone. 

“ Aaron any news? “ Victoria asked walking up to him, her face full of desperation. 

He sighed and shook his head slowly. “ no, nothing. “ 

Her face fell she wiped away few tears. “ i feel so helpless. “ Victoria cried softly sitting opposite him. 

He shook his head and took a deep breath before talking again. “ been all around Leeds and Hotten today, asking people and posting posters about, but I just feel it isn’t enough. “ Aaron wiped his eyes as he took a gulp of his beer. 

“ You are doing enough! “ Victoria raised her voice. 

“ I feel so sorry for Aaron, “ Aaron raised his head hearing Brenda talk to Eric. “ Being cheated on again. “ she huffed not noticing Aaron marching towards her angry. “ And now he’s gone off with some poor woman or bloke. “ she laughed. 

“ Keep your opinions to yourself you - “ 

“ So it’s true then? Because you haven’t exactly denied it. “ Brenda quizzed tilting her head like she’s mocking him. 

“ Come on Aaron, Robert’s a cheater and will always be one. And now he’s probably found another victim of his to wreck. “ Eric laughed. “ He’s poisonous, I bet your glad he’s gone off to good knows where. “ 

“ Shut up I’m warning you. “ Aaron threatened darkly shrugging off his mums arm off him. 

“ Aaron go home love. “ Chas said gently slightly on edge in the background. 

“ What? I’m only saying the truth! “ Eric said defensively as Brenda nodded her head in agreement. 

“ You want to know what’s happened? Do you really? “ Aaron questioned adrenaline pumping through his veins, he’s going regret this after. 

“ Don’t do this Aaron. “ Victoria begged teary eyed. 

“ Why? People are gossiping about my husband! “ Aaron shouted at his sister in law. He turned to the two elderly people. “ He’s been kidnapped! He’s been missing for a week and nobody knows where he is! “ He shouted ignoring his cracked voice, ignoring the horrified faces of the punters in the pub. The whole pub gone silent watching Aaron cry and shout at Brenda and Eric. “So no Brenda he’s not cheating he’s being held captive somewhere! “ he screamed. 

“ I-I’m Sorry. “ she stammered feeling incredibly guilty. 

“ Yeh you fucking should be! Keep your fucking nose out of my business! “ He carried on, stepped back and looked around the room seeing all the eyes on him, too angry to apologise. “ Anyone else want to ask any questions? “ he raised his voice and when he got no response he ran out of the pub all the way home ignoring the calls. 

Aaron went straight to bed ignoring his sisters calls after him. He burst into tears feeling dreadful that he lost it in there, he should’ve just ignored them and gone home. Instead he told the whole village his husband is missing and he’s going to get countless pity looks. He sniffs wiping away more tears sliding down, ignoring the wetness on his pillow. He wraps the duvet around himself more and goes to sleep, feeling closer to Robert but the ache turns bigger because he’s not here. 

He’s alone. 

:::::::::::: 

John had Robert leaning against him on the floor as he threaded his fingers through the blonde locks smiling. “ it was funny you know? Watching you freak out after you saw me. “ he blurted out. “ running to Aaron and always looking over your shoulder to see if anything was there. It was rather pathetic don’t you think? “ 

“ ... hmm.. “ Robert nodded quietly feeling terrible, feeling trapped. 

“ And then telling the police? What were they going to do about it Robby? Tell the evil man to leave you alone? “ John mocked whilst smirking. 

“ I’m sorry... “ Robert whispered not wanting to anger him. 

“ I know you are Robby, it’s okay I forgive you. “ he kissed the top of Robert’s head. “ It’s getting boring here isn’t it? “ 

Robert’s eyes light up as he felt his heart thump rapidly in his chest he was shocked that John didn’t hear it. Maybe Johns finally letting him go? 

“ W-where i’m I g-going to go? “He asked hesitant.

John broke out into a smile.   
“ We’re going get out of the county, I was thinking Mexico? “ 

“ No. “ Robert pushed out. 

“ no? Why Robby? “ John commented darkly. 

Shit. “ b-because I ‘aven’t got my p-passport. “ 

‘ I can’t leave, i’m never going see my sisters or husband again! ‘ He thought to himself. 

John looked like he was thinking. “ True, I’ll get it. “ 

“ h-how? My hus - Aaron be there. “ he recovered quick hoping he won’t notice and he didn’t. Thank god. 

“ I’ll sort it Robby, don’t you worry. “ he whispered gently, kissing him on the lips gripping Robert’s jaw when he made an attempt to move. 

“ I don’t want to go! “ 

“ Why wouldn’t want to go? “ John replied back darkly. 

“ B-because I have my family here! I can’t leave them! “ He cried. 

“ But they don’t care about you.” 

“ Y-Yes they do. “ 

“ Then why haven’t they rang the police? “ John tilted his head to the side and smirked. 

“ T-they would’ve - “ 

“ really? “ John said in a fake amazed voice. “ then why are they all having an amazing time without you? “ John laughed. “ i heard Aaron say he’s glad your gone he can stop pretending now. “ 

Robert’s eyes widen. “ No! Your lying! “ 

“ why would I lie? “ 

“ B-because- because, “ his voice isn’t working, his mind totally blank, what’s wrong with his ability to speak? 

Johns face softened. “ You can’t find a reason can you? Because you know it’s true. That’s okay, you must’ve known he wouldn’t stay with you. Nobody wants you around only me, you’re a disappointment, disgusting pig. What would Sarah say ay? “ John shakes his head in pity. 

Robert looks up tears in his eyes what John said only now registering. “ Don’t speak about Sarah. “ he said in a fake confident voice. 

“ why? It’s true. All the things you’ve done she’ll be embarrassed of ya, Jack and Pat as well. “ he leaned forward enjoying Robert flinch. “ jack already sussed you out though didn’t he? Found out you were a disappointment and wanted nothing to do with ya. That’s why you deserved that beating off him. “ he spoke through gritted teeth watching the tears fall down Robert’s face. “ Sarah would think what happened to that sweet boy she knew, what happened robby? What happened to that sweet boy? “ he poked Robert’s chest jolting him against the wall a soft cry escaping. “ He turned into a poisonous man, who killed Katie. “ he mentioned and laughed seeing the shock on Robert. 

“ h-how do you know? “ He whispered scared. 

“ I know everything, been stalking everything and seeing what you have been doing. I knew you were going to that Hotel. “ John smirked seeing the confusion on Robert’s face. “ Don’t remember? Of course you don’t, not with the endless drugs and alcohol you’ve been having. “ John laughed again and stroked Robert’s cheek feeling the tears and wetness on his finger. “ Meeting a client at 13:00 in the pub stayed there for an extra 10 minutes till he came, meeting took one hour and you headed towards the bar for a pint. “ he recounted the day like it was yesterday every detail correct and it made Robert terrified that he was being watched and he didn’t even know. “ You were wearing that tight and crisp white shirt with the black button up, with those tight jeans that leaves nothing to the imagination. “ he smirks. “ I stroll up pretending I haven’t been stalking you for years and then I pounce on ya.” 

“ Your sick. “ 

Josh leaned in smirking. “ So are you. “ he breathed out making sure Robert will feel his joy breath on his face. 

Robert swallowed deeply calming his nerves but it’s hard when he’s going dizzy and having confusion with what Johns saying like he’s having a delayed reaction to everything. 

“ h-how I’m I s-sick? “ he slurred a bit and stuttered. 

“ Drugging Lawrence, pretending to sleep with him, causing Chrissie, Rebecca, Lachlan, Seb and Lawrence to die. 5 deaths because of you, doesn’t that not keep you up at night? “ he asked faked concerned liking how he’s getting inside Robert’s head. 

“ T-that wasn’t m-my ful - “ he tried but the voices and Johns words invading his head. 

“ if you didn’t take Seb they wouldn’t be following you, if they weren’t speeding they wouldn’t have crashed. Would they? “ He pushed harder, till Robert shook his head slowly tears dripping onto his lap. “ 5 deaths - no wait Katie as well! 6 deaths on your conscious! Bloody hell Robby you sure your not a serial killer? “ he jokes darkly. 

“ M’im not a murderer. “ Robert cried. 

“ Okay your not but it shows we’re the same. “ John smiled. “ both fucked up, we belong together. “ he laughed hysterically. “ Jack Sugden’s son a murderer no wonder he proffered Andy over you, actually everyone picks everything over you. Do you want to know why? “ The question lingers for what feels like years in reality seconds.   
“ they know your not worth it, you are scum, always acting like you are the best of the best when your not, you are just an poisonous bastard like me. That’s why we’re together. “ he says thinking it’s true, acting like this is totally normal. He locks his fingers with Robert’s tightens his grip when the blonde man tries to pull away. 

“ I-I’m nothing like you! I don’t fucking need you! “ Robert shouts pushing the man away making him fall backwards onto the floor. He has a flashback to Katie falling through the roof of Waily’s farm. 

‘ Your not going anywhere, ‘ 

Robert’s eyes widen as he scrambles to the floor looking terrified. He saw Katie fall and heard his voice, he saw Katie fall not John. 

“ Poor Robby lost his temper? “ John mocks kicking Robert’s leg hard. “ You do need me because your dependent on drugs and Alcohol! “ John screams at him, kicking Robert’s leg repeatedly. 

“ I’m s-sorry! “ Robert screams out in pain. 

John suddenly stops mid kick.   
“ Let’s see then shall we? “ he says heavily. 

“ See What? “ Robert asks quietly, confused, scared. 

“ If you don’t need me - you don’t need the drugs and alcohol do you? “ Said John tilting his head to the side, narrowing his eyes at the man on the floor. John watching Robert’s face crumble as his eyes widen. 

“ No - no I n-need them. “ Robert pleads ashamed. 

 

John smirks teasing him. “ But you said you don’t need them? “ 

Robert shakes his head frantically. “ I-I was wrong! “ 

“ I’ll see you in few days. “ John smirks seeing the pour horror on Robert’s face. John walks out ignoring the calls of desperation and leaves in his car. 

Robert was crying freely hating how he is so dependent on the drugs and alcohol Johns been giving him. How is he going to cope? He can’t go without few hours with them! He needs them, needs to numb the pain, needs to ignore everything and fall asleep! 

Robert scratches his arm frantically ignoring the blood coming to the surface. He looks around frantically as he sweats, heart beating faster and faster it might actually fall out. He stumbles up and yanks the chain it doesn’t give. This anguish comes out of nowhere and he starts violently kicking the wooden wall. 

“ I hate you. Die. Fucking twat. “ he screams out words ignoring the pain radiating from his foot, ignoring the dent in the wood, only seeing red. 

‘ Robert calm down. ‘ Sarah? 

Robert turns around, too quick, head feeling light seeing black dots invade his vision, he sees Sarah standing in the door frame looking sad. 

‘ Robert What happened? ‘ She asked softly so so sad. 

Robert’s crying - panicking feeling like he’s losing his mind. “ y-your not here! “ he screams. “ your dead! “ he moves further away when Sarah walks towards him smiling. “ G-Get Away from me! “ he screams, shouts, cries, holds his hands against his ears. 

‘ I’m here to help you Robby. ‘ She answers softly. 

“ N-no! Y-your not real! I’m going mad! I-I’m actually l-losing - losing! No! No! W-hat is - what is it - is it called?! “ Robert speaks louder and quietly mumbling to himself, sliding down against the wall knees brought up to his chest, still having his hands tight against his ears as he cries. 

‘ Oh Robert, it’s called your mind honey. ‘ She tells him softly, sad eyes full of pity. 

“ Mum your not here! “ He cries out. 

‘ I am I never left. ‘ 

He cries out in distress.   
“ i- I’m sorry. “ 

‘ It’s okay. ‘ 

“ I-i missed - miss - you so so much! “ He cries, voice raw hurts to speak and swallow. 

‘ I miss you too, ‘ she whispers as her image starts to fade. 

“ NO MUM DON’T LEAVE! “ Robert screams trying run towards her but the chain stopping him. 

‘ I’m not really here, ‘ She whispers with a small smile. 

“ Mum - Mum don’t - don’t leave! I don’t want be alone! “ He screams as he falls to the floor seeing his mum go, doesn’t know if she was really here or not. 

He wants his mum. 

::::::::::: 

The next morning he wakes up slowly, eyes red and puffy still. He sighs, gets up to get changed and heads downstairs. He sees his sister at the table eating toast on her phone, she looks up and sees his face and her own falls. He forces a smile but it feels weak, feels too tight just wants to hide away. 

“ Aaron? “ She calls quietly, hesitant like a small puppy, vulnerable. 

“ Yeh? “ he replies, strange to his own ears how his voice doesn’t sound his own. 

“ I had a dream last night, about Robert taking us to Wales. “ she smiles weakly. “ how he fell into the sea and we laughed at him, he was soaked through. “ she smirked. 

Aaron mirrored her smile and sat down with his coffee in hand. “ Bet he wasn’t happy about that. “ he says trying to be light but he can’t. He feels awful.

“ No he wasn’t, he had this grumpy face on him the rest of the day. “ she laughed but even that felt strange, everything feels weird, so so quite without Robert. “ He’s not going to be the same is he? “ she asked upset. 

Aaron shook his head sadly, tears welling up in his eyes as he blows out a breath. “ No.” He clears his throat the fully formed lump hard to talk. “ I don’t know how- “ 

“ Messed up he be? “ she finished looking at her brother with sadness. “ i just want him back! “ she cries suddenly, heart broken cries filling up the Mill. “ Where has he taken Robert!? “ she cries louder the question hanging in the air, She hugs Aaron tighter when he flies to her. He probs his head on hers as he whispers calm, soothing words to her. 

“ I want him back as well. “ He whispers. 

:::::::::::: 

“ Aaron? Yesterday- “ Victoria starts then gets interrupted by Aaron in David’s shop. 

“ Yeh I know, I’m sorry alright?! I lost my temper. “ he pushes out, getting the milk from the fridge. 

“ I know you were angry but you shouldn’t have told everyone - “ 

“ Vic! I know okay! I’m sorry, but why should I be the one apologising? Why aren’t they apologising to me? Talking about my husband?! “ he spits out becoming angry again, they talk about his husband but he is the one that has to apologise? 

She sighs. “ I’m sorry Alright! I don’t want us getting into fights we need to stick together. “ she said gently to him feeling awkward when he nodded his head and didn’t say anything else. 

“ You going into work today? “ She asked curiously. 

“ Yeh, might as well get my mind off stuff for while. “ he replies heavily it’s one of those days when he wishes his best mate was here. 

She nods her head understanding. “ Right okay, I need to go so call - “ 

“ Call you if there isn’t any news got it. “ He finishes, feels bad for his attitude but honestly doesn’t have the energy to care. He walks over to the counter puts the basket onto there, doesn’t notice David talking to him. 

“ Must be terrible you know? Having a loved one go missing.” David carries on speaking as he puts the items into the bag. “ I couldn’t survive if my Tracy or Jacob went missing you know? “ he puts the last item into the bag not noticing Aaron’s face changed. 

“ keep the change. “ Aaron grumbles walks out of the shop making sure the door slams behind him. 

“ Bit insensitive don’t you think David? “ Tracy comments watching the scene unfold in front of her. He looks back at her guilty and gets back to work. 

As Aaron is walking towards the Mill after David’s rambling on which drove Aaron over the edge, Diane calls him, he sighs just wants to go to bed wearing Robert’s clothes, but he can’t work still needs to carry on unfortunately when your life is falling apart. 

“ Any news on Robert pet? “ She asks gently. 

“ No, the police saying the same things and me going around Hotten- Leeds asking people or isn’t getting me anywhere. Liv’s been updating me about putting posters on social media, nothing on there either. “ 

“ at least your trying pet. “ she said gently, as Aaron hums. “ Do you think Robert is actually missing? “ she asks hesitantly. 

“ You What? “ he growls darkly. 

“ Robert is known for his cheating, don’t you think he’s just gone off? Met someone else - “ 

“ are you having a laugh? Robert isn’t having an affair! He wouldn’t do that to me! - “ 

“ he did it go Chrissie though didn’t he pet? I’m only saying - “ 

“ How can you say that about your supposed step son?! Such a low opinion on him! No wonder he felt left out and didn’t feel included around you! “ 

“ He was always included Aaron- “ she fired back angry. 

“ No he wasn’t! You always made comments about him! Always made him feel so helpless and terrible because of you! And how dare you think my husband is off somewhere when he is being held captive by the evil man keeping him there! “ 

She looked guilty as she glanced down and tried to look innocent. “ I’m sorry pet, I was only asking about him. “ 

“ You don’t even care about my Robert. “ he said and walked off to the Mill leaving Diane standing at the end of the driveway. 

He walked into the Mill in a huff, angry and fed up, slamming the doors as he walked into the kitchen putting the food away.   
Liv walked down the spiral staircase and frowned seeing her brothers angry body language. 

“ What’s wrong? Has something happened? “ She asked scared. 

“ Just Diane commenting about Robert saying is he actually missing or off somewhere else keeping a bed warm. “ he huffed, his voice bitter. 

“ She said that? She honestly thinks Robert is having an affair! Why would she think that! “ Liv blurted out angry. 

He looked at her. “ Because she has a low opinion on Robert. “ he spit out mixed with sadness and anger still. 

Liv shook her head. “ She’s horrible- “ 

Aaron’s phone rang and he pulled it out, seeing it was the police. His heart started thumping out of his chest hope and fear mixed together, his stomach dropping as he froze on spot. 

“ Who is it? “ Liv asked fearing for the answer seeing her brothers reaction. 

“ It’s - it’s the police. “ he said slowly. 

“ Answer it then! “ She raised her voice causing Aaron to jump of his thoughts and he answered. 

“ Hello? “ 

“ We’ve found a body, we need you to identify it. “ The police officer was heard. 

If Aaron’s heart was racing fast it certainly wasn’t now. “ Right okay I-I’ll be there in 20 minutes.” He pushed out, collapsing against the cupboards his chest tightening. 

“ Aaron! Aaron what’s wrong?! “ Liv shouted her own heart racing, she ran towards Aaron trying calm him down. 

“ They- t-they’ve found... a b-body... a-and they asked.... me to identify... it....” He pushed out through harsh breaths trying to catch the rhythm of his breathing again. 

“ It probably won’t be him? “ She tried, feeling this is out of her depth. 

Aaron’s breathing went back to normal but only slightly as he cried. “ I don’t want to go! I don’t want to see my husband dead! I don’t want to see the final image of his lifeless face, I want to remember his smile, bright eyes not expressionless. “ Aaron cried hugging his knees. 

“ What If I came with you? “ She asked wiping away her own tears. 

Aaron sighed as he cleared his throat and standing up. He shook his head. “ No. I’ll go, I can’t let you get distressed if it is him. I’ll call you straight away when I know okay? “ he suggested when Liv looked like she was about to argue, she reluctantly nodded her head. 

“ Okay. Call me though - “ she didn’t carry on not knowing what else to say. Aaron nodded and hug her one last time and got his keys, texting his mum to go to the Mill look after Liv. 

He sat in his car and took a deep breath, calming his nerves as he started the engine one thing going through his mind. 

I’m dreading this.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Robert gives up on all hope now since Johns left him, he has lost hope of being found and being loved ever again. However, Johns planning on leaving the country and needs to fetch Robert’s passport. 
> 
> Will it be successful? Or will something- someone - stop him in his tracks?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I’ve left this long.

It had only been 1 day without the alcohol and drugs but for Robert it was like weeks without the poisonous substances. He lay against the cold wall in a hot sweat, one of many he has already had, body shaking and feeling terribly cold. He felt like he wasn’t in the room, the sensation felt like he was spiralling into a circle of darkness. He kept seeing his mum, Jack, Aaron, John and Victoria all the time, talking to him, screaming at him or just plain dead standing there staring at him.   
He felt so lonely, so isolated from the world, through his red-rimmed eyes everything had lost its colour. He saw everything so dull, colourless no longer bright, full of life. There isn’t any point in surviving anymore, no point in waking up, nobody wants me here anyway because I’m poisonous man who deserves that treatment, his thoughts spin around his head again. 

Robert stares aimlessly into nothing, needing the drugs and alcohol still, the need becoming unbearable to the point where he wants to scream and thrash and cry. He hears his husband talking again doesn’t know if he is really here or not. 

‘ Robert I need you so much please don’t give up. ‘ Aaron speaks beside Robert smiling softly. Robert takes his husband in, he looks the exactly the same maybe he is really here? 

“ don’t leave me. “ Robert tells him quietly nearly on the edge of crying again, he reaches out and touches Aaron’s hand - surprised when Aaron interwinds their hands together. 

‘ I won’t leave, I will always be here with you. ‘ Aaron tells him sadly yet soft. 

I will always be here with you. 

Robert frowns the faded memory of John saying the exact sentence, how he told Robert that with the same soft voice as Aaron used. 

Everything is jumbled up, Robert can’t make out what’s real or not. He hears Aaron’s voice with him all the time or just sees him standing there with the saddest smile on his face. The figure seems so real, Aaron looks like Aaron, it’s like he’s actually here keeping Robert safe. Robert hasn’t been kept safe, protected, he’s been hurt and turned into this mess of a man who just wants to give up. 

Robert cries against the mattress hating how he hurts all over, hates how he reopens the cuts and blisters on his skin because he needs a release. He wants Aaron, Liv his family - but they don’t need a poisonous man like him do they? 

Robert tucks his arm under his head and tries to fall asleep, he goes into this weird episode where he can see himself, see everyone living. 

‘ Robert can see Victoria in her house, with Diane next to her, both crying silently as his sister talks. 

Robert was such a good brother wasn’t he? It’s a shame he turned out to be a evil man, but that’s why I’ve got Andy. ‘ 

No! Vic I’m not evil! I’m still your brother! 

Robert screams at the two women, they can’t hear him, can’t see him. 

Robert cries more. 

Suddenly, he’s at a graveyard, at his gravestone with Aaron standing over the grass wiping his eyes crying. 

Why did you have to die? Aaron cries louder. 

Aaron I’m not dead! I’m right here! I’m alive! 

We were meant to stay till we were eighty odd, but you left me all on my own. Aaron sobs louder, crouched down to gently run his fingers over the writing on the headstone. 

You’re not on your own Aaron! I’m here please just look! Robert shouts, cries, breaks staring at his husband break at the headstone. 

I wished I never loved you. Aaron tells him, it sounds so sinecure, so truthful like he actually believes this.

Robert breaks down, he cries hearing his words. You don’t mean that! ‘ 

As Robert lies there on the hard mattress, still alone and no one trying to find him, he slowly realised that it’s true what Johns been saying. Robert is a disappointment, worthless piece of shit, nobody loves him, nobody remotely cares about him. Maybe, Johns the only one that does care about him? But the other side of Robert’s head screams out at him through his haze, he’s wrong, what John is doing to him is unthinkable, psychopathic. 

 

:::::::::::::

Robert thrashes his legs and arms about in his sleep. He sees everyone screaming at him, so many faces, so many voices so much hatred. 

All he sees is Aaron. 

“ AARON! COME - HELP - ME “ He screams in his sleep, tears roll down his face. 

Everything goes quite. 

John removes his hand away from Robert’s mouth.   
:::::::::::::: 

“ Hello Mr Dingle, there’s a body who has the similar features of Robert. “ The police officer told Aaron. “ You can leave, we won’t force you to look at the man, however, we would advise you too. “ 

Aaron nodded his head slowly, his nerves taking over he’s unable to say a word. 

How can he when he might be seeing his dead husband? 

The Male police officer nodded politely, they walked into the room where the window was go show the covered up body. 

“ Are you ready? “ He asked Aaron, when the policeman got his confirmation he nodded towards the woman in the room. She gently uncovered the man’s face, Aaron was relieved when it wasn’t his husband. 

“ No it isn’t him. “ Aaron told him heavily. He hated himself when he did wish it was Robert, because at least he knew Robert was dead instead Robert’s somewhere and Aaron doesn’t even know if Robert’s alive or dead. 

Then suddenly he felt this burning, churning anger inside him. “ Where can I see PC Williams? “ He asked hostilely, breathing deeply trying to calm himself but he just couldn’t. 

“ He’s bus-“ 

“ No. I want to speak to him now. “ Aaron put his foot down, they always saying ‘ oh he’s busy, ‘ or ‘ You can’t speak to him right now, ‘ and Aaron is sick of it! 

The police officer took Aaron into a more private room and he waited for 10 minutes till the man he wants to see came in looking curious. 

“ Mr Dingle apparently you wanted to see me quite urgently.” PC Williams mentioned, he sat down opposite Aaron. “ What do you want to speak to me about? “ 

“ Why aren’t you doing your job correctly? “ Aaron asked bluntly. 

PC Williams looked taken back, offended even. “ Mr - “ 

“ My husband has been missing for 2 weeks! 2! And I haven’t got anything off you! You have just left it! You have forgotten about my husband! “ Aaron raised his voice not caring if he’s not being rational. Not caring that he’s shouting at a policeman at this stage, too emotionally tired to care. 

PC Williams face shifts as he places his hands on the table as he intertwines his fingers together. “ Mr Dingle - “ 

“ Just call me Aaron will ya! “ Aaron huffed. 

He takes a deep breath.   
“ Aaron, we are doing everything we can in our power to find your husband, okay? We haven’t forgotten about him, but you must understand that this is extremely hard for us as well. We cannot find any trace of them, John has not been seen anywhere. “ His voice softened a tad but sounded very firm, like he is used to having distressed family members having a go when really they are very frustrated. 

And then the guilt kicks in, he feels tears beginning to well up in his eyes. “ I’m sorry. “ He breaths out. “ it’s just - I feel so helpless and I don’t know what to do anymore. “ he speaks to PC Williams with a exhausted tone. 

“ It’s Okay Aaron, I see you are very stressed as anyone would be with a missing loved one. Have you thought of speaking to a counsellor? “ he suggest. 

“ No, why? “ Aaron grumbles frowning at the grey haired man. 

“ It might help you, get things off your chest. Have you got anyone to talk to? “ 

“ Yeh but - I don’t want to talk about myself when my husband is missing. He’s my main priority.” 

“ I understand that but wouldn’t he hate it if he found out you weren’t looking after yourself? “ he takes a deep breath, risking it and goes in to tell Aaron.   
“ Aaron, if we find Robert he may be different with the circumstances. We do not know what’s happening to him, and you need to be mentally capable and strong enough to heal with Robert. I highly advise you to speak to someone, you need to get things off your chest because you can’t worry over someone else when your emotionally and mentally exhausted. “ 

“ But I would be - “ 

“ I understand that, but I’ve seen families where they are that exhausted they end up in hospital themselves because they aren’t looking after themselves. “ 

Aaron nods slowly, he bites his bottom lip and plays with his wedding ring as comfort, to ground him. He clears his throat “ thanks. “ he tells him feeling bit awkward. 

The policemen smiles gently.   
“ It’s okay Aaron. I’m not just a strict policeman. I have my own family and I would be in the exact position as you if any of them went missing. “ he tells him gently. 

Aaron smiles weakly before getting up from his chair as the same as PC Williams. “ Sorry for shouting. “ his face apologetic, guilt written slightly. 

“ It is okay, “ he adds. “ but don’t make an habit of it. “ He smirks slightly. 

Aaron says his goodbyes and goes to his car, he takes in a deep breath without him realising. He just wants his husband, but as the days go by the chances of hope go smaller and smaller by each day. 

:::::::::::: 

“ Well? “ Liv asks quietly, her cheeks red, tear strained. 

Aaron shakes his head. “ No it wasn’t him. “ he tells her tiredly, voice lacking any emotion but he doesn’t feel any emotion expect pain, the aching sensation in his chest without his husband. 

“ WHERE IS HE! WHERES ROBERT! “ She shouts, bursts into tears, the emotions taking their turmoil on the young girl. Aaron rushes to her and soothes his little vulnerable sister, he hates seeing her so upset, he wants their Robert back as well. 

“ Shh, shh, it’s going to be okay.” He whispers into her blonde/browny hair. 

“ How? How is it going to be okay?! “ She croaks out shakily. 

Aaron doesn’t know how to respond to that, because, he doesn’t know does he? He barely has the energy to get out of bed in the morning. 

“ Because you have me, and if we don’t ever find Rob - “ his voice cracks, the pain in his chest increases even more.   
“ We have each other, we can’t give up on him okay? I know it feels like we want too, or we are but we cannot give up on our Robert Alright?! “ he tells her firmly with the softest voice he has especially for his sister. 

She nods against his chest.   
“ O-okay. I miss him so so much Aaron. “ She cries again softer. 

“ Me too. “ he whispers. “ What about we watch the wedding videos? Have a laugh at how Robert was a stupid sod ay? “ he grins, forces his voice to sounds cheerful. 

She smiles weakly. “ He was wasn’t he? But he was just so happy, “ 

“ All of us were. “ He smiles. 

“ I’ll get the DVD, “ Liv told her brother as she legged it up the stairs and out of sight. 

Aaron sighed heavily. He was only being strong in front of her. 

Liv came back down and she put the dvd into the television. The video started to play and they saw Robert beaming with delight, he was holding his phone on front camera. Their tv screen was filled with Robert’s happy, cheerful face talking to the camera. 

‘ .... Chas told us we needed to do it traditionally this time. ‘ he chucked, ‘ Bit weird to be honest cos we haven’t done anything traditional in our lives. ‘ Robert confessed into the camera. 

Aaron and Liv smiled lightly, it felt like he was really here with them with his dorky self. 

‘ I can’t believe I’m going to marry Aaron, ‘ he sounded dumbfounded. ‘ We’ve been through thick and thin together and I can’t believe I’m going to marry my soulmate. ‘ he grins cheerily, ‘ and I know that sounds cheesy, I know what you two are thinking when your watching this ‘ he points to the camera, Aaron and Liv actually feel like he’s watching them through the tv screen. ‘ but i love you two so much, I never thought I’ll have a family and then Liv came into our lives and it felt right - all - ‘ 

“ Liv?! “ Aaron shouts after Liv when she legs it upstairs in tears. He pauses the video and finds her in her room crying. 

“ Hey, hey what’s the matter? “ 

“ We’re never going to get him back! “ She cries. “ Even if we do find him he’ll never be the same again! “ she cries harder and louder. Aaron sits on her bed and holds her tight in his arms. 

Please just come back Rob, we need ya. 

::::::::::::: 

“ You’re still alive then I see. “ John appears in front of a ill looking Robert. He is grey, sweating, so weak he can’t even move anymore. He looks at John tiredly, like it’s too much strength to move his head. 

“ H-how longs it been? “ He gasps out weakly. 

He wants Aaron. 

“ 5 days, You honestly think I wouldn’t check on you? I’ve been watching you sleep throughout the night! “ John bursts out laughing at Robert’s face. “ have you taught your lesson Robby? “ John smirks nastily yet he looks so soft, and nice. 

Creepy John. 

Robert breaths deeply, feeling like he is dying. Maybe he is dying? Maybe this is freedom after all? 

He needs the drugs and alcohol to finish the job. 

“ What? “ Robert mumbles. He can’t remember anything but that. Unable to say anything else or disagree with the man. 

John tilts his head to the side, he clicks his jaw and licks his lips. He bends down nearly towering over Robert, he strokes Robert’s dirty, sweaty hair. 

“ You disobeying me Robby. You need to listen to everything I say, you know your nothing without me. “ He whispers to Robert. “ Whatever happens I’ll always be there with you, whatever you do and think, I’ll be there in your head. Got it? “ He tugs at Robert’s hair tighter. 

“ Yes! “ Robert yelps out, knowing how John works now but he slowly believes it because he’s nothing isn’t he? Everyone at the village have at least told him he’s nothing, maybe what Johns saying is actually true? 

John smiles. “ Good boy. “ he gently kisses Robert forehead.   
“ What do you now know? “ 

“ I - I don’t know - “ He whispers, he can barely think straight, the dizziness taking over, he feels sick. 

John tuts loudly. “ You’re nothing without me. You need me all the time don’t you? “ 

“ y-yes. “ he whispers. John’s all he’s got now.

No family to love him. 

No friends that need him. 

No one gives a shit about him. 

He resents John but he’s all Roberts got now. 

Roberts given up all hope of being found. 

“ I missed you so much Robby. “ he pushes Robert onto his front, yanks down Robert’s pants. Robert lies there numb, emotionless, waiting for it, used to it now.

Deserves it 

John takes his own bottoms off as he presses himself into Robert’s arse. He rims against Robert, pushing himself into him. Robert can feel him, hates how his own body is reacting but his body isn’t his now is it? 

It’s Johns. 

“ Ooooh god. You feel so good Robby, your so so tight, just for me. “ John moans, he comes quickly and pulls himself off Robert and leaves him there laying on the mattress, still hard. 

John throws down the cigarette and places the whiskey beside Robert. He looks delighted when Robert stumbles up fast and lights the cigarette and gulps down the brown liquid. 

“ I love you so much Robby, this is why I’m doing this to you. You need to learn how to be a good boy okay? “ John tells him firmly. 

“ Sorry. “ Robert whispers, leans against the wall half conscious, waiting to die. He’s unable to defend himself, physically, psychologically and emotionally exhausted to do anything else. 

“ It’s okay Robby, I forgive you for being a poisonous bastard. “ he smiles. “ I’ll leave you go sleep. “ John tells him and kisses him on the bed and leaves Robert sleeping against the mattress again. 

:::::::::::::: 

The following day Robert is laying on his mattress again. He’s been sick over the floor and Johns cleaned it up, with a kick and a punch thrown in because of Robert’s bad behaviour. 

He welcomes it now. 

“ You’re a naughty boy aren’t you Robby? “ John smirks, fake soft voice. 

“ Ssorry. “ He mumbles half conscious. 

“ We need to go. “ John suddenly announces, its like he saw something and now he’s gone into action. 

“ What? “ Robert uses all his strength he’s got and pushes out the word. 

“ We’ve left it too long now Robby. We need to get out of the country for good! “ John panics but then his face suddenly shifts to beaming.   
“ we can finally be together now Robby. “ 

It scares Robert. 

“ W-where we goin? “ 

“ You do have a short memory don’t you Robby? “ John bends down and speaks to Robert *fake* softly. “ Mexico. “ he says simply. 

“ Mexico? “ Robert slurs. 

“ Yes Robby. “ John says it with annoyance in his voice. “ I need to get your passport. “ 

“ How? “ 

John sighs, he suddenly gets up doesn’t notice Robert’s flinch. “ I go to his house when he’s out. “ he says it like it’s obvious. 

No! He can’t Aaron! And ... what’s her name?! And li - He’s forgotten her name! What if he forgets Aaron? Or even C- 

“ Go to sleep Robby, big day ahead tomorrow. “ John smirks, throws Robert the bottle and cigarette at him. He knows Robert will have it all now, ‘ he’s leaning ‘ John says in his head. 

::::::::::::

John sees Aaron and Liv leave the Mill, he faked an caller stating where they knew Robert was, apparently in ‘ Leeds. ‘ John smirks seeing how naive Aaron is. He sneaks into the house when they leave in the car, he climbed through the broken window. He smirks seeing all the wedding photos of Aaron and Robert. 

He breaks them all. 

He finally gets Robert’s passport when he thinks about getting some clothes for his Robby. He snoops into Robert’s clothes upstairs, he smirks seeing how Aaron has some of Robert’s stuff on the bed. John packs few stuff in a bag. 

::::::::::: 

Aaron dropped Liv off at her college mates house before realising he forgot his phone. He rushed into his car and sped down the roads to Emmerdale. How could he be so stupid? He stopped at driveway but something felt off, strange. 

He felt hope, was Robert back? 

He unlocked the door and stepped inside, calling his husbands name with suspicious yet hopeful tone. 

“ Rob? Robert! “ 

He met eyes with the man he resents. 

John.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Will Aaron get to his husband?

That’s when he drops his keys onto the hard, wooden floor, his breath hitches as he stares at John Smith. 

John turns shockingly, caught in the act as he holds his breath. He stands tall, his eyes glaring at Aaron’s. 

“ Where’s Robert! “ Aaron breaks, his eyes start to tear up, he battles through all his emotions in this very moment of anger and hatred. John belly laughs in front of Aaron, it makes the younger man feel sick with the uncomfortable vibe of the craziness of the black haired man. “ you think this is funny? “ he spits out angrily, he watches how John still looks painfully smug. Aaron’s notes the messy, out of place hair, the too big grey coat hanging from his body frame. 

John looks like he’s lost it. 

“ Now, now Aaron you need to calm down for me. You don’t want to get too upset do ya? “ John says simply, he still has that fucking smug smirk on his face, Aaron just wants to rip it off. 

Aaron walks closer to the man, he’s not scared of him. His whole body vibrating with anguish and venom, when John doesn’t even flinch or look the least bit worried that he’s been caught - it makes Aaron feel tingle with uncertainness.   
“ WHERE IS HE?! “ he yells at John, all red faced and breathing frantically. 

“ Why would I tell you that? “ his voice patronising. “ He doesn’t need you, he only needs me. “ he adds, voice all strong and confident- not at all concerned he’s just been seen I Aaron’s home. 

“ I’m his husband! “ Aaron screams out, he runs and pins John to the wall, his knuckles going white from the death grip on Johns coat. 

“ Oh really? That’s really good Aaron isn’t it? “ John pushes Aaron off him angrily. “ Shame that he’s not your husband now isn’t it? I marked him years ago, he knows he belongs to me. - “ 

“ Your sick! “ Aaron shouts at him his voice full of disbelief. 

“ yeh I might be sick but out of the two of us, whos the sicker one? “ John replies smugly, like he’s actually enjoying this sick game of his. 

“ if - if you’ve touched a hair on his - I’ll - I’ll kill ya! “ 

“ What if I already have? “ John mocks, he sees the fear flash across Aaron’s face. Johns actually enjoying this so much.   
“ Aw you having flashbacks of what daddy did? “ he mocks when he leans closer to Aaron. 

Aaron sees red just red and punches John in the face hard, he punches in again in the stomach. “ I HATE YOU! “ 

John stumbles back up and wipes away the blood on his face. He doesn’t look like he’s remotely hurt or in pain, it was like Aaron’s hard repeated punch was a feather. “ You are pathetic. “ he hisses.   
“ Why would my Robby want something like you? “ 

Aaron flinches from the nickname. He remembers what Robert told him in Wales when Liv accidentally slipped out the name Robby and Robert paled instantly. 

‘ Someone I resent - used to call me that, ‘ 

“ T-the police know its you! They’re - coming for you! “ Aaron yells at the man. 

“ Well done Aaron, “ John claps his hands together, he looks bored. 

That just makes Aaron even angrier than he originally was, is this some sort of sick game of Johns? 

“ WHERES ROBERT?! “ Aaron screams out frustrated, he follows John when he walks around the sofa and keeps walking further and further away from him. “ You fuckin’ bastard - 

John suddenly stops by the 2nd front door, he stares at Aaron with hatred, his eyes cold - emotionless. “ I am sick of shutting him up! He’s always calling for you WHEN HE SHOULD BE CALLING FOR ME” John screams out suddenly, his voice breaking from the high pitched shouting. Aaron stares in shock, unable to do anything but stare. This man, this psycho has kidnapped his husband and he’s obsessed isn’t he? “ I TRY TO MAKE HIM AS MY OWN FOR SO LONG AND HE WOULD SCREAM AND SHOUT - BUT NOW? HE’S MINE! I’VE MADE HIM MINE! “ He looks pleased, that frightens the absolute shit out of Aaron. 

He’s mentally unstable. 

There was one tear falling down Aaron’s cheek. The ache in his chest expanding so much that it feels like he is about to collapse. How could he be doing this to his husband? 

“ W-What you’ve done? “ Aaron asks fearful, scared. 

John smiles smugly. “ You don’t need to know that, you won’t be seeing him any time soon. “ he waves the passport in Aaron’s face like he’s won, Aaron feels deep inside his chest that maybe, maybe John has won? 

His husband has vanished and now he doesn’t know what Johns capable of. 

“ your not going anywhere! “ Aaron screams out instead, ignoring his own doubts and feelings. He charges for John and goes to punch him in the face, when John takes a hard swing and Aaron goes flying into the floor. 

“ I bet I will. “ John tells him smugly, “ I win Aaron, you lose. “ adds, he whispers the painful words to the drowsy Aaron on the floor. 

:::::::::: 

Aaron falls to the floor like a stone falling from a cliff edge, he winces painfully when he feels a trickle of blood running down his face. 

Then he hears tyres moving, skidding off the stones. 

Johns getting away. 

He aches all over, his head swimming, all fuzzy but he needs to get to John, he can’t give up on his husband knowing he’s going to the in the hands of that psychopath forever, somewhere abroad. 

‘ If you love him, you need to find him fast, ‘ he tells himself repeatedly. 

He stumbles up from the floor, locations his keys and bolts out of the door in his dizzy state. He gets into his car heatedly and waits a second he needs to think rational. If John spots him following him, he’ll deliberately lose Aaron and then he’ll be free. 

Aaron can’t cost that massive mistake. 

So instead, Aaron gets out his phone and calls PC Williams.   
“ Yeh hello, it’s me, I’m following John now, it might take me to Rob - Yeh I’ll turn on the tracker.” He ends the call and starts the engine, it roars at him like it’s telling him to act fast. He speeds off the driveway ignoring how he skids and the stones flying in all different directions and angels. 

His main, and only focus is finding Robert. 

And the only thoughts running through his frantic head is. ‘ I’m not too late, I’m going to find him and the police are helping me. ‘ 

He spots Johns car a few miles away from him. He needs to be fast. 

::::::::::::::: 

Robert woke up in a haze, he’s been doing that for the past few days, wishing the drugs and alcohol can just kill him off. He even wants his infected cuts to lead to sepsis. 

He wants to die. He wants out. 

“ I’ve got the passport. “ John comes in waving the passport in Robert’s face, John looks so proud of himself that it makes Robert feel sick. 

“ H-how did you n-not get - “ Robert runs out of energy to carry on his sentence. He slumps back against the wall, his eyes feeling heavy. 

“ Aaron caught me but I managed to knock him down. “ John tells him proudly. He sits on Robert’s lap as he straddles him. John makes sure his chest is directly against Robert’s, as well as his crotch fully against Robert’s front. 

Aaron’s hurt? No, no, no! He can’t be! It’s all his fault! Robert wants - needs his husband! 

“ This is all I’ve ever wanted you know? “ John whispers against Robert’s lips, he tugs his hands down into Robert’s boxers and fiddles with his cock- forcing a moan out of Robert. “ This is all I’ve ever wanted. “ John whispers again as he yanks on Robert’s cock. 

All Robert can do is lay there, and nod, he isn’t his own now, it’s John and will always be Johns body. 

“ Say it! “ John orders as he hisses through gritted teeth. 

“ Y-Yes! “ Robert whimpers. 

He knows he has to pretend, even when he has doubts about John being the only person who actually cares about him. 

He feels so confused, his head so complicated with all his thoughts and emotions. 

“ You and me now. “ he whispers, forcing a smile onto his frail face. Lies. Lies. Lies. 

John smiles he looks like the most happiest man alive, there is a sparkle in his eyes. “ I knew you’ll finally understand we belong together. “ He whispers, he strokes Robert’s cheek ignores how Robert shudders. John forces himself onto Robert, he kisses him on the lips forcing his tongue him. He held Robert in his place when he tried to move away from him. “ I love you. “ John tells him with a soft smile, it looks so genuine yet creepy. 

Robert has tears in his eyes again ready to fall when John takes off his ragged t-shirt and bottoms. He knows what’s about to happen. 

“ Get your sick hands off my husband. “ 

::::::::::::::

John scrambles to his feet leaving Robert partly naked with only his briefs half on. Robert looks relieved, ‘ he’s come to rescue me. ‘ John looks so shocked and panicked. How could he found us? How could he followed me through all the sharp turns and streets? 

“ If - you touch him again I - I’ll kill ya! “ Aaron yells, his whole body tensing. He speeds to John and knocks him to the floor, pinning him with his hands as he punches him repeatedly. 

“ Aaron, Aaron please, leave it.” 

Aaron stops mid swing and looks towards his frightened husband who’s crying silently. He rushes to Robert notices how he flinches but stays where he is. Aaron’s crying as well, before John stands up looking livid. Robert somehow looks more alive with Aaron here, he’s been in this rotten room for 3 weeks and only now he looks more alive. 

“ I - love you, “ Aaron chokes out vulnerable now. He has his arm wrapped around Robert’s very thin waist and stares at John with so much anger. 

John scoffs. “ You honestly don’t believe that do you? “ Robert looks towards John with unsure, like a conflicted puppy. 

“ Don’t mess with his head - “ Aaron tells him desperately sees how Robert looks so unsure of himself that it’s so painful. 

John ignores Aaron like he’s the problem in this ‘ normal ‘ situation. “ Robby, you know I love you, only me. You know how I’ve shown you all those times. “ John has that fake soft voice again, his cold, deathly eyes looking into Robert’s soul. 

“ YOU DON’T LOVE HIM! YOU’RE TRYIN’ BRAINWASH ‘EM. “ Aaron shouts leaning forward slightly, his face looking as hard as steel but his eyes failing because they look so sad and helpless. 

John tilts his head to the side.   
“ I’m not Aaron, Robby knows how much I love him. Don’t ya? “ he points his question towards Robert waiting for him to agree, John glares at Robert waiting for him to speak up. 

“ Stop it! Your brainwashing him! He doesn’t love you - he will never love you! “ Aaron speaks for Robert as his husband is in shock. 

“ Aaron doesn’t love you. “ John told Robert, he lifts his head up slightly remembering that mantra John forced him to say. 

‘ Aaron doesn’t love me, ‘ 

Robert turns to see Aaron’s broken face and he can see the *love right there. “ Y-your wrong A-Aaron does love me. “ He stammers out not knowing who he should say it too. 

“ That’s right Rob, I love you so much - “ Aaron whispers brokenly he wraps his arm tighter around Robert just wanting to protect him. 

“ All this time you’ve been lying?” John sounds outraged.   
“ These past few weeks I’ve been showing you how much I love you and you love me and you’ve been lying? “ He is calm, voice steady and controlled like the calmness before the storm.   
He walks out of the room leaving Aaron and Robert on the mattress. 

“ Oh Rob - god I’ve missed you - oh god your arm - I love you - “ Aaron gasps out not making any sense, not stringing a proper sentence together. Aaron looks so frantic. 

“ You came? “ Robert whispers, he has a faint smile on his face he looks like he’s about to collapse. 

“ of course Rob, I always find you. “ he tells him passionately 

“ you rescued me. “ Robert whispers he’s not really in the room anymore, everything is spinning like a horse ride in a fair. 

“ We - we’re gonna get out okay? “ Aaron tells him softly but his voice is obvious with the panic in there. 

“ well isn’t this touching? “ John comes back into the room, his voice bitter with hatred seeing Aaron hold Robert so closely. 

“ you -you get away from us! “ Aaron shouts.

And John just laughs again like it’s some sort of joke. “ I’ll like to see you try. “ he revels a gun that he hid from behind his back. He smirk smugly when Aaron was petrified and Robert.   
“ move. “ he orders to Aaron, his voice cold and controlled. Yet, his hand shakes as he holds the gun towards the two men. 

“ No. “ Aaron dares to say, it’s like he has the upper hand thinking John won’t really shoot them. 

“ I’m warning you. “ He threatens darkly. 

“ God - Aaron just move! - “ Robert gasps out, he uses all the strength he has and pushes Aaron away. 

Aaron can’t die, he’s too young, he has too much to live for. 

“ Good boy Aaron, finally learning. “ John mocks coldly, he ignores the hard frown on the brunettes face. 

“ J-just let us go okay? “ Robert asks fake confidently. 

“ why? HE HAS WRECKED EVERYTHING! “ He screams at the two men, he’s slowly losing it second by second. 

His black hair messy, out of place, eyes wide from madness and fear. 

“ I HAVEN’T WRECKED ANYTHING! YOU HAVE! YOU -“ 

“ SHUT UP OR IM GONNA MAKE YOU SHUT UP! GOT IT? “ 

“ Please just l-let us go - “ Robert begs, he cries silently. 

“ You want to leave with him? He doesn’t love ya Robby, remember what I told you? “ John smiles softly, he brainwashes Robert like it’s a second language. 

“ Don’t listen to him Robert. “ Aaron begs quietly, his voice breaking. 

So many voices and Robert is left in the middle unable to choose who to believe. 

The blonde man looks at his husband and sees the desperation and his eyes full of love. He knows. “ Y-your wrong. H-he does love me. ” Robert chokes out denial but didn’t John sa- 

“ He slept with another bloke few days after you went missing! “ John screams as he lies, wants the distance between Aaron and Robert further and further away till Robert is all his. 

“ I never he’s lying Rob! “ Aaron cries at the lies. He feels his husband is slowly fading away. 

“ HOW CAN YOU LOVE HIM? “ John shouts outraged, he looks confused. It’s like his plan is failing. “ All those times you’ve said to me you love me, how you moaned when I slept with ya. All that was a lie? “ He sounds twisted with confusion, anguish, fake love. Aaron’s eyes widen in fear it’s true isn’t it? He’s taken advantage of his husband. Robert looks guilty, he hates how he actually feels guilty. Robert’s chest feels like there is a massive weight pressed into his chest and he can’t move or breathe. 

“ I-I’m Sorry. “ Robert mumbles the emotional, mental and physical abuse he’s endured from John finally playing off, John covers a ghost smile seeing the vulnerability from Robert. 

“ don’t you dare apologise, you’ve got nothing to say sorry for! “ Aaron told him firmly, he hates John doing this to his husband. 

He wants to kill him. 

John rolls his eyes and huffs loudly “ I am sick of this. “ he comments. “ all I wanted was to get out of the country with my Robby and you, “ he points the gun towards scared Aaron, “ you have wrecked everything. You deserve to die, you’ve gotten in the way. “ 

“ No! Kill me! I’ve been lyin’ to ya for weeks! I’m the one who couldn’t be enough for ya! “ Robert pleads out, he is terrified of Aaron dying because of him! It’s his fault Aaron’s here, it’s his fault Aaron’s involved in his. 

Aaron cries more, his whole body aching from sitting on the floor. His chest aching with panic, frantic and adrenaline from the possibility of his husband being shot dead front of his very eyes, by the psychopath that’s kept his husband captive for 3 weeks. 

Aaron chokes out. “ No, No don’t listen to him - “ 

“ ENOUGH! “ John screams out suddenly, he looks like a switch in his brain has gone off because he looks like he has lost his own sanity. He grabs Aaron by the hoodie and yanks him across the room, Aaron didn’t have enough reaction time to even fight back by how quick John moved. 

John pulls Robert up by the wrists tightly like a death grip, he doesn’t notice how Robert just falls back to the wall. Robert’s legs not strong enough to enough himself up - even when he is beyond skinny. 

“ Stand back! “ John yells at Aaron when he stumbles up and walks towards them. “ You are not going anywhere! “ 

“ You don’t even have the guts to shoot - “ 

John shoots just inches off Aaron’s head, they hear the bullet hit the window. Robert gasps, flashbacks when he was shot years ago, Aaron flinches and John? He looks beyond calm, the type of calm where you’re that angry and can’t think straight - your whole body goes numb and you no longer have any feeling left. 

“ Do ya - want to tell me again?” John tells a scared Aaron smugly. 

“ P-please John - j-just le-ave us go. “ Robert slurs missing out words. He feels so dizzy, he wants sleep, begging to be taken out of this. Robert rolls into his side and his head flops forward unable to control his body anymore. 

He just wants the drugs and whiskey. 

John leaves Robert leaning against the wall as he gets a bottle from the corner on his side. He opens up and the liquid instantly makes the room smell of - 

Petrol. 

No. No. No. 

John sprays it all over the floor where Aaron is and he jolts back unable to do anything. He just has to watch and scream and shout at John to stop! But Johns not stopping he gets out a lighter and he smiles wide, like - like this is a game. He looks so excited and proud, the lighter reflecting the orange and red colours of the fire showing Johns mad expression, his eyes nearly black. 

“ Poor, poor Aaron, you came to save your dear of a husband, “ John mocks again he leans closer, “ but you couldn’t save him could ya? All well, he’s mine now aren’t ya? “ he strokes Robert’s cheek with one finger. 

“ GET OFF HIM! “ Aaron shouts, his voice breaking showing off how scared he is. 

“ Nope. “ John pops the ‘ p ‘ playfully, like he’s finding all this funny. 

“ Bye, Bye, Aaron. “ John sounds like a child, his voice turning small and creep like he’s talking to an actual child. 

‘ How fucked up? ‘ Aaron thinks, he pushes it away to the back of his head. He needs to keep his focus. 

“ No, no, no Aaron, leave, please, don’t go, go Aaron, too young to - to die. “ Robert mumbles to himself in the background, too out of it to comprehend what’s going on around him. Aaron hears it, he hears Robert’s words and it breaks his heart so much. He can’t do anything, he feels so helpless and pathetic that he can’t save his husband but how can you when there’s petrol on the floor, and this mad man has a gun in his flipping hand? 

“ NO! “ 

The room being illuminated by red and orange fire lighting up everybody’s faces. The flames roaring loudly, black smoke keeps producing making them cough with lack of oxygen. 

“ ROBERT! “ Aaron screams out, his tears falling down his face. 

He’s lost him hasn’t he? 

:::::::::::::::: 

“ It’s just us now isn’t it? “ John smiles softly, he strokes Robert’s cheek ignoring the sweat.

“ mmm, “ Robert makes an noise, too tired to do anything. 

He’s given up. 

“ We need to go Robby. “ John grips Robert’s shoulder and shakes him violently to waken up the man. 

“ ... go... where..? “ 

“ There’s a back door through there, if we’re fast enough we can make it! “ John tells him excitedly, he looks so proud. 

“ W-Why... “ Robert manages to choke out, his head swimming, he can’t think straight. 

John sees the fire getting out of control even more, he punches Robert in the chest to get him out of his haze. 

“ OW! “ Robert screams out from the punch, his body only skin and bones that even the slightest bump will be painful. 

“ ROBERT? ARE YOU OKAY? “ he hears Aaron shout but he just doesn’t have a enough energy to do anything. 

“ Come on! “ John tells him through gritted teeth. He yanks Robert through the fire ignoring how Robert’s arm got caught in the flame and how he screamed out in agony. He ignored the loud sirens coming closer and closer to them. 

::::::::::: 

“ He- he’s set fire to the place! “ Aaron cries hysterically to the police, he can’t breathe, his whole throat closing in on him. 

“ Do you know if they are still alive? “ The Male police officer asks frantically and firmly, needing to know every single detail. 

“ I-I don’t know! R-Robert, my h-husband, he - I heard him s-screaming. “ Aaron gasps out he can’t breathe, he’s on the verge of a panic attack and lack of oxygen mixed together. 

The officer nods his head, he looks like he knows this man isn’t going to survive in this.   
The firefighters run into the wooden cabin and try to stop the fire, as Aaron and the rest of the paramedics and police hear shouting from the back of the cabin. 

“ ROBBY! WAKE UP! “ John screams at the man, he looks petrified when he sees the police running towards him. He gets his gun and points it at them, they all stop in their tracks. “ STAND BACK! “ 

The main police man holds his breath, trying to keep control of this risky situation. “ John just calm down for us okay? “ He tells him gently and calmly. 

John frantically shakes his head. “ No, no you - your gonna take him away from me! “ he cries. 

Aaron watches on seeing his husband laying on the ground, he sees the burn on his arm and the mounds of other little cuts and scares. He sees how skinny he is, his blonde hair is longer like during the affair. Aaron sees that Robert’s blonde looks more like brown because of the dirt, he also has a very faint blonde beard around his jaw, mouth and below the nose. 

This isn’t his husband. 

Robert looks unrecognisable. 

Aaron bites his bottom lip, he just wants to run to his husband and tell him everything is going to be * fine. * 

“ John just step away from Robert okay? “ Another officer steps in, everyone tense, getting ready for whatever comes next. 

“ No, no, I need him - you can’t -“ 

“ Let us see Robert and then you can go back to him okay? “ The female officer orders him gently, she moves slowly towards Robert as another Paramedic comes alone too. Suddenly, a police officer is behind John and arresting him as he shouts, and kicks about. He is being walked into the police car. 

Aaron’s tears fall onto Robert’s ashy face. He looks terrible.  
“ Rob? Rob - Can you hear me?” 

Robert shifts and he opens his eyes slowly, he has the most weakest smiles on his face when he sees his husband there. 

“ You’re going to be okay Rob. “ Aaron tells him again, he could cry when Robert squeezes his hand back faintly.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Doctor tells Aaron what injuries Robert has. Robert is vulnerable, confused and scared. Aaron tries to be strong for his husband.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I took so long for posting this chapter, for those who are reading this. I do appreciate it all.

Aaron was sat shaking on the hospital seats. The foil coat discarded next to him as he starred into the floor. How can this be happening? Robert, his husband being held captive for 3 weeks and then when he’s finally found he gets trapped in a fire. He can’t get the images out of his head. The way Robert looked petrified of John, and the fire. He also looked like he’d given up and John was the only person he needs. He will always remember those screams of his husband. He shudders just from the flashback, remembers the burning heat, remembers the gun, John laughing, being ripped apart from Robert again at the hospital. 

Aaron suddenly stood up, ignoring the foil coat falling to the floor. He walks towards the double doors, Robert is through there, he needs his husband.. Aaron feels a hand on him. He jumps seeing the gentle hand still on his arm it’s Robert’s nurse. 

The nurse has blonde hair, green/blue eyes and set of freckles. Another stab to the heart. 

“ I need Rob - Robert - need to see if he’s okay - “ He rambles out nearly whimpering. His eyes red rimmed and watery. 

She smiled softly, pity covering her face. Like she is looking after a frightened deer. “ He’s in surgery love. The surgeons are fixing his leg and arm remember? “ 

Aaron just starred at her like she had seven heads. He nodded slowly, he does remember, remembers 3 different nurses telling him this. Yet, he can’t understand it. How can they not understand he needs Robert? 

“ He - he hates fire. “ he mumbles randomly sounding hollow. 

The blonde haired nurse gently guides the shaken up Aaron back to the chairs again. “ I know love, - “ 

“ is he going to die?! “ Aaron interrupted her. He looks frantic with his leg bouncing up and down with his eyes wide. 

How would he cope if he died? He has just gotten Robert back, he can’t die. He can’t! 

“ No, “ The Nurse tells him softly. “ Do you have anyone to call? Maybe your mum? “ she trailed off seeing Aaron freeze for a second. 

Aaron nodded numbly, slowly getting his iPhone out and getting to his contacts with his shaking hands. It was bit was a struggle. 

The Nurse left to let Aaron have some privacy, keeping an eye on him. On the second call Roberts sister finally answered. “ V-Vic - “ he trailed off, what is he supposed to say? His mind has just gone blank. The events only now hitting him and he’s lost the ability to form words. 

“ What? What’s the matter Aaron? “ he could hear her worried voice through the phone. He was still trying to speak. The words stuck on his throat. . “ Is it Robert? “ she asked fearfully like she just knew, her gut instinct. 

He lets out an broken sob.   
“ Ye-Yeh. “ 

“ Where are you? “ Victoria asked him scared, you can hear the panic in her voice. 

“ Hotten Hospital. “ he pushes out, he feels like he’s in a daze. He doesn’t remember ending the call, doesn’t remember putting his phone back into his pocket. His mind fully filled up with his husbands screams, shouts. 

Aaron can still remember what Robert looked like in that old house, in the middle of the woods. Robert was painfully skinny, his hair messy and longer curling at the ends of his ears with dirt covered with the blonde. Aaron could cry when he saw the different shaped cuts, multi coloured bruises, scars, small or big burns on his skin. Aaron remembers how Robert’s skin was funny, it was like it was discoloured. 

“ Aaron! “ he looks up slowly.   
“ What happened?! How did it happen? Where is Robert?! “ Victoria fires questions at him, eyes wide full of fear.. 

“ John set fire to the place with them both in it. “ He tells her quietly. “ Robs leg got caught in the fire. “ 

“ he - he did what?! “ she lets out astonished. 

“ Robert was screaming in agony. “ Aaron tells her quietly again, like he is on autopilot. Aaron’s face red and puffy. 

“ Is - is he okay? “ Victoria asks dumbly unable to say anything more. 

“ They’re fixing his leg. “ 

“ Oh my - Aaron are you okay!?” Chas rushes to her son, wrapping her arms around him. 

“ It’s Robert who you should be worried about. “ Aaron tells her coldly. 

“ I know that love, but you are my son - “ 

“ And he is your son in law! “ Aaron yells at his mum, ignoring the tears falling down his face, not noticing his voice cracking. 

Chas looks twice as hurt. “ I know - “ 

“ Mr Sugden Dingles family? “ The Doctor calls out, looking around the room his eyes going over to the figure bolting up towards him. 

“ Yes. “ Aaron pushes out breathless. 

“ Can we speak in private? “ 

“ Can all of us come in? “ Victoria asks pleadingly, standing behind her brother in law. 

The Doctor looks conflicted as he makes a unsure face. “ I would prefer it to be Mr Sugden Dingles Husband first. “ 

“ It’ll be fine okay. “ Aaron tells them quickly before following Robert’s Doctor into the private room. 

He sits opposite Aaron and takes a deep breath. “ Mr - “ 

“ Please just call him Robert. “ he chokes out. 

He nods. “ Robert’s been calling for an Aaron and then saying he doesn’t want an Aaron - I take it you are Aaron? “ he says pityingly seeing Aaron’s face fall. 

“ Y-Yeh I’m Aaron. “ he whispers. Does Robert not want him anymore? Was he too late? 

The Doctor nods his head. “ His behaviour is - “ he tilts his head as he makes a conflicted face.   
“ Acratic, frantic and abnormal. It had taken us a long time to calm him as he was shouting and being aggressive - come in.” He calls out when The was a knock to the door. The two police officers come in.

“ Hello, we are PC Williams and PC Jones. “ They announce. The officers sit down next to the Doctor as he starts to speak again. 

“ Robert was brought in with multiple infected and not infected lacerations to the arms, back, neck, thighs and stomach. He has scar tissue, keloid scars. Also because of the fire his leg and arm was burnt. They weren’t severely burnt, only second degree however, we will still need to keep an eye on them. “ The Doctor lists off, Aaron stares in shock he feels sick. 

He must’ve been tortured so badly. With the fire burns added as well... 

“ Is there more? “ He asks quietly voice cracking. His beautiful husband going to have a reminder of what happened to him. Aaron can’t hear anymore of this. He can’t. It is physically aching him. 

“ Yes. “ The Doctor tells him gently. He even looks disturbed by the information. “ Robert has severe Anal tearing which is by numerous accounts of rape and anal play. “ 

Aaron breaks down into a flood of tears, angry, hurtful sobs that severe whole of his body shakes.. His husband has been through the most painful, unthinkable experience that nobody should go through. He wants to kill John. 

“ - He may have possible speech impediment or even brain damage - “ 

“ B-brain damage? “ Aaron whispers. He looks pale, nearly grey looking. 

Memory loss? Speech impediment? 

“ It may be a possibility. Robert has been on a very high dosage of alcohol and drugs throughout his ordeal. We need to do further tests to see if he has or not. “ 

Aaron starts crying again.   
“ What type of drugs has he been given? “ 

“ A mixture of Ketamine, Exodus Damnation and Frunitrazepam.” 

“ Roofie? And Cannabis? “ His voice breaks. He hates how he knows what that is, back in his old days. The drugs smack heads use. 

“ John may have been drugging him throughout the 3 weeks to make Robert forget what has been happening to him. To make Robert more vulnerable. “ 

“ J-John needs to get locked up! “ Aaron stammers through angry tears. 

“ We need to get a statement of Robert, it will help with the added evidence we currently have. “ PC Williams interrupts as the Doctor was about to speak. . 

“ C-can it wait? “ Aaron pleads through tears. 

“ You want him locked up don’t you? “ He questions firmly. 

Aaron nods slowly, wiping away more tears.

“ i would prefer Robert to get some space for more days. He has been through a very distressing experience and we can not overcrowd him. “ The Doctor tells the police who don’t look so pleased. They reluctantly nod their heads as they leave when The Doctor stands up. 

“ Do you want to see him? “ 

Aaron nods his head slowly. The information still processing, and all he can do is go along. He’s scared of how he will see his husband. There are terrific images running through his head and all he wants to do is run. 

This is too painful. He knows about what happened, but actually seeing Robert is a totally different experience. 

//// 

The Doctor leaves Aaron next to Roberts hospital room door, the blinds are shut. He has never been this nervous to see his husband. Aaron agreed to the Doctor for him to tell Victoria and Chas, because he is unable too. He might break down again, he needs to be strong for Robert he keeps telling himself. 

Aaron silently walks into the room and panics instinctively. Robert isn’t here. When he is about to leave he hears a very slight whimper from the corner. He creeps around the bed to see his husband on the floor, knees pressed up to his chest as he gently rocks backwards and forwards mumbling. 

Aaron gasps a little, Robert looks like a little boy. His face distraught, you can see the pain in his facial features. 

“ Doo-don’t like t-that. No-don’t. “ 

“ .. Rob? “ Aaron whispers just loud enough for Robert who jumps looking terrified.   
“ Hey, hey it’s okay. “ he whispers with a soft smile, wanting to calm him. 

The blonde man wraps his arms around his knees tighter. He frowns, avoiding eye contact.   
“ W-Who you? “ he whispers scared. 

Aaron blinks back tears, feels like he has been hit by a train.   
“ I’m Aaron, your husband. “ 

“ Aaron? “ Robert whispers hopeful. 

Aaron cries silently. “ Yeh Rob, it’s me. “ 

“ You came to save me? “ He whispers again, sounding like a little boy. 

“ You’re already saved Robert, you are in hospital. Do you know where you are? “ Aaron asks gently, concerned. 

His husband looks around the room slowly before nodding his head weakly. 

“ W-where’s Master? “ 

What? Aaron frowns. 

“ Who’s Master? “ Aaron asks confused. 

“ H-He told me to call him Master. “ Robert told Aaron weakly. 

Aaron wipes away his tears as he hesitantly shuffles forward towards Robert. 

‘ I will always be here with you, your Master. ‘ 

Robert starts crying hearing his voice. Aaron lied to him! Master is still here! 

Aaron stops moving when Robert flinches seeing him closer to him. 

“ John isn’t your Master Rob. “ 

The man on the floor looks up and suddenly. “ Why did you take so long to find me!? “ Robert crumbles. 

“ I - tried Rob - I was searching you for weeks - “ 

“ H-He hurt me! He hurt me A-Aaron and you weren’t there to stop it! You left me! “ 

Robert sobs into his knees, everything aching, needing to sleep. 

“ I-I’m Sorry. But I’m here now.” Aaron tells him gently. He is just inches away from his husband and he has the urge to hug him. 

“ M-Master is goin’ to be here!” Robert shouts out. “ He - he’s going to take me away! I need M-Master! “ 

Didn’t he say that’s all Roberts got? Robert is nothing without him? Robert only needs him because he gets him safe? 

“ No he isn’t, you are safe now -“ 

“ I - don’t know to talk. “ Robert tells him weakly. He doesn’t know how to cope with this. He doesn’t know how to act or speak around these people. At least he knew what to do around Master.   
Aaron noticed he messed up his words, maybe it’s the drugs and alcohol making him forget? Aaron notices Robert’s wounds still look infected even after being cleaned. The skin looks discoloured with tight pink, red and purple scarring. 

“ S-stop l-looking at m-m-me. “ Robert stammers out. He steadily gets up and slowly climbs into the bed. He wraps the blanket around himself and tightens his grip. 

Aaron stands in the same position for a awkward moment. He knows it wasn’t going to easy but actually experiencing it is a whole lot harder to deal with. 

“ I did try finding you Robert. “ Aaron tells him quietly needing him to know. 

“ M-Master said you d-didn’t. “ 

Aaron breathes in a deep breath trying not to let his anger bloom even more. He hates how John has brainwashed his husband. “ I was searching for you, those 3 whole weeks were spent looking for you Rob. “ 

“ Really? “ Robert whispers unsure. 

“ Yes Robert. “ Aaron smiles gently.

“ I missed - ‘ou. “ Robert cries, he hates how his emotions suddenly change. 

“ I missed you too. “ Aaron repeats cracking his voice.   
“ Can I give you a hug? “ 

Robert shakes his head. He still feels the Masters hands all over him, feels his long fingers inside him and on his skin. He doesn’t know how to cope around men, especially with his husband. He stares ahead spaced out, the itch to have the drugs and alcohol worsening, the itch to cut himself becoming unbearable. He wants to slip into unconscious again. He feels wave of guiltiness when he thinks where Master is. He is so used to having Master telling him how worthless he is, how he only needs Master in his life he doesn’t know how to cope without him. 

He is confused about everything. 

“ Do you want to see Victoria? Or Liv? “ Aaron asks him, hates how distant they are. He is so out of his depth with this situation that he doesn’t want to speak, doesn’t want to upset his husband. 

“ Tomorrow. “ he whispers. 

He can’t see any of them. He can’t face to have a conversation. What would he say? He feels so indifferent. He isn’t Robert anymore. He’s no one. Master took Robert away, now he is just a existing body. 

“ M’tired now. “ Robert says awkwardly. 

Aaron half smiles and sits straighter up. “ Do you want me to go? Stay? “ 

“ I don’t know what I want. “   
He comments emotionless. 

Aaron nods his head slowly, as he gets up from the chair. He plays with his wedding ring subconsciously. 

“ I’ll leave you for bit to tell the others what’s going on and then l’ll come back to you okay? “ 

All he gets is a nod. 

Aaron walks out and takes a hard breath in. Everything is spinning and spinning, feeling sick needing to run and run. Too painful to watch his husband like this. He can’t cope with all this information, then he feels terrible and selfish that he can’t cope watching but Robert went through it for three whole weeks. He stumbles to the water machine and gets a plastic cup out with water in and downs the whole lot. He reads the messages off Victoria and Chas saying they’ve gone home to get Robert’s things he needs. That the Doctor advised them to go home because Robert might feel too crowded. Aaron replies back okay. He can’t concentrate on them now. 

He wonders outside, needing to clear his head. Robert needs him, Robert needs him to be his rock. Aaron breaths deeply, remembering what his counsellor told him about concerning on his breathing first to calm him down. Aaron looks at his phone and it’s been a hour already. He’s left him for too long. 

Aaron smiles softly seeing Robert’s peaceful face, before sitting down on the chair waiting whenever Robert will need him. His eyes trace over his husbands scarred, burnt, banged arms. His leg bangled up as well, Aaron can see the cuts and all he wants to do is take away the pain Robert has suffered. 

He just wants to wrap him up in cotton wool and tell him everything is going to be alright. 

When it’s far from alright. 

/////// 

“ No, no - Aaron - you left me- no John - I’m sorry Master - “ 

Aaron stirs awake hearing Robert’s mumbling. Aaron gently soothes him with gentle words knowing not to touch as it may trigger Robert. 

“ Please not - not today - I’ve been good! “ Robert cries in his still unconscious state. Aaron could cry from how his husband sounded like a little broken boy. The brunette backs away to give Robert some space when he moves, till Aaron is grown alarmed when Robert goes on all fours. “ I’m sorry - “ he lets out a broken gasp. Aaron touches Robert’s shoulders and tells him to wake up, Robert just wake up it’s only a dream please wake up for me. 

“ M’no, hurts. “ Robert whimpers. 

Aaron shakes him awake violently not knowing another way to wake him up when he was too far deep in his nightmare. 

“ Huh. “ Robert gasps out, stares wide eyed at Aaron, gripping the blanket tight in his hold. “ Aaron? W-why you here? Are - you real? “ he whimpers scared, flinches and tenses when Aaron moves towards him. 

“ Yes I am here Rob, been here the whole time. “ Aaron smiles reassuring and gently, ever so softly touches Robert’s thin arm. He jumps nearly hitting the roof and Aaron yanks his arm away hating himself that he’s scared Robert. “ Sorry! Sorry I - I just wanted you to know I’m real. “ 

“ The other Aaron touched me as well and he felt real. “ Robert tells him quietly nearly crying. 

Aaron’s face nearly crumbles by what he’s hearing. “ That was a humiliation, I’m real. “ he tells him softly yet pleading. 

Robert looks up slowly with his eyes full of tears. “ Really? “ 

“ Yeh Rob, that wasn’t really me but I am here now okay? I’ll keep you safe. “ 

Robert’s face crumbles as he cries against his knees. He hates this. He hates feeling out of control with everything. He doesn’t feel like him, it’s just weird how to to describe it. He feels like he is just watching everything go by whilst he is stuck on pause. 

“ C-can I - I need you - hug - “ Robert gasps out through his vulnerable cries. He feels so small, doesn’t feel clean anymore. Master took away Robert and left the shell abandoned. 

Aaron looked hesitant before slowly sitting beside his husband and loosely wrapping his arms around Robert. 

“ we’ll work through this together okay? “ Aaron tells him confidently, needing to somehow encourage Robert to know he is not alone. 

“ T-Together. “ Robert stammers out against Aaron’s shoulder painfully with his throat raw and sore.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long wait, but I had writers block. Thank you for waiting for a update :)

Victoria saw Aaron sitting outside Robert’s room crying with his legs pulled up to his chest, ignoring all the concerned and funny looks he is getting. Victoria bent down beside him seeing the heartbreak in his eyes, this must be bad - really bad. 

“ Aaron? What’s going on? “ She fearfully asked. 

“ He- he’s completely broken. “ Aaron choked out. “ When I came in earlier on he was just - just rocking backwards and forwards talking to himself. Sayin’ Master and just having so many flashbacks or seeing people. “ Aaron cried painfully through his cracked words. 

Victoria had her own tears fall gently down her cheeks.   
“ He isn’t okay is he? “ she asked quietly. 

Aaron shook his head. “ No, that isn’t my Robert in there, Johns taken - taken him. “ Aaron gasped as another set of tears came. 

Vic looked helpless. What can she say or do to make any of this okay?   
She gently rubbed his arm as comfort and after a few minutes he got up and wiped away his tears. 

“ I need to be strong for him, he needs me and he can’t have me breaking down. “ Aaron told her putting on a strong voice. 

“ He has me and the rest of the village as well Aaron your not on your own. “ Victoria reminded him. She looked anxious. “ Are you sure you should be with him? “ she mentally kicked herself not meaning for it to come out like that. 

Aaron frowned harshly.   
“ What the fuck does that suppose to mean? “ 

“ I meant, “ she took a deep breath. “ Your past history, would it cause triggers? “ 

Aaron nearly scoffs hating how people are more worried about him than Robert. 

“ My main priority is my husband understand? “ 

“ But you won’t be much use if you start self harming again - “ 

Aaron stood closer to her, his eyes going dark. “ I am focusing on Robert, I don’t want you to ever say to me - should I be and support my husband, because I can help him as I know half of what he’s been through. Got it?”he hissed in her face angrily calm. Aaron turned around taking a quick deep breath before entering his husbands room. Victoria swallowed down the guilt and followed her brother in law into the room. 

At first she gasped accidentally. Robert looked like he was dead, the grey skin with dark patches scattered over his body as the weird yellow skin parts were on his arms. Victoria’s gaze went over the many, many cuts and scars with bruising and burn marks on his arms. He was hugging his knees gently and slowly rocking his eyes frozen as they stared at the end of the hospital bed.   
Aaron sat on the chair bedside him with an anxious/awkward look. Robert didn’t say anything to Aaron before Victoria got here and then Aaron just told him he’s getting a coffee till breaking down outside the door. 

“ Hiya Rob. “ Victoria smiles at her brother nervously. She crept beside him and sat down on the other seat. Robert didn’t notice. He needed to sleep, he needed the pills and whiskey to make him fall asleep. He needs to hurt himself because he feels so suffocated that it actually feels like he is going to die. 

Robert shakes his head. Carries on rocking. No can’t speak. Need to block out thoughts. This is his fault. He is the problem here. He deserved what Master did to him because he is scum.   
All of them seen his most private parts, they touched and prodded his damaged skin and he never ever wanted to be touched. He wants to be sick. Everyone has seen him, seen his body, seen the aftermath of what’s happened to him. He wants to die. He wants to stab everyone and watch them choke on their own blood. He hears Aaron and Victoria talking to him, but are they actually talking to him? Maybe he is going mad. He can feel it, feels his sanity leaving or maybe it’s already left? He wants to strangle everyone but then he wants to scream. Scream. Strangle. Scream. Strangle. Scr-

“ I HATE YOU! “ Robert screams against his hands. He can’t remember doing it. Victoria and Aaron jump from the sudden shout. Robert goes back to rocking on the hospital bed.   
He feels nauseous. He is being sick. He can’t stop puking. Robert was sick in that shed and had to sleep in his own vomit till Master ‘helped’ him. Master showed him what a naughty boy he was.   
Robert stares at the wall. “ I’m sorry. “ he comments emotionless. 

“ You have nothin’ to be sorry for Robert. “ Victoria gently tells him. 

“ You can do it now. “ Robert tells them, tells him - Master. 

Aaron and Victoria frown at him.   
“ Do What? “ 

“ Punish me. “ 

Both of them look alarmed and heartbroken. “ No, no, Robert don’t ever say that. We are not going to hurt you okay. “ Aaron firmly tells his husband. 

Robert carries on staring and staring. He is so messy. He is a mess. He slowly gets up like he’s on mute, he feels weird, feels disconnected. Robert doesn’t notice the anxious looks off Aaron and Victoria watching his every move. Robert walks over to the wall and starts wracking his head against the wall. He deserves this, he made a mess and now he needs to be punished. Aaron bolts up and grabs Robert to stop him from repeatedly smashing his head against the wall. 

“ Robert stop it - just - go back to bed yeh? “ Aaron gently tells him terrified, afraid he has said the wrong things, he is too out of his depth. Aaron doesn’t know how or what to say. Robert is different, Aaron wants to cry. 

Robert’s skull throbs and stinging and aches but he couldn’t get away. He needs to get away! Robert let’s Aaron guide him back to the bed. He is numb, feels Masters hands on him. He wants to rip off his skin. 

Aaron slips out of the room to call the nurse Robert’s been sick and that he has been bashing his head against the wall. She looks concerned and frowns before telling Aaron she’ll speak to Roberts Doctor. 

“ Bad. Bad. Need to stay good. Master, Master is all I have. I have no one. No one loves me, Master said he loves me. I don’t trust him but he’s all I got. “ Robert speaks to himself, his arms wrapped around his legs up to his chest. He didn’t hear Victoria or Aaron talking to him, he didn’t know he was in hospital. He was back at that shed again, or was it a house? Robert doesn’t know, can’t remember everything is muddled up like a jigsaw. 

“ Rob? “ Aaron quietly asked. 

Robert slowly looked at Aaron taking in the man’s face. Scared. Frightened. Anxious. This is what he has done, caused for hassle. He is a hassle. 

“ Yeh? “ Robert asks spaced out. 

“ I - “ The words get caught up in his throat. What is he supposed to say? “ Have you thought about having a counsellor? “ Aaron asked ever so gently. 

Robert shakes his head. No. No. Master will be angry at him. 

‘ You are right Robby. ‘ 

Robert jumps back seeing him standing in the corner of the room smiling. 

Aaron and Victoria cross looks confused by Robert’s frightened face, he looks so much vulnerable as he did a few minutes ago. 

“ I’m sorry. “ It’s like he is reading off a script. 

Master smiles at him comes forward and strokes Robert’s harm. ‘ It’s okay Robby, I forgive you, it’s only because I love you remember? “ 

Robert cowers, he turns himself in nearly flinching and tensing from the contact of Master. He can’t anger him. 

“ I know. “ Robert tells him scared. 

“ Robert Who are you talking to? “ Victoria asks him confused seeing her brother looking up at the air and answering back to nothing. 

“ Master is here. “ Robert tells her quietly. 

Aaron looks beyond concerned and worried. “ Robert, Ma - He isn’t here it’s just us three okay? “ 

Robert shakes his head.   
“ He will always be here. “ he whispers. 

-/- 

“ Robert will have Psychological trauma, if Robert does not want a counsellor we can’t force him into having one. The Doctor told Aaron nearly shrugging his shoulders. 

“ But you have to! He was smashin’ his head against the bloody wall! He was talking to himself! “ Aaron raises his voice frustrated. 

“ It will be the side effects of the drugs. “ 

“ And you can’t take them out of his system at all? “ 

“ No, it takes time. “ 

“ thanks. “ Aaron replies sarcastically and walks back into his husbands room. Robert wasn’t sitting on the bed, instead Aaron heard him whispering to himself on the floor against the wall. 

“ Sorry, Sorry, Sorry, please stop, it hurts, hurts, so bad. “ 

Aaron crouched down next to him, he glanced at Robert and noticed how he tensed up. This hurts seeing his husband like this, he wants to kill John for this. 

“ Where’s Victoria gone? “ Aaron asks him, needing to act normal, just because Robert is - different because of what happened- he can’t treat him differently. 

Robert shakes his head. “ No - don’t know. “ 

“ How are you feeling? “ Aaron carefully asks. 

“ I - need the drugs - “ Robert nearly whines. 

“ Robert, you know you can’t have them - “ 

Robert starts to shake lightly.   
“ I need them - need them - help me - I can’t think straight- “ 

Aaron wipes away a tear from his own eye. “ Just calm down yeh? “ 

‘ Calm down for master. ‘ 

Robert’s head shoots up at that man’s name. 

“ Rob? “ 

‘ Oh Robbie. ‘ John laughs at him. 

“ He - He’s here Aaron! “ Robert shouts scrambling up. 

Aaron stands up as well looking equally scared. “ Rob he isn’t here, it’s just us two. “ 

‘ Lying. ‘ 

Robert turns to look at Aaron wide eyed. “ No! He is here Aaron! You need to go! “ 

‘ BANG! ‘ 

Robert jumps out of his skin starring at John who’s hysterically laughing, enjoying the torture. 

Robert feels the burning heat again, feels the pain in his leg and arm turn even worse.   
He stretches at the bandages only now realising they are there. 

“ Get - get off - “ Robert talks to himself scratching the white bandage. 

Aaron gently takes away Robert’s hands from his arm.   
“ Rob? Just listen to me yeh? “ Robert looks like a lost child.   
“ Do you want to go to bed? You must be tired? “ 

Robert nods his head slowly vulnerable and slowly gets into the bed and wraps the blanket around himself again.   
Aaron sits back down onto the chair and watches Robert sleep, he lets himself cry for a short while, it’s like Robert doesn’t even recognise him. Aaron knows it wouldn’t be easy after being held hostage for 3 weeks, with the unthinkable happening to him, but he didn’t know it would feel so - hard. He doesn’t know what to do, what to say, he feels so helpless.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait!   
> I kept getting writers block, but inspiration suddenly came to me few days ago.   
> I feel this is a bit muddled up? But it’s basically how Robert feels ( he’s confused about everything) and I wanted to write how the others feel as they can be affected too.   
> There are warnings ( only implied + talked about ) but there isn’t anything graphic.

“ I really missed you - “ Victoria trialed off nearly awkwardly. What is she meant to finish that with? Went away? Departure? He was kidnapped and held captive but even that she can’t bring herself to say. It hurts her too much for what her big brother went through. 

They haven’t spoken in 60 minutes. Victoria felt she was intruding somehow and Robert wasn’t saying anything just starring at his arms or rocking backwards and forwards. The Doctors said it is some kind of comfort for Robert, some victims do this as to calm themselves down. That doesn’t mean it eases her nerves down. 

“ Where’s Master? “ Robert asks quietly on edge. He stops the rocking on the bed he doesn’t look at Victoria or anyone for that matter since he came to the hospital. Only doing so when it is only necessary. 

Victoria’s face shifts. “ he’s in prison. “ 

“ Why? “ Robert whispers confused. Didn’t Master tell him all this his fault? Shouldn’t Master be out of prison because he was only helping to get the evil out of Robert? 

“ Why? Why! “ Victoria repeats heatedly it soon fades away when Robert flinches from the sudden hostility. Victoria swallows down her guilt and leans forward slightly to show she’s no harm. “ I’m sorry for shouting, but he held you hostage for 3 weeks, he was hurting you horrendously and he deserves to be in prison. “ 

Robert blinked letting one fat tear roll down his cheek.   
“ He kept telling me he was helping me - that I deserved it, I needed to be put in line... “ Robert commented emotionless. Victoria couldn’t name one, it was a mixture of all. 

Victoria sighed softly. “ You didn’t deserve to be repeatedly raped, drugged, cut, bruised or burnt Robert. “ she told him heavily but her voice pitying. 

Robert didn’t say anything instead he rolled onto his side with his back facing his sister. He can’t listen to her or anyone. He wants to be alone, wants the punishments, to stop the racing thoughts. He can’t do this anymore, he needs to escape to be finally free. 

-/- 

Liv watched Aaron walk around the living room in a fast pace collecting his stuff to go back to the hospital. She hates how she can’t go and see Robert, and how she feels like she’s out of the loop. 

“ Can I please see him Aaron. “ 

“ It might be too much for you Liv. “ Aaron told her finally stopping. 

“ It won’t. “ She stubbornly said. “ I feel like I’m out of the loop. “ she admitted. Aaron sighed and walked to his little sister, he put his hands onto her shoulders and looked directly at her. 

“ I understand, but he’s - he’s not the same Liv. “ Aaron confessed, sad. 

She frowned her chin wobbling.   
“ He looks different? “ 

Aaron made a face. “ He’s skinnier, but no he doesn’t look any different just a bit more fragile. “ Robert would hate how he’s being described like that. “He’s different mentally. “ 

“ Will he ever be the same? “ Liv asked scared. 

“ I don’t think so Liv, the Doctors said he is psychologically traumatised. He’ll be on a long path to recovery they said. “ 

Liv broke down into tears.   
“ I hate him for doing this to Robert! “ she sobbed into Aaron’s chest. 

And yeh he hates John too, if he could get his hands on him. Nobody could identify him if they found Johns body. Let’s put it that way. 

/-/ 

Robert liked being a alone. He got used to it when he was in that place, he enjoyed the silence for hours - days to weeks on end. It made him feel different when he sat there numb not moving, it got him to focus on something. But the events of what used to happen would take over and he’d used to hurt himself to make them stop.   
Robert keeps having flashbacks, he keeps seeing John and suddenly he wants to come out of his body. He wished he died in the fire, now he’s left with burns over his skin. Why did this even happen? Did he bring this onto himself? 

/-/ 

Aaron walked into Robert’s room bit more slowly as you normally would. Robert despised this, everyone seeing him as different now. 

“ hiya. “ Aaron smiled softly, Robert sees the grief in his eyes. 

“ Hello. “ Robert whispered, avoiding eye contact. 

“ How are you? “ 

Something in Robert snapped, like rope tearing apart and all you can hear is the snapping apart. 

“ WHY IS EVERYONE KEEP ASKING ME THAT FOR? “ Robert screamed, it sounded strange in his ears, it was like it wasn’t actually him yelling. 

“ Because- we’re just worried. “ Aaron stammered nervously, not used to this sudden anger in him when he’s been overly too quiet. 

“ You know I’m not fine, I’m fucked in the head now aren’t I? You’ve found your match now haven’t ya? “ Robert laughed coldly. 

Robert has so many moods changing it’s exhausting.

“ Don’t speak to me like that. “ Aaron couldn’t help but to sound hurt, his Robert wouldn’t ever say that to him. “ I know you are traumatised - “ 

“ understatement of the year. “ Robert muttered, pulling the wrist band. 

“ But I know how it feels - well half of it Rob - “ 

Rob = Robby. 

Come on Robby. 

Robert stilled. He wanted to be sick. How could that only now trigger Robert? 

“ Robert? What’s wrong? “ Aaron panicked, Robert wasn’t even breathing. 

Robby. Come on Robby, be a good boy you are, Robby. 

“ Robert please breathe! “ Aaron panicked, feeling himself becoming to have a panic attack. He put his hands on his husbands shoulders begging him to calm down and breathe but it wasn’t working. Nothing was working. 

Robert gulped like he swallowed glass hard.All he can hear is Masters words. He can’t do anything, he feels himself slipping away, his lungs and everything is just burning. His brain isn’t letting him breathe! 

Good boy, swallow all now. I knew you are one of the good ones. Now wouldn’t daddy be sad to see you like this Robby? 

“ Nurse! “ 

Robert’s eyes were rolling more black dots now forming. 

“ Robert just calm down for us? Can you hear me? “ 

Their voices were like under water. He couldn’t even see anything, he was back at Masters and he was touching him- 

“ He’s fainted. “ 

-/- 

“ Ohh love, come here. “ Chas cuddles her son in her embrace. He clings onto her sobbing into her shoulder outside the hospital room beyond upset. 

“ M-mum he’s completely broken! He’s taken away my husband! “ Aaron sobbed louder gripping her shoulders tighter as the sobs became louder and painful. 

The woman rubbed soothing circles on his back blinking back tears. Paddy walked up and saw them both hugging each other, seeing his son cry so freely is devastating. 

“ We’ll get him back love. “ 

“ I hate him! I want him dead! “ Aaron choked out painfully the hatred present in his voice. Chas quietly moves her son to the nearby chairs and they sit down. “ I don’t think I can do this. “ Aaron confess, weakly. 

“ Do What? “ Paddy pipes in, frowning. 

“ I’m too weak to be the strong one. All I’ve done is lean on people and I have never been the strong one. I’m useless. “ Aaron explains, insecurities bubbling up to the surface. 

“ you are not useless Aaron “ Paddy tells him firmly. “ you stood up to Gordon, went to court and told what that monster did to you. You showed strength, you are anything but weak. “ 

Chas half smiles, carries on rubbing Aaron’s upper back.   
“ Paddy’s right love, you have dealt with so much in your life and you’re still here. Your not weak, and you can support Robert because he needs ya, he needs all of us. “ 

Aaron sighs heavily, wipes away his tears and rubs his eyes.   
“ don’t you think I know that? “ he states out sarcastically. 

Chas shares a look with paddy before carrying on. “ I’m saying is, Robert can’t see you break down in front of him because he’s not mentally strong enough. He’s not right, right now and he needs to be shown support and love. “ she tells him, when Aaron looks like he is about to protest she stops him. “ I know within the circumstances it’s a bit close to home for you Aaron, we’re not stupid okay? As much as you like to show us we are. “ They all weakly smile at that. “ You can tell, breakdown, scream shout at us when Rob isn’t around okay? You can talk to us because we need to keep your safe as well, we need to support you too. “ 

Aaron turns to her. “ Mum I don’t want all the attention on me just because of my past. I want all the focus on my husband and how to help him, I don’t want the pity act of ‘ poor Aaron can’t cope. ‘ “ 

“ Aaron we’re not saying that, “ he gives Paddy a look with his eyebrows raising ever so slightly. “ But we do need to focus on you too, to help you when you may have a trigger. “ 

“ I’ll get a counsellor then. “ Aaron says. “ I’ll call Lorna up again, tell her I need weekly sessions again. Okay? “ 

“ we don’t want to push you - “ 

Aaron shakes his head, looking more stronger all the sudden.   
“ no, no your right. I need to support myself as well as Robert because I can’t help him if I’m struggling too. “ 

“ You’ve become so wise and mature love. “ Chas tells him proud. 

“ I need to be don’t I? I’ve got a husband I need to support, and show him how he can move past this. “ 

Just like how Robert helped him. 

However long it takes, however long the recovery is, I’ll be there holding your hand. 

/-/ 

Victoria sniffles and wiped away her tears again with the tissue. Diane held her hand watching her cry. 

“ pet, it’ll be okay. “ 

Victoria dropped her hand against her leg and looked at her. “ how is it going to be okay Diane? Robert is broken, John has completely broken him! “ 

“ Robert is strong, he can do anything he puts his mind to it. “ 

Victoria scoffed at her words.   
“ Yeh Robert used to be strong, but now? No, he is at his weakest and I don’t think anyone of us can help him. He rocks backwards and forwards all the time mumbling to himself! So no he won’t put his mind to it when it is tainted by that fucking monster!! “ 

“ Victoria I’m only trying to help okay? I’ll visit him after. “ She smiled softly. 

Victoria sighed heavily.   
“ I don’t even know if he wants visitors. It’s like he’s not in the room, he barely speaks and when he does it’s to ask where John is or well Master. “ Victoria explains bitterly. 

“ Master? “ Diane repeats, frowning. Strange. “ John would want to call him Master? “ 

Victoria nods her head. “ yeh, he’s brainwashed him or well tried too and now Robs confused I assume. “ 

“ and what’s the Doctors said about this? “ 

She nearly shrugs her shoulders. “ Basically he will heal in time, but it’s been 3/4 days and it feels like it’s been a century. “ 

“ Are the police doing anything? “ 

“ they tried to get a statement off him but the Doctors forbid it, saying Robert isn’t ready at all. So they’re waiting reluctantly but I know they’re not happy. “ 

“ they can’t force Robert into talking - “ 

“ they said they need to get a statement and if they can’t John might get off. “ She explains, voice cracking. 

“They can’t do that! “ 

“ They have the evidence of what happened to Robert, but they need more to get everyone stitched together and he won’t need to go to court. “ 

“ How long will he have to wait? “Diane asks. 

“ I don’t know. “ 

“ I’ll talk to him. “ She promises. 

“ you can’t force him Diane. It make trigger him. “ 

“ I’ll be careful! “ 

-/- 

Aaron walked into the room and instantly panicked when he saw the empty bed, only to see Robert standing by the window staring out. Aaron walked up to him and stood beside him, mentally taking note of him tensing up. 

Something snaps in Robert and he begins talking, maybe because he feels comfortable being with Aaron. He feels safe - till the memories taint it. 

“ When Master left me there, without the things, I would sometimes walk to the window and look outside for hours. Happy that the chain was long enough. “ Robert commented plainly. 

“ You were chained up? “ Aaron repeated, voice wobbling. John acted like Robert an animal. He doesn’t remember Robert being chained that day, but he did see it laying on the floor. 

Robert nodded his head. “ he didn’t want me to escape. “

“ god. “ 

Robert turned to Aaron looking nervous. “ Aaron. “ his voice was different, Aaron looked at him with that terror where he knows he’s going to be left.   
“ I still love you, you know? “ he whispers. 

Aaron looks like the happiest man on earth. Hope. 

“ I love you too. “ Aaron repeats with so much love in his voice and Robert saw the love in Aaron’s blue eyes. 

“ but - he’s messed me up “ Robert confesses, like it’s one of his darkest secrets. “ I don’t know if I’ll ever be the same again. “ 

“ I know you feel like that but in time you’ll slowly move on, you won’t ever be the same but you’ll rediscover yourself again and you will learn to love yourself. “ 

“ I hate feeling like this. “ Robert whimpers. 

Aaron was itching to touch him, to show his husband some sort of comfort. “ I know, but we’ll help ya okay? “ 

Robert nods his head again, turns to the window carrying on looking outside at the bright day. They stand in silence for a while, Robert subconsciously scratching his palm whilst Aaron enjoyed being in his husbands presences. 

“ I gotten used to being alone and the silence. “ Robert spoke suddenly. 

“ yeh? “ Aaron waited for him to carry on. 

“ sometimes it helped. “ The lump too big in his throat to continue. Aaron noticed his stillness and gently edged closer to him but still not touching. 

“ it’s okay, you can tell me. “ Aaron encouraged. 

“ It helped when the cutting, burning myself wouldn’t help or drinking and smoking wouldn’t help. “ Robert confessed sounding ashamed.

Aaron looked like he was about to breakdown hearing this. 

“ Silence was another way to cope. But when Master didn’t visit me for few days and I was having major withdrawals but I handled it. “ 

Aaron started off but Robert interrupted. “ your not having the withdrawal- “ 

“ I got better at handling it because I didn’t want to upset Master, I hoped - even begged for him to not do anything but I was wrong. Every time I was wrong. “ 

“ What did John used to do to you? “ Aaron sensitively touched the topic. Robert immediately tensed up visibility shaking slightly. He looked around the room feeling like he is here with them. With him. 

“ is he here? “ Robert whispered scared. 

“ No, Robert, no it’s just us. Your safe. “ Aaron assured him.   
“ We don’t have to talk about him if you’re not ready. “ 

“ I don’t want to ever talk about him. “ Robert feared. 

“ And you don’t have to, but it helped with me you know? Talking. It only helped in time, I didn’t force myself to talk because- it felt like it was more real somehow? “ 

“ sometimes I can’t even remember what he did, it’s like the whole thing is blanked out. I don’t even know what I feel anymore, it’s just numb. “ Robert told him quietly, looking down at his hands then gazing at the bandage on his arm. 

“ You need to give yourself time.” 

“ But how much time will I have whenever I feel Master over me, near me? He will always be with me and I don’t know how to stop it. “ 

-/- 

Diane walked in with a coffee cup in her hand forcing a smile when Robert didn’t even glance up from the bed. He was sitting up with his legs up to his chest looking like his bandaged leg is causing him pain. 

“ Hello pet “ She smiled. “ where’s Aaron? “ she asked, noting his presence isn’t here. 

“ gone to the toilet. “ Robert replied indifferently. 

“ How are you? “ she tried. 

Robert shrugged his shoulders.   
“ I don’t know. “ 

“ Have you thought about the police yet pet? “ Diane asked and Robert hugged his knees tighter to his chest. 

“ no. “ he nearly whimpered. 

“ why? “ 

“ Because I can’t talk about what happened. “ He confessed blinking back tears. 

Diane touched his arm not noticing how he visibly tensed up. “ Don’t you want him to stay behind bars? “ she rhetorically asked him, like she’s judging him. 

“ Of course I do! But I can’t! “ Robert cried, images of Master touching him, talking to him are going through his head and he can’t stop it. Diane’s touch affecting him but I can’t say anything because he doesn’t want to be a disappointment. 

“ The police will let him be free.” 

Robert shook his head frantically and he started rocking backwards and forwards looking more distressed. “ no no they can’t do that. He’ll - he’ll find me! No no no. I can’t. I can’t! You can’t “ 

Aaron walked in instantly by his husbands distressed side. 

“ what did you say to him? “ Aaron practically growled at her, Robert carried on mumbling and rocking. 

Diane looks all alarmed like she didn’t try forcing Robert to go to the police. “ All I said was he should go to the police! “ 

“ Diane he’s only been in hospital 3 days! “ He pointed out angrily.“ What else did you say to him? “ 

“ they’ll let him free because he won’t give in a statement. “ She looked guilty. 

“ get out. “ Aaron’s dangerously calm voice filling up the room. 

“ No pet I - “ 

“ Get out! “ he repeated harsher. Diane left Aaron shooting her a disgusted look and his focus went back onto his husband. 

“ Robert it’s okay, they won’t let him out. “ Aaron sat on the bed. 

Robert shook his head again.   
“ They - they going to find him non guilty. He’s going to get me again! “ 

“ no they won’t, they only need to know what happened, but that can wait Robert. Diane was wrong to force ya to go to them. “ 

“ I’m pathetic. “ 

“ no you are not. “ Aaron immediately told him. 

“ I am! “ Robert cried. “ I’m pathetic, disgusting, ugly and disfigured! “ he sobbed. “ I hate this! I just want everything to stop! “ 

“ Can I touch your hand? “ Aaron asked gently, waiting patiently when he numbly nodded his head. Aaron took his hand into his own with a loose hold. “ You are strong, powerful and you can never let anyone tell you otherwise. You don’t have to talk to the police right now Robert. “ 

“ I want everything to stop. “ Robert whispered. 

He feels suffocated. Trapped. Again. He needs silence, all their voices too loud for him, why are they so loud? He want to go back to that shed and hide away. He feels too exposed. 

-:- 

Robert couldn’t sleep at all with his brain awake. He kept reimagining the events of what happened, the gunshot firing away, the fire, his broken inhuman cries echoing in his head. He keeps seeing glances of Master. He’s everywhere. He’s not Robert anymore, Master took him away and now he is nothing. 

Robert takes the thin blanket off him quietly walks past Aaron, his lips curl a tiny bit into a smile seeing the man sleep peacefully. Only if he was just as peaceful.   
He manages to sneak out of the hospital without being noticed. But it’s worse now. He feels different, he hasn’t been outside since leaving that place. Even then he never left. He runs and runs and runs till his feet bleed and ache. Robert doesn’t recollect the pain in his body where the burnt skin is pulling, he can’t even remember having them. Everything is a blur.   
He needs silence, he needs to get away, feel everyone’s eyes on him like they are haunting him. 

Master is haunting him. Laughing at him. Mocking. 

Robert jumps when a owl makes a noise. He walks around the woods, he doesn’t even know how long he has been walking for. Why does he feel overly calm? Too calm considering he left the hospital and he is walking around in the dark only in a hospital gown on with his pjs. He strangely likes it now, he won’t ever be found. He’s free. 

He’s finally free.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments are always welcome but please stay respectful as I didn’t mean to cause harm. 
> 
> Thank you to those who are waiting for this to be updated, and I hope I haven’t disappointed? ( if I have sorry ).


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Will Robert be found?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please be mindful of Triggers.   
> Medical information may be inaccurate and/or the lawful information about juries.   
> Also sorry for any mistakes in this ( Autocorrect is a right b!tch).

“ Aaron. Aaron. Aaron! “ The nurse shakes him awake frantically. 

“ what? “ Aaron groans, blinking away the sleep. 

“ where’s Robert? “ The nurse looks frantic. Aaron sits up straighter fully alert, only notices the empty bed.  
Oh no. Oh no no no.   
“ I don’t know! I didn’t see him leave! “ his heart falling to the floor. 

“ all the toilets are empty, he’s left the hospital. “ Suddenly the nurse tells the other one, Aaron can’t even remember her being there. 

Aaron gets up, feels like a whirlwind. Doctors and nurses running around the ward, Aaron struggling to breathe. How did he miss him leaving? Why did he fall asleep? Doctors urgently asking him what state he was in before he left and yeh Robert was a little - off but he had Aaron. 

He had Aaron. His husband. Wasn’t that enough? 

Aaron just breaks down in his car in the bloody car park ignoring the looks off patients walking past. Because they aren’t dealing with their loved one going missing for the second bloody time are they? 

The police are called, helicopters flying in the sky searching for his missing husband. 

Aaron gets Deva Vü when Robert first went missing. Aaron couldn’t sleep for solid 3 days because he was like a mad man searching every single wood, village or town. 

Aaron drives around in his car making sharp turns around corners because he needs to find Robert. Needs him right now in his arm and needs to tell him to stop leaving him. 

He pleads and begs John hasn’t taken him, hasn’t assaulted him for the millionth time. Aaron feels like he is on the verge of a mental breakdown. But he can’t let himself loose control. 

The street lights bouncing off the black car feeling like he is in a race. He answers the phone to PC Williams whilst driving, thank god Robert connected -this bloody thing Aaron can’t remember the name of - so he can just talk to people without holding his phone.   
Aaron breaths in relief when PC Williams informs him John is still in prison, that freak hasn’t gotten to Robert again. 

Before he knows it he is at the very same place where that police officer caught him and Robert. When they had Lachlan in the boot and before that mayhem of a car crash. Aaron gets out of his car starts walking into the unnerving woods. Something in his gut tells him something but he can’t place it. 

-/- 

Robert sat down against a old tree, holding his legs shivering cold. Why did he do this? Why did he leave? Why can’t he remember walking away?   
But then it comes to him, he needed to get away from everyone. He needed to get away from John. 

Robert gets up again, starts walking through the darkened wood noting notice the pains in his bare feet. He hates how everything is treating him differently, that he will break any moment. But maybe he will break, he isn’t him anymore, John has taken over him now hasn’t he? 

Robert finds himself at a edge of a quarry. The same quarry Lachlan had Aaron held at the edge, he wished Lachlan pushed him off it. All that pain and suffering- gone. The less heartbreak for Aaron, he would fall out of love from Robert. 

The water nearly looks pitch black, the stars bouncing off the liquid. He could do it. It would be so easy wouldn’t it? To just jump off and he’d suffocate then he’ll be free - properly free.   
Aaron will probably miss him, Robert wonders. Aaron might not even love him, he might say he does but - who would love someone like Robert? He’s a disgusting, disappointment who wrecks everybody’s lives. 

Who deserves to die.   
He did get shot in the chest once didn’t he? So he must deserve to die to deserve this torment. 

But then he hears his voice and it’s like this ton of bricks collapse onto him. 

‘ Come on Robby what do you want to do? ‘ John asks Robert, his voice tight. The blonde looks at him with the same terror in his eyes. 

“ I don’t know. “ He finally says, has to tell him or he’ll hurt Robert again. 

‘ Maybe you should die? ‘   
Robert spins around, nearly falling but composes himself. No. That can’t be - ‘ Yes Robert it’s me. You do remember pushing me into those floorboards don’t you? ‘ she mocked him nastily. 

Katie. 

‘ What happened to you? ‘ Katie mocks. Robert just looks petrified - these two people are here and all he wanted to do was escape. Suddenly he wants Aaron to hold him to protect him. 

‘ Oh Robby. ‘ John smirks. Robert wants to rip his face off.   
‘ What would Aaron do now ay? What would he do without you?’ 

‘ Ah yes, Aaron, I don’t even know why he would want to be with you. ‘ Katie agrees. 

“ Don’t even speak about him! “ Robert yells at them - at him. Robert turns and runs and runs till he feels something wrap around his ankle and he’s screaming bloody murder. The mud and rocks fall over the edge clattering to a stop into the water. 

John’s got him. John’s got his bloody hands wrapped around his ankle and he looks all wrong but he won’t let go. 

“ Get - Get off me!! “ Robert screams distraught, beyond panicking. The flashbacks of John pulling down his briefs, of him touching, kissing - playing with him. 

He wants to vomit and vomit and vomit till John is out of his system. 

Aaron hears this echo, of someone hysterically screaming and shouting. He instantly recognises it. 

Robert’s. 

He bolts through the woods following the deadly screams. It feels like he isn’t breathing, all he can hear is the harsh breaths with the added screams and air going through him. 

“ Robert! “ Aaron shouts whilst running. His heart breaks when it’s just his voice echoing. 

Silence. 

Robert hears his name being called but is it real? He doesn’t know anymore.   
With one final push, he gets away from John and Katie and runs till his body collapses onto the ground. The bandages on his leg and arm starting to tear off, he feels the liquid and blood seeping through. 

Aaron pants heavily, finally finds this body laying on the ground. It’s Robert and he all but bolts towards him panicking. 

“ Rob - Robert - are you okay? “ 

Robert blinks, clings onto Aaron like his life depends on it. Feels all these emotions over him. 

“ Aa-ron he got me - K-atie was here too! “ Robert cried, into Aaron’s chest. “ John touched me - he wouldn’t let me go! “ he whimpered. Aaron rubbed his back, taking note how cold he is. A cold wave goes over him when he sees Robert’s burns starting to look dangerously infected. 

“ They’re not here Robert, they weren’t ever here. “ Aaron assured him calmly, needing to calm himself down and to not frighten Robert up even more. 

Robert didn’t responses, too distressed to comprehend it.  
“ P-please don’t leave me. I know you don’t love me but please don’t leave me, I don’t want to be alone. “ Robert clutched Aaron’s hoodie even more, digging his face into his chest. Aaron frowned deeply, alarmed by his husbands words. 

“ Of course I love you, I love you so much, why would you say that? “ Aaron couldn’t help but sound hurt. 

Robert thinks he doesn’t love him? He really thinks that? Did Aaron do something for him to think Aaron didn’t love him? 

“ because look at me! I’m a mess! Why would you love someone like me who did terrible things? “ Robert heartbrokenly confessed, images of him being assaulted in that shed. 

The things he was forced to do. 

“ Because you are my husband! You are my Robert and you will always will be! “ Aaron passionately confessed, holding his skinny husband even tighter. 

“ I hate this. “ Robert admitted dully, so quietly and sad. “ I want.. I want to be alone. “ 

“ Let’s just get back to the hospital and we can talk more okay? “ 

-/- 

The Doctor walked into Robert’s room with clipboard in hand, he stood at the end of the hospital bed looking at Robert. 

“ Well Mr Sugden, your burns and the rest of your injures were improving but after you leaving yesterday. They have disoriented. They’ve infected, but I’m pleased we’ve caught it in time or you would have sepsis. “ Aaron glanced at Robert burning anger bubbling, his own brush of sepsis coming to mind. “ Please don’t leave again, I’ll be booking you in with a counsellor later this week. “ 

Whole of Robert’s body tensed.   
“ No. “ 

The Doctor frowned at him, Aaron looked at Robert as well noting how he looked even smaller. 

“ Why don’t you want to talk to a counsellor Robert? “ The Doctor, gently asked him patiently. 

Robert wrapped his arms around his legs even more still tensing. He looked around the room feeling like he is an ant.   
“ He’s here? “ it feels like he’s here. He can feel his presence. 

“ No - he’s not here, you are completely safe. Would you like to talk about him? “ The Doctor replied calmly. 

“ No - No! “ Robert yelled, heart thumping out of his chest. He repeatedly hit his fist into the bed, the drugs still taking their toll on him. Aaron got up slid next to his husband to calm him down, gently taking his clenched fists into his. 

“ okay, we can leave it for now okay? When you have processed everything. “ The Doctor informed Robert. 

Robert shook his head again against Aaron’s chest, his body lying against Aaron’s side. The Doctor shared a look to Aaron, the look to show that it will get better. Just hold on in there. 

Aaron isn’t willing to give up on Robert, even when Robert might give up on himself. 

-/- 

“ He’s back now mum, I found him in the woods. His burns and cuts have gotten infected but the nurses cleaned them in time.” Aaron explained to Chas, down the phone. He leant against the wall every now and again glancing through the window to see if Robert is still there. 

“ Thank god, what caused him to leave? “ Chas asked, she sounded confused. 

Aaron sighed. “ I don’t know mum. He’s not well, but he isn’t talking or well in proper words anyway. “ 

“ What do you mean love? “ 

“ when I found him by the quarry he was just saying he wants go be alone, he thinks I don’t love him. “ Aaron’s voice cracked. “ He’s not properly talking to me or anyone. The Doctor said he was going to book him in with a counsellor and Robert just freaked out. Shouting no, and punching his bed. “ 

“ god. “ Unable to say anything else. Aaron glances at the window again seeing Robert getting agitated again. “ look I have to go - “ 

“ wait wait! Liv wants to see Robert. “ 

Aaron sighed conflicted.   
“ I don’t know mum, I don’t want to upset her. “ 

“ Aaron she wants to see him, you can’t stop her. “ 

“ I want to protect her as well, that’s bad to say isn’t it? “ Aaron admitted regretfully. 

“ No, not really love. You are just being the bigger brother. “ 

“ Tell her to come after yeh? “ 

“ okay, tell rob I’m thinking of him. “

Aaron says his goodbyes and walks back into the room finds Robert picking at his skin.   
Aaron gently took Robert’s hand away. “ Hey, don’t do that. “ he whispered gently. Robert didn’t say anything, looked completely indifferent. “ Liv is coming to see you today. “ Aaron lightly said. 

“ Really? “ Robert responded quietly. 

“ Yeh, she misses you. “ 

Robert could barely upturn his lips into a smile. Instead, he rolled into his side back facing Aaron. He doesn’t want to face anyone. 

Aaron looked down at his wedding ring and stood up, placing his hand on Robert’s shoulder. “ Stop trying to shut me out Robert, because I’m not leaving ya. You can try but I won’t be budging. “ he ever so softly placed a kiss to the side of Robert’s head. And left. 

One tear slipped from Robert’s eye. 

-/- 

Hours later, Liv walked into the room and her face light up considering you can see the anxiety radiating off her. 

“ Hiya. “ She smiled nervously, she hugged Robert not noticing the change in expression. 

“ hi. “ Robert replied quietly. It felt good to see her after all this time, it’s only been a week or so but it feels longer. 

“ You Alright? “ 

Robert nodded his head awkwardly. “ yeh fine. “ lies. 

“ Well in college today someone called the teacher a numpty because she was telling the whole class they need to be quiet when they were already quiet! “ Liv smirked, her voice light, obviously trying to distract herself and not just break down. 

“ You shouldn’t be laughing Liv, that’s disrespectful to say that to the teacher. “ Robert told her, for a split second Liv saw the old strict Robert till this shadow came over Robert again. 

“ But I didn’t say it! It was one of the girls! “ 

Robert shrugged his shoulders indifferently. Liv looked down awkwardly. “ I missed you. “ Liv looks back up at his exhausted bruised face. 

Robert weakly smiles. “ me too.” 

“ when’s John going to be sent down then? “ Liv asks, without even thinking about it. She internally bites herself when Robert tenses closing in on himself. “ sorry. “ Liv mumbled. 

“ it’s okay. “ 

Liv looks around the room again, tapping the end of the metal rail before sitting down on the hospital chair to Robert’s left. They stay in silence, not knowing what to say now just awkward. 

“ Aaron is getting some food from the cafe. “ Liv breaks the silence. “ He’s getting you some smoked ham and cheese. Better than the hospital food. “ she jokes. 

“ Yeh, finally getting some good food. “ Robert replies, forcing a light tone. But god - it feels forced. Aaron opened the door with food and drinks in his hands smiling. 

“ Ugh that cafe is heaving! Its only 5 o clock! “ Aaron grumbled, putting the food down into the tray. 

Liv took away the second sandwich for herself. When Robert didn’t take his food Aaron pointedly put his onto Robert’s lap. 

“ You need to eat that. “ Aaron softly said. 

“ I’m m’not hungry. “ 

“ Robert please - Your already skinny as it is. Just eat a little bit. “ Aaron begged gently, ever so softly the voice he uses to coax Robert into doing something. 

Robert sighed heavily. “ Fine. “   
Aaron smiled encouraging him. 

After ten minutes of Aaron and Liv eating their food, Robert sat there barely eating. He couldn’t eat anything or drink, it reminded him of John of how he had to swallow his come. He was put onto a drip, after gagging and vomiting from eating the things. He didn’t tell Aaron ( and everyone else ) because he didn’t want to burden people, it felt like he was betraying John somehow. Even that thought makes him feel ill, hates how he is confused about his cognitive thoughts and emotions. 

“ Are you not hungry? “ Liv said, looking at the hardly touched sandwich. 

“ Err no. Not hungry. “ 

“ But you haven’t - “ 

Like a frizzled wire it sparked. 

“ Liv can you fucking leave it? “ Robert snaps harshly, eyes burning into her. “ I’m sick ‘n’ tired of you lot always pecking my head! Just fuck off. “ 

“ Robert there’s no need to snap at us, we’re just here to support you. “ Aaron calmly told him. Liv walked out of the room, with Aaron following. Robert sighed heavily, pushing the back of his head against the multiple pillows. Why does he have to be like this? Why can’t he just be normal? Pathetic. 

-/- 

( The following day ). 

Two police officers came into Roberts room and he just wanted the ground to swallow him up. He can’t talk about what happened, it hurts too much. 

“ Hello Mr Sugden, we understand the situation but we need a statement off you. As we followed the Doctors orders, but we have waited 3 days as it is. “ one of the female officers firmly told him. 

Aaron huffs. “ Can you not just wait a bit longer? It’s too hard for him to talk - “ 

PC Williams interjects. “ Mr Dingle we must talk to him within the event to 3 days. Before he starts to forget the vital information of what happened. “ 

Robert laughs bitterly. “ How can I forget? “ 

The two police officers share glances before the female one gets out her notebook. 

“ What happened on 16th November 2019 at 6pm? “ 

3 weeks. That was how long he was kidnapped for. 3 bloody weeks. 

“ Aaron go get coffee. “ Robert directed at Aaron without making eye contact. 

“ No I’m fine here thanks. “ 

“ Mr Sugden it may be best to have your husband here to help you. “ PC Williams suggested. Robert sighed, adverted eye contact, his fingers mysteriously interesting all sudden. 

“ Aaron and Liv were going to the Woolie - “ Robert started off quietly. 

“ The Woolpack? “ The female blurted out, confirming. 

Robert nodded his head. “ Yeh. When they left I went to have a shower, for about 10 minutes. When I went downstairs I saw him - J-John. “ his voice became thick. 

Their eyebrows furrowed. “ You didn’t hear him come in? “ 

It felt like they were judging him 

“ No! I was in the shower! “ 

“ and afterwards? “ 

“ He was too quiet! I didn’t know he was down there! “ Robert defensively told them, Aaron felt the panic and plead in his husbands voice. He reached out and grabbed Robert’s hand to comfort him, to calm him down. 

PC Williams shifted. “ Mr Sugden, we aren’t accusing, we just need all the details we possibly need. “ 

Robert took a deep breath, anxiety increasing by the minute. “ When I - went downstairs he was stood there -“ one tear slipped from his eye. “ he was just standing there starring at me and laughing. Then he walked up to me trapping me - I couldn’t do anything! I just felt him on me! “ Robert became distressed, crying whilst he told the officers the night when he didn’t come home. 

“ Hey it’s okay. “ Aaron whispered, pulling Robert into his side when sat on the bed. 

“ In your own time Robert. “ PC Williams smiled encouraging. 

“ Then he kissed me - I tried to move but he - he pushed me further into the wall. “ Aaron has never seen Robert look so vulnerable. 

“ did he say anything to you? “ The female officer responded, looking over her glassess. 

“ Just t-teasing me. “ He mumbled, playing with the loose straps of Aaron’s grey hoodie.   
“ He was saying why did I tell the p-police - and he was being arrogant - a-bout What the jury thought the - the first time round. “ 

“ First time round? When you were age 19? “ 

Robert nodded against Aaron’s chest. 

“ He - I didn’t get justice. “ Robert whispered sadly. 

“ Back to that night, he came to Mill Cottage let himself in, you came down the stairs - John teased you about what happened years ago. Then kissed you? “

“ it wasn’t like that! “ Robert let out frustrated. “ He was mocking me! Making me feel small! “ 

“ Yes, but why would he suddenly kiss you? “ PC Williams responded confused. 

“ Because he’s obsessed! He said I’m his! He was stalking me before he kidnapped me! “ 

“ You filed a report on 14th November 2019 didn’t you? “ The female police officer informed. Robert nodded his head slowly. “ But you told the officers it had been happening 10 days? Why wait? “ 

“ because I only had an suspicion, you wouldn’t have done anything because there wouldn’t have been a trace! “ Robert explained heavily. “ He was still doing it after I told you, he rang me. Sent letters as well. “ he feels this is tearing apart, they won’t believe him. He shouldn’t have left it, all his fault. 

“ Have you still got the letters and the date of call? That is vital to add to the case to get him sent down. “ 

Aaron nodded his head. “ I still have the letters. “ 

“ I don’t know about my phone. “ Robert mumbled. “ I think it might still be at home? I can’t remember. “ 

PC Williams sighed, disappointed. “ You need to try to find it. That is evidence of stalking, which can add to his sentence. “ 

Robert nodded his head, feeling sick with all this. Doesn’t even want to talk about that freak. 

“ What did John do to you when you were kept captive? “ 

Captive. He was held captive, it still doesn’t seem real somehow. Why has this happened to him? Because he’s a bad person. 

Robert shook his head frantically. “ nonono I cant - I can’t. “ turning more into Aaron trying to hide himself. He wants to be sick. 

“ Robert, calm down, we need to know. “ 

“ Just take deep breaths yeh? “ Aaron whispered, near his ear, stroking his husbands arm. 

Robert took a long breath, steadying himself trying to calm himself down. “ He - he kept raping me every single day, giving me drugs and alcohol till I passed out. He made me do things. “ Robert whimpered, ashamed. Disgusted. Aaron didn’t make an attempt to wipe away his falling tears. 

“ what did he make you do Robert? “ PC Williams asked, calmly. 

“ Made - made me cut, burn myself. He used to whip me on my back, he used to b-beat me, made me to swallow his - “ Robert heaved, remembering the sicking feeling afterwards. “ his come. “ disgust laced the words. “ he didn’t let me eat or well h-hardly - he washed me - he didn’t let me leave - I was chained up. “ 

The room fell in silence. 

“ He made me to call him Master. Then he wanted us to leave the country, he went to get my passport and he said he knocked Aaron down ‘cos he caught ‘im. “ Robert explained, his tone dull. “ suddenly he grabbed me and he - he had a gun - I can’t remember! “ Robert raised his voice frustrated and distraught. 

His mind just blank. 

“ Aaron, can you tell us what happened? “ PC Williams asked Aaron, firmly. 

“ John - “ His voice full of resentment. “ Had a gun - he was just waving it ‘round like a loon. Then he started pouring petal over the floor and lit it. “ his voice cracking, trying not to cry. “ Robert was hurt, I heard him screaming and then the roof collapsed. “ 

The police officers nodded taking note of everything.   
“ Did he shoot you? “ 

Aaron shook his head, holding Robert tighter, he could see in his horizon Robert laying against him numbly. 

PC Williams cleared his throat.   
“ Right okay, I think that’s enough for now. We’ll be in touch again for the both of you to make formal statements at us police station. “ 

“ right okay. “ Aaron agreed. 

“ Goodbye. “ they smiled and left them alone. 

Aaron stood up quickly. “ wait - wait! “ they stop walking to look at him to continue. “ what’s going on with John? Has he admitted it it? “ 

PC Williams sighs. “ No, he is saying it’s all consensual. Everything was Robert, he was the one who wanted to go with him. “ 

“ but it wasn’t him! “ Aaron raised his voice angrily. 

“ We know, we have the evidence of rape and the other sustained injuries to Robert. But we still have to take into account of his statement as well. “ PC Williams explained. 

“ will this go to court? “ Aaron asked. 

The two police officers looked apprehensive. “ If John doesn’t play guilty it will go to court for the jury to make an decision. “ 

“ But why? The evidence is there in black and white! “ Aaron told him frustrated. 

“ Even If the evidence is there we still need to look at what Robert and John are saying. The jury need to decide who’s telling the truth. “ PC Williams explained, before looking - nervous. “ there is one way to get John to admit to everything though. “ 

Aaron’s ears pricked up. “ And what’s that? “ 

“ Robert goes to see him. “ 

Robert tensed, curling more in himself. “ nonono. “ he mumbled. 

Aaron looked like he was about to go ballistic. “ I am not having my husband go to see that monster. “ 

“ Robert would have protection around him. “ The female officer informed. 

“ I don’t care! He’s not going to see him, if we have to go to court we will. “ Aaron sternly told them, not understanding that he could some how reason. 

They looked tired. “ Okay, but please just think about it. “ PC Williams directed to Robert. They left afterwards. 

“ I didn’t want you to hear that. “ Robert admitted, quietly, out of the blue. 

Robert feels revolted that Aaron now knows what that man did to him, he feels too exposed. Again. 

“ I’m not gonna leave ya Robert, you didn’t leave me remember? “ 

Robert knew what he was meaning too, back 2 years ago with Gordon. 

“ I’ve already left you. “ Robert told him, depressed. 

Aaron frowned. “ what? “ he said confused. 

“ John has taken over my body, it’s his now, not mine. I’ve already left you Aaron. “ Robert explained, downcast. 

Aaron shook his head in denial, Crystal tears falling down his red puffy cheeks. “ no, I refuse to believe it Robert. You are my husband - mine, he hasn’t taken you okay?! You are you! “ 

“ Stop kidding yourself Aaron. It’s over. It’s my fault. They won’t believe me, just like they didn’t believe me back then. “ 

Back when he raped me the first time. Back when the jury didn’t believe a stupid naive teen, it’s the same again. He’s going to get away with it. 

“ You’ve got more evidence this time! The police have got everything and he will be sent down! If we do go to court the jury will see it’s all him! “ 

Robert shook his head, exhausted. “ leave me alone Aaron. I want to be alone. “ 

“ no I don’t want -“ 

“ I’ve had rest of my choices taken away from me, don’t take this away from me as well. “ 

Aaron sat there hurt.   
That was a low blow.   
Aaron reluctantly left with a heavy heart. What can he do? He can’t refuse his husbands request to leave and to be made out like John? Ignoring his choice? 

Robert wrapped the quilt over himself, let the tears fall like waterfalls. 

Robert crashed around in bed with the quilt falling further down the bed. He was sweating. He was running in darkness, everyone’s voices combing together to make this big loud noise. But, all he saw was John. He was smirking at him, before having a lighter in his hand and - he’s back in that shed with fire all round him. He’s screaming then Aaron’s screaming. Gun shots firing. Images of mum dying - 

“ MUM!!! “ Robert screams, bolting up in bed. 

Two nurses rushed into his room, in emergency mode. Aaron bolted up from the hospital chair as well. 

“ Robert? Are you okay? “ Aaron asked him, sleep vivid in his voice. 

“ what happened? Was it another nightmare? “ The Male nurse asked, he brought the quilt up to Robert but he was curling himself into a ball scared. 

“ nonono don’t touch me - get get away. “ 

“ Robert? It’s okay, he’s here to help - “ 

“ no no he’s - he’s - “ 

The female nurse turned to the man realising. “ It’s best if you go, tell the doctors to only bring female nurses when he is distraught or another female with them on other occasions. “ 

Aaron had already tucked Robert away with him laying on Aaron’s chest. Robert needs comfort, to feel at least little bit safe. His safe place is Aaron. 

“ Sshh just go back to sleep now Robert. He’s not here okay? I’ll protect ya. “ Aaron whispered to his husband as he felt him go limp against him, sleeping. 

Robert slowly woke up the following morning aching. He still remembers the nightmare ( or nightmares ). He’s never going to be free is he? He realises that Aaron is still there, on the bed holding him. Robert weakly smiles to feel his husband on him, to smell his cologne. 

It’s home. 

Soon after Aaron wakes up, him too smiling softly waking up to Robert against him. “ you okay? Is this okay? “ Aaron asks, needing to be sure of Robert being comfortable. 

“ Yeh. It’s perfect. “ Robert admits quietly. 

The Doctor interrupts their little moment, Aaron goes to get off the bed only to have Robert grab onto him. 

“ Mr Sugden, I heard you had a nightmare last night? “ 

Robert slowly nods his head. “ yeh. Similar as the other ones. “ 

“ They will get better in time. “ the doctors suspects. “ We need to look at your burns, as they were second degree burns. “ 

Robert doesn’t say anything. He moves so the doctor can get to him. Aaron sits on the chair still holding Robert’s hand. “ Do you want me to do it or a female nurse to do it for you? “ 

Robert looks awkward. Embarrassed. “ Err you can - I would still feel uncomfortable regardless. “ Robert admits, somewhere in his voice is bitterness. 

The Doctor nods, starts to unwrap the bandage on Robert’s leg, he winces. The air hitting the blisters. It becomes even more itchy. 

“ Ah, it’s getting on very nicely. “ He says pleased. It still looks an angry, bright red shiny colour with parts of black on. But it looks a lot better than it did before. “ The antibodies are working the infection, and it is healing nicely. “ 

“ Will it leave a scar? “ Aaron asked him, without meaning to. 

“ Yes, only parts of the outlines.” 

Robert stayed quiet. Even more numb. 

“ And the ones on his arm? “ 

“ I am going to check those now. “ The Doctor responded. He put new bandages on Robert’s leg with some cream and then doing the same thing to Robert’s arm. “ It looks the same as the one on the thigh, I’m pleased they’re healing. However, you need to carry on applying antiseptic cream onto them as well as the new bandages. I’ll also advise you to wear loose clothing as to not aggravate the burns. “ 

“ How long for? “ Aaron asks for them, noting Robert’s uneasy quietness. 

“ 6 to 10 weeks I’ll say. It may be shorter or longer depending on the recovery of the burns. “ explained the doctor. 

“ And the rest of Robert’s injuries-? “ 

“ they will all mark, the scar tissue can’t be replaced as it is not damaged enough for a operation. It will need time to heal. “ 

Robert wanted to freak out. He felt himself losing control. 

“ I can discharge you tomorrow, as you are not a high risk anymore. Have you thought about counselling Robert? “ The Doctor directed at him, knowing he hasn’t said a word. 

Robert shook his head. 

“ I do highly advise it, I’ll give you Mrs Thomson’s number whenever you are ready for an appointment. “ 

Robert nodded again. When the doctor silently left, Robert turned to his side and ignored the world. 

-:- 

Robert was coming home today and Aaron more than happy to have his husband coming home, So is Liv to have her brother back. But Robert? He was dreading it. The exact same place where John was, where he knocked Robert unconscious and forced kissed him. 

Aaron drove him back to Emmerdale, Robert hated how it went too quickly for his liking. They walked into the living room and Robert began to shake even more. He could hear John’s voice, flashbacks of him kissing him and him falling unconscious- 

“ Robert? Do you want to sit down? “ Aaron patiently asked, before guiding him to the sofa and then making his husband a cup of tea. 

“ Do you want anything to eat? “ Aaron called over from the kitchen, desperately trying to fill the tense silence in the living room. He looked in all the cupboards and sighed. 

there’s no food. He doesn’t want to leave Robert. Even if Liv is here. Maybe he could pop to David’s? 

Aaron sighed heavily, walking over to the sofa as Robert didn’t move. “ I have to go to David’s, i won’t be long and Liv would will be here. “ 

Robert looked at him. “ What you getting? “ 

god. He looked dreadful. Aaron tried not to dwell on it. 

“ Food. Drinks. We’ve ran out. “ 

Robert slowly moved back to his original stiff position. “ okay. “ Aaron shared an anxious look to Liv before leaving, being more quick than usual. 

Robert sat quietly on the sofa with his feet under himself as he kept looking around scared. Liv was sitting opposite him on her phone every now and then glancing at him. She was anxious about him, as he looked like he was about to bolt out of the living room. Aaron came in with two full shopping bags of food and the wind accidentally blew the door shut making Robert jump like a cat. The bang making Robert have a flashback, making him feel he was back at that shed again with John or master as he keeps calling him. 

Robert began to silently rock backwards and forwards mumbling under his breath. He looked traumatised. Liv sat still, stunned, never experienced someone having a panic attack before. Aaron stilled, mentally kicking himself for being so careless for a nanosecond.

Aaron jogged to his husband frightened seeing Robert’s eyes glazed over. 

‘ Come on I know you want this too Robby. ‘ John smirked taking off Robert’s briefs pushing down the man as he fought against him. 

“ Nonnonono, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, do-don’t hurt me, “ he mumbled voice cracking, flinching when Aaron gently touched his arm. 

‘ All mine you are Robby. ‘ John purred stroking Robert’s cock ignoring Robert laying there numbly. 

“ Rob, your not with John anymore okay? Just hear my voice okay? “ Aaron told him, trying to get him back to reality but he just continued to rock.

‘ FASTER! COME ON ROBERT! BE A GOOD SLUT YOU ARE AND COME! ‘ 

“ I - don’t want it M-master, p-please sto-op, I - I want Aaron.” Robert whimpered, into his knees shaking feeling Masters hands over his skin, his hot nasty breath against his neck. 

He wants to cut himself so badly to make everything stop. To make Master stop. 

Aaron blinked away tears hearing his husband relive   
through what happened to him. Because it is so horrific, it brings back Aaron’s own memories of Gordon. He pushes that aside can’t loose focus when his husband is having another panic attack. 

“ Rob? It’s Aaron, your at the Mill - “ 

‘ I’ll always be here. ‘ 

“ Aaron? “ Robert whimpered, he sounded like a little lost boy. Maybe he is? Maybe he is lost? 

Aaron watery smiled at him. “ Yeh Robert It’s Aaron. “ 

“ P-please don’t leave me - again, J-John was getting me - a-and he go-going to - “ He started to go into another panic attack. He was gasping through words. 

“ Breath, breath with me okay?” He told him gently. “ Your safe remember? “ 

‘ Robert, Robert, Robert What a silly boy you are. ‘ John repeated smirking with a fake kind voice. 

Robert shook his head frantically. “ No, no M-aster ! “ 

Aaron quietly told Liv to go upstairs not wanting her to hear what Robert is saying, too distressing for her. She was on the verge of tears. 

“ John isn’t here Robert anymore, just listen to me - “ Aaron told him again gently. 

“ Don’t leave me. “ Robert whispered crying softly. 

“ I will never leave you okay? “ The brunette told Robert firmly yet the smooth confidence broke through. “ Do you know where you are? “ 

“ T-the Mill. “ Robert answered still spaced out. 

“ With who? “ 

“ A-Aaron and l-Liv “ 

Not noticing her leave. How he was cradled in his husbands arms, all he felt was John’s hands over him. 

“ Who’s Aaron? “ 

Knowing the Doctors told him to say that because Robert can still see John and sometimes the brain can trick him into thinking it’s John not really Aaron. 

“ M-my husband. “ 

Aaron’s eyes fill up with tears dropping down onto his hands. 

“ Good Rob, want to tell me what happened? “ he asked gently, nearly apprehensive. 

Robert still held his knees to his chest starring at anything but Aaron. “ I - I was at the shed a-again and J-John was in a mood - “ he painfully told Aaron speaking to him quietly. “ He - he burst op-pen the door and y-yanked down my - pants - “ Robert started to cry silently, Aaron blinked away his own tears and sat next to his husband asking if he can hold his hand. “ He - was r-aping me for - hours - playin’ with m-me h-hurting me -“ he couldn’t go on anymore the memories and internal pain too much for Robert to handle.   
Robert hysterically cried into Aaron’s chest unable to breathe, he felt suffocated with the images and feelings and all he wanted to do was scream. 

Robert pushed Aaron away panicking leaping up from the couch running towards the kitchen as Aaron followed him crying. 

“ I can’t - I need - “ Robert muttered to himself and got out the kitchen knife holding it till his knuckles went white. Aaron’s face paled. 

“ No, Robert, don’t - please don’t hurt yourself. “ Aaron begged, pleaded. He can’t move feet glued to the floor, not wanting Robert to make a hasty decision from the sudden movement. Robert looks like a frightened puppy. 

Robert shook his head frantically he was shrugging to breathe. “ I need it Aaron! I need it so fucking bad! “ Robert screamed from the internal agony. Before Aaron could do anything Robert cut himself on his arm deep. Aaron ran towards him yanking the knife off him and throwing it onto the counter. Aaron’s own heart beating as he wrapped a towel around his husband arm.   
Aaron gripped onto him when they both slid down the counter, Robert now brokenly crying against his husbands chest.   
He hates how it makes him better from the agonising pain. He welcomes it. He’s just a mess, his body is a mess - John messed him up till he become nothing but a traumatic hassle. 

Aaron silently cried against Robert pressing hard against the cut to stop the bleeding.   
Robert is completely broken isn’t he?

“ Robert please just talk to me -“ he chokes out pleading. 

Robert shook his head slowly.   
“ I don’t want to talk - talk ‘bout Jo-master ever. “ he declared quietly, scared. 

“ Rob you need - “ 

“ No! I can’t - I won’t - “ Robert raises his voice. Aaron saw the inner plead of ‘ help me ‘ in his eyes. 

“ Rob you need help. “ 

“ he’s everywhere Aaron! “ Robert declared through broken sobs. “ I can’t talk to anyone when he’s here! “ 

Aaron frowned. “ he isn’t here Rob, he’s in prison - “ 

“ IN HERE! “ Robert screams jabbing his fist into his head hitting himself crying furiously when Aaron battled with him to stop punching himself in the head. Robert got to his feet angrily walking to the door before doubling back on himself. So much anger, guilt, hatred fighting and he didn’t know what to do. Master always told him what to do and what to say and now he isn’t here. What is he meant to do? Robert kicks over the table not processing what he is doing or how Aaron backed away. The table now broken. He doesn’t care. He can’t find the strength to care about the bloody table. 

“ Rob just calm down for me yeh? “ Aaron calmly told him scared for him and himself. 

“ HOW CAN I BE CALM AARON? TELL ME HOW I CAN BE CALM? “ Robert kicked the wall can’t control himself. He hears Master, just Master and it won’t go away, why won’t he just go away! 

Leave   
Just leave   
You need to run. Master is going to get you.   
GO 

Robert runs out of the Mill barefoot already shrugging for breath. Is that because he is too skinny? Or is it the drugs? Maybe it’s Master taking over him? 

“ ROBERT WILL YOU STOP! “ 

But all he hears is Master needs to run faster till his feet bleed. That’s what Master wants isn’t it? He wants Robert to suffer and now Robert welcomes the pain. Master has a warped mind and he’s tainted Robert’s with poison. 

Robert jumps when he’s being yanked to a stop now panting furiously with sweat dripping down his back. 

“ Don’t hurt me - “ Robert pants out scared he sees Masters face but it looks wrong, everything looks so so wrong. 

Aaron manages to control his breathing and takes Robert’s hand into his own with a loose a hold. “ It’s me, Aaron, Robert. John isn’t here anymore. “ 

Robert softly cries. “ He is though! “ 

“ I promise you with all my heart he isn’t here, it’s just you and me. “ 

“ He hurt me so much Aaron. “ Robert collapses into Aaron’s chest dampening his husbands hoodie. Aaron held him tighter rubbing circles onto Robert’s arm. 

“ I know baby. “ Aaron whispers not taking into note of the slip of the nickname. But Robert liked it, finally, for a second, made him feel loved again. 

Only for a second. 

“ come on Rob, let’s go home yeh? “ Aaron requests tiredly but not giving up. Robert nods against his chest and they silently walk back to the Mill, Robert feeling absolutely guilty and numb. 

Out of it. 

He doesn’t remember getting into the house. Sitting on the sofa as Aaron got the antithetic wipes started cleaning his bleeding feet. Robert didn’t move, his eyes glazed over unfocused.   
He blinked suddenly coming out of his head when he noticed Aaron wasn’t with him anymore, his feet were in thin bandages as well as his arm. He looked round and there he was in the kitchen sitting at the table. 

Just sitting there. 

All this is my fault, Robert thought. Why does he have to be so dramatic? Why can’t he just toughen up and get over it? 

Robert looks down at his hands at his fingers digging into his palm, he unclenches them and sees the red marks present.   
Pathetic. 

Aaron looks at Robert noticing he is back in the now, looking around confused. “ Are you with me now Rob? “ He asks him, scared. 

Robert frowns, he shakily gets up from the sofa taking a quick glance around the room for him to be there. But he isn’t. He never was. 

Another torture for him then. 

“ what do you mean? “ Robert asks quietly. 

Aaron sighs softly. “ your eyes were glazed over and when I tried bringing you out of it. You started crying, screaming, shouting and shaking. I couldn’t control ya. I couldn’t do anything. “ Aaron confesses heartbroken. 

Robert sits there stunned. He can’t even remember that. He doesn’t remember anything since being outside. Why can’t be just be normal? 

“ I’m sorry. “ 

I’m sorry for being like this.   
I’m sorry for everything.   
I’m sorry I didn’t die. 

“ You have nothing to be sorry for Rob. “ Aaron firmly told him but his voice was gentle and soft. 

Robert didn’t say anything. 

“ Do you want to tell me what happened? “ Aaron asks him hesitantly. 

“ No. “ 

“ Rob, it’s okay to talk, your not some pathetic victim. “ 

Robert harshly pushed his chair away from the kitchen table.   
“ I’m not a victim! I’m nothing! I’m not me Aaron! John took me away and I’m nothing! “ Robert yells at him coldly, believes it.   
He suddenly looks defeated.   
“ Let’s face it, you lost your husband when he took me that first night. I’m tainted. “ Robert walked away leaving Aaron to break down into a heart wrenching sob. His husbands words stabbing at his heart and repeating in his head. 

-/- 

Liv walked down the stairs quietly and walked up to her brother seeing that he has been crying. She didn’t hear him coming up the stairs yesterday, assuming Aaron slept down here on the couch. Which explains the pillows and blanket sitting there. 

“ is he okay? “ Liv asked him, concerned. All this bringing back the memories of the Gordon trial. 

Aaron nodded his head sniffling whilst wiping away his tears.   
“ yeh he’s fine. “ He replied back hoarsely. 

“ But yesterday he was having a panic attack and I heard shouting. “ 

Aaron sighed softly. “ He wasn’t okay, no, but when we got back after he ran out, he had another flashback. I couldn’t bring him out of it and then he said some words and left to go upstairs. “ he explained heavily. 

Liv’s eyebrows crinkled on against her forehead. “ What did he say? “ 

“ It doesn’t matter, I don’t want you worrying. You need to focus on college. “ Aaron tells her. 

“ how can I? How can I focus on work when Robert is - so fragile?” 

Aaron hates to admit it but - Rob is fragile isn’t he? He’s bound to be. It feels wrong. Robert was always so strong and confident and happy till John came along. 

It all leads back to John. 

“ I’m sorry. “ Liv apologises, seeing Aaron’s fallen face. 

“ It’s okay, your gonna be late for college. “ 

Liv nods her head slowly, looking like she wants to protest but does what Aaron says. She walks out slamming the door shut as Aaron falls back against the counter and breathes heavily. He makes his husband a cup of tea and walks up the spiral staircase hoping he’s okay, they’re okay. 

Even when he feels like Robert is slipping away from him, from their marriage. 

Aaron pushes the door open with his hip and smiles softly when Robert is fast asleep in bed. On Aaron’s side of the bed. Aaron loves watching Robert sleep ( when Rob doesn’t have his horrendous nightmares), Aaron still threads his fingers through Robert’s hair when he’s sleeping. He can’t help it, he is his husband and he still wants to touch him and kiss him. Aaron wouldn’t dare to push Robert for it though, he wouldn’t even think of being intimate with him because Robert isn’t even ready. Aaron will wait for him, like what Robert did to him during the Gordon trail. 

‘ I’ll wait for you. ‘ 

Aaron kneels down to be face to face with him he gently shakes Robert awake calmly calling him. 

“ Rob - Robert wake up - “ 

Robert groans moves to lay on his back. He slowly wakes up and rubs his eyes smiles softly seeing Aaron now sitting next to him. 

“ Mornin’ “ Robert whispers, a wave of softness and love brushing off him. 

Aaron reflects the smile slowly reaches over holds Robert’s hand, stroking his wedding finger with his thumb.   
This reminds him of the old Robert, the happy Robert before all this. He doesn’t want this image to go away. 

“ morning. “ He murmurs. “ You had a good sleep? “ 

Robert shrugs his shoulders.   
“ It was okay. “ he quietly tells him. He dreamt of being with John again. It wasn’t as bad as the other times. 

“ Good. “ Aaron said. 

Robert cleared his throat before propping onto his elbow looking at Aaron’s face. The anxiety raising higher becoming to feel panicky when trying to get his words out. 

Aaron stroked gently against his husbands arm. “ It’s okay take your time. “ he whispers softly. 

“ I’m sorry about yesterday -“ 

“ You’ve got nothing to be sorry for - “ 

Robert squeezed Aaron’s bicep, a silent ply to stop talking. “ I was harsh on ya, I - I shouldn’t have reacted like that but it was - it was true. “ because it is all my fault for upsetting you, you should have moved on. You don’t need someone like me, Robert wanted to say. 

Aaron looked down for a second before his eyes following back up to Robert’s face. “ You need to stop apologising Robert, coming back here maybe was too much for you wasn’t it? I’m I making you worse? “ Aaron painfully asked him, his own insecurities running up to the surface. 

Robert sat up holding Aaron’s hands tightly, none of this is his fault it’s Robert’s, he was the one who couldn’t fight back at John. He was the one who exposed him back in London, all this is his fault. When he was repeatedly tortured by that monster - he deserved it. 

He deserved all of it. 

“ Aaron, don’t, it’s not you okay? None of this is you. “ Robert reassured Aaron, because he can’t let Aaron go back to those dark thoughts again because of him. 

“ I just want to help ya - “ 

“ and you are. “ 

Aaron nodded his head, looking bit unconvinced but not pushing Robert further. 

“ Do you want breakfast? “ Aaron asks him, changing the subject from the way Robert becomes too quiet. 

Robert shrugs a shoulder.   
“ not really hungry. “ he plays with the bottom of his jumper. 

“ You need to eat. “ Aaron points out, all motherly like. 

Robert sighs. “ I’ll have some toast. “ 

“ Good. “ Aaron smiles, pleased. “ You want some coffee or tea as well? “ 

“ tea. “ 

Aaron gets up from the double bed and makes his way downstairs, Robert watches on dully. He feels this cloud over him and making him feel trapped all the time. It’s like he is waiting for something to happen. Robert sighs heavily and goes to the bathroom locks the door shut, his black bee honey shaped jumper covers his whole body from the waist upwards. He takes it off and the mirror reflects his body and he hates it. He wants to smash the mirror into thousands of tiny pieces. He hates his body, the scars and the burns on his arms, stomach, neck, back, thighs and leg. His body is ruined, just like him. He’s nothing. His fingers go over the scars feels all the different shapes and the ragged skin, indifferent from the smooth skin he used to have. 

The door handle moves and makes him jump a mile. 

“ Robert? What you doing? “ Aaron calls scared, hearing silence and the slight noises coming from Robert. 

“ Nothing. “ Robert calls back, not wanting to let Aaron know what he’s doing. 

“ Well your breakfast is ready now. “ Aaron tells him nearly awkwardly. 

Robert sighs, pulls his jumper back over him and unlocks the door and is met with Aaron looking worried. 

“ I haven’t done anything. “ Robert sighs knowing what Aaron is thinking. He brushes past him and walks downstairs. 

“ what were you doin’ in there then?” Aaron asks him, sitting opposite his husband on the kitchen table. 

“ Nothing much. “ 

“ Robert, please talk to me. “ 

Robert sighs heavily. “ I was just looking in the mirror. “ 

“ for 10 minutes? “ 

It was that long? 

“ Yeh. “ 

Aaron nodded his head, looking defeated. “ You promise me you didn’t hurt yourself? “ again. 

“ I promise. “ 

Aaron nodded his head slowly letting it go but something in Aaron’s face was unconvinced. They didn’t say anything for a while Aaron watching Robert eat and drink his tea, knowing he is in a daze. 

“ what happened yesterday, did you mean it? “ Aaron asked hesitant. 

He frowned, putting down his mug onto the table. “ About What? “ he barely remembers what happened last night. 

“ about John tainting ya and how you are nothing. You really believe that? “ Aaron reminded him, knowing the memory loss can be severe or mild. 

“ yeh. “ Robert replies deadly. No point in denying it. 

Something in Aaron makes Robert feel terrible like his heart just snapped. 

“ What happened to me I felt the same you know? I felt I wasn’t me, but I was so wrong. I always me Robert, i was just lost. “ Aaron told him sincerely, needing Robert to know he’s not alone. 

“ your point? “ Robert mutters not wanting to hear this. The thoughts in his head too loud. 

Aaron sighed quietly closing his eyes. “ My point is you will feel you again, you will recover from what that man did to ya. “ 

“ I don’t think I will Aaron, I think he’s truly broken me and I don’t see a way out anymore. “ 

“ a way out from what Robert? “ Aaron repeated, a sickening feeling going over him. 

Robert chickens out, he’s said too much. “ it doesn’t matter. “ 

“ no rob - “ 

“ Aaron leave it! “ Robert snaps, suddenly turning angry. Robert leaves Aaron downstairs as he storms upstairs needing to be alone. 

Everything feels so grey. Will they ever see the colour again? 

Aaron looks down blinking away tears his chest closing in one him. The dark memories of Gordon and the trial flooding back to his mind and he hates it. Like this dirty feeling going over him, he knows what he needs to do. 

“ Hello? Can I make an appointment with Lorna Sharp please? “ 

/-/ 

Aaron takes a deep breath, feeling even nervous than before. He puts his phone into his pocket and walks up the stairs needing to find Robert, who is laying in their bed. 

Aaron walks to Robert’s side of the bed and crouches down to his level, looking those empty sad blue/green eyes. 

“ Rob? I’m going out for bit, okay? I try to not be long. “ Aaron tells him, not wanting to leave him but he also needs to support himself. 

Robert peaks from under the quilt and looks at him nearly panicking. “ where are you going? “ 

“ I’m going to my counselling appointment. “ Aaron explains. “ but I can reschedule- “ 

“ no no it’s okay, I know you need to go it’s fine. “ Robert tells him in a small voice. 

“ I’ll get Vic or mum to see you, keep you company if you want? “ 

“ I don’t mind. “ Robert shrugs.   
“ I probably won’t be much fun anyway. “ who would want to waste their time on him? 

Aaron’s face shifts, the lonely words from his husband making him feel so sad. Instead, he nods his head and stands up before hesitating. 

“ Rob? “ 

“ yeh? “ Robert replies confused, voice on edge. 

“ can kiss you on your hand? “ Aaron asks, needs to feel his husband, needs him to know Aaron loves him. 

“ okay then. “ Robert whispers back, tenses from instinct by the contact. 

“ sorry. “ Aaron apologies, guilty. The panic visible in his voice. “ I just wanted to show you I still love you. “ knowing it helped him during the Gordon trial, the little gestures like holding hands, loose hugs or little pecks on the head or forehead. It made him feel safe, especially when Robert was the one who did it, he hopes Robert knows he still loves him. Doesn’t see him any differently, but a small, small part of him does.   
One of the reasons why he needs to speak to Lorna. 

Robert sees his husbands fallen face, hatred running through Robert’s veins causing his husband more pain. All he wants to do is hold his hand. 

“ Sorry, I love you too. “ Robert forces a smile on his face. Aaron’s face softens, before leaving and grabbing his keys and heading to his car for the appointment. 

Robert sighs heavily, the house too quiet now. It feels like there is loads of eyes on him, watching his every move. What if John set up cameras here? What if he is watching him? Robert shakes his head at his own thoughts, gets up from the bed and walks into the bathroom. 

‘ Silly little boy. ‘ 

Robert spins round at his voice gobsmacked. 

‘ But your with me now. ‘ John grinned stepping closer and closer and closer to the violently shaking Robert. 

“ NOOO! “ Robert screamed, going through him and ran to the half empty closest on the landing. He shut the door, hugging his shaking legs hearing his own harsh breaths. 

‘ Why you hiding there Robby? ‘ John laughed at him. ‘ You want as little space for us do ya? ‘ 

“ nononono. “ Robert whimpered, ignoring the falling tears down his cheeks. His whole body tensing till it aches.   
He jumped against the wall by the contact on his cheek, crying softly as John continued to stroke his cheek. 

“ Robert?! “ 

Robert gasped conflictediry

‘ Ignore It Robby. ‘ John warned darkly. 

“ no no I can’t. “ Robert whimpered. 

“ Robert where are you? “ The voice came near and near. 

‘ You STUPID BOY! ‘ 

Robert cried harder, more distressed. 

“ Robert? “ The woman said, stunned to see the man curled in a small ball shaking against the wall. She crouched down wincing when he flinched violently away from her. “ Hey, hey it’s okay, it’s Vic. “ 

Robert rosed his head a little bit seeing the woman nearly crying. “ Vic? “ he whimpered. 

“ Yeh Rob, it’s Vic. “ Victoria repeated gently, heartbroken. 

“ Vic! “ Robert burst into new set of tears, thrilled that she is here. He lunged for Victoria and hugged her tightly, basically clinging onto her. Victoria rubbed his back soothingly as he cried into her shoulder. 

“ It’s okay, it’s going to be okay Rob. “ 

-/-

Lorna smiled politely, letting Aaron into the room.   
“ hello Aaron, how are you? “ she starts off, notebook and pen sitting on the desk beside her untouched. She does that now when Aaron has an appointment with her, when he once said it feels like a doctors appointment and she’s just writing down the symptoms. 

Aaron rubs his clammy hands against his thighs nervously.   
“ I -“ He clears his throat, thankful Lorna is being patient. “ my husband has been - “ the words get stuck in his throat, begging himself to not burst out crying. Why is he like this? “ He’s been held captive for 3 weeks whilst being tortured. “ he explains heavily, can’t make eye contact with her. 

“ I heard about it on the news, I’m sorry to hear about it. You must be angry about the situation. “ Lorna comments gently. 

Aaron scoffs bitterly. “ Angry is an understatement. “ 

“ How do you feel then? “ 

“ Hatred, livid, guilty, helpless. “ 

Lorna frowns a little bit.   
“ Guilty? “ she repeats. “ were you the one that caused your husband to be kidnapped. “ 

Aaron frowned harshly.   
“ No! Of course not! “ 

“ then why do you feel guilty? “ 

Aaron sighs heavily. “ Because I wasn’t there to stop it happening. I left Robert on that last night and he took him. I should have stayed to protect him. “ 

“ You weren’t to know your husband was going to be kidnapped. “ 

“ But I should’ve known! I’m his husband! “ 

“ Just because you are his husband Aaron, doesn’t mean you can see into the future. “ Lorna tells him calmly. “ Hindsight is a wonderful thing, but you couldn’t have done anything because you didn’t know he was with Robert. “ 

“ I knew rob was getting stalked and been sent letters for weeks. I felt I should have been with him more. “ 

“ He is a grown man, you can’t stay with him throughout the day. Again, you weren’t to know Robert was going to get kidnapped. “ 

“ no. “ Aaron replied quietly, deep down he knows it isn’t his fault. But it is so much harder to accept that. 

“ How’s Robert doing? “ 

“ Not coping. “ Aaron tells Lorna. “ He has panic attacks, or goes into headspace. He’s broken. “ 

“ He’ll have time to recover. “ 

“ I know, but it, just feels like I’ve lost my husband. “ Aaron admits painfully. 

“ why do you feel like that? You got him back and he’s save with you and Liv now? “ 

“ But he isn’t is he? Yesterday he had a major panic attack and cut himself, ran out of the house. He told me john will always be with him. “ 

“ He needs to get comfortable in the new environment, he needs support around him. I’m not saying it’ll be easy but pain will heal. “ 

“ I hate seeing him like this. “ Aaron chokes out, wiping away his tears. “ I want my old husband back. “ 

“ You can’t bring back the past Aaron, you need to find the new Robert who will survive this and move on. “ 

-/- 

‘ pathetic boy. ‘ John stood over Robert ashamed. Robert pulled out of his sisters hold and cried hysterically. 

“ Please just leave me alone! “ 

Victoria stood beside him anxiously, wanting to touch him but also not wanting to trigger him further. 

“ Robert? John isn’t here. “ Victoria tried to calm him. 

‘ Of course I am. ‘ 

Robert turned to her and stabbed his finger into the direction of John. When Victoria looked there wasn’t anything there. 

“ He’s right there Vic! You need to go! He’s ready wrecked me he can’t wreck you! “ 

Victoria walked up to him and placed her hand onto his shoulders. “ He isn’t here Robert, it’s only me and you standing here. “ 

Robert shook his head frantically. “ no! Why don’t you believe me! “ he whimpered. 

“ Okay, Okay, What about you go downstairs and I’ll have a look around the house Yeh? “ Victoria suggested. 

“ I can’t. I don’t want him to hurt ya, he’s already ruined me I don’t you to be like me. “ 

“ You know I can throw a hefty punch when I need to yeh? “ Victoria lightly joked, felt even better when Robert weakly smiled. “ I’ll be fine, go on go downstairs and I’ll check the house. “ 

“ Okay. “ Robert whispered, making his way downstairs. 

Victoria took a deep breath from trying not to sob. The aching pain in her chest expanding. She gets her phone out of her pocket and texts Aaron. 

‘ Robert has had another panic attack, he saw John and it taken ages to calm him down. He needs ya. ‘ 

Victoria took another deep breath and headed downstairs to comfort her brother. 

“ See? Nothin here, just us two. “ Victoria smiled happily, it felt forced. Robert looked at her and nodded vulnerably. 

“ Are you sure? “ 

“ yep. “ Victoria sat down next to him. “ Do you want anything to eat? “ 

Robert shrugged, feels weird to eat these days. 

“ If you don’t want anything big you could always have a little snack then? “ 

Robert played with the rim of his sleeve and nodded numbly.   
“ I’ll have some biscuits then. “ 

‘ fatty Robby. ‘ 

Robert jumped turned to the front door scared. 

“ You said he wasn’t here! “ Robert panicked, shrugging to breathe. Victoria walked to him and let him sit back down again. 

“ It’s a humiliation, he is in prison Robert. “ 

“ but he - he is there! “ Robert choked out. 

Victoria shook her head.   
“ He has never been here. Focus on something happy Yeh? Don’t think about that man. “ 

And yeh, harder said than done. 

-:- 

“ I do see him differently. “ Aaron confessed to Lorna. Saying it out loud felt like he was betraying his husband. 

“ why? “ Lorna pushes. 

“ because he looks different, he’s skinnier, scars and burns over him. “ Aaron explains. “ every time I see my husband I see what that bastard did to him. “ 

“ Maybe you are telling yourself he is different because you know how he was treated? “ Lorna explained. 

Aaron sighed. “ I don’t know, I feel like I can’t do anything right.” 

“ But you are Aaron, you look after him when he’s having panic attacks or nightmares. You been with him ever since he was found. “ 

Aaron’s face shifts, seems like he can’t hear that. “ Robert was good with me, during Gordon’s trial. He was good with words, and always knew how to comfort me. I feel like I’m not doing anything. “ 

Lorna’s face shifted. “ Aaron you can’t compare yourself to others, you need to comfort Robert your way and not try to copy others supporting techniques. “ 

Aaron sighed. “ I know that, but I feel that I’m just not helping him. “ 

“ you feel helpless, but you need to try to comfort him when he needs you or doesn’t. Robert needs to know you are there regardless, I suggest you to Google websites on how to help loved ones. “ Lorna smiled politely. “ I suggest you to carry on with counselling, you need to support yourself whilst supporting Robert. “ 

Aaron nodded his head slowly.   
“ I think I might need it. “ 

-:- 

Aaron got into his car, resting his head against the headboard. He looks at the lock screen with Victorias message and instantly feels the blood drain from his face. 

He drives faster than normal, not caring about the speed cameras till he gets to Emmerdale.   
Aaron opens the door and feels at least bit relieved to see Robert sitting on the sofa eating something. He looks okay. Aaron doesn’t get the chance to walk any further when he feels this force against him. Robert hugging the life out of him, his hands clinging onto the back of his purple hoodie.   
Aaron rubbed his husbands back, looking at his sister in law his eyes showing concern and confusing. 

“ Hey, I’m back now it’s okay. “ Aaron whispered in his ear. 

“ I missed you so much Aaron, he was here, he came back. “ Robert whispered, terrified. 

“ He’s in prison Rob. He can never hurt you again. “ Aaron promised. 

“ How do you know? Didn’t you say that ages ago? “ 

That felt like a bullet to the chest. 

Aaron held his husband tighter and didn’t let go. 

-:- 

Robert stared outside, the black covering the earth around him. The shining stars twinkling in the sky, like little holes in the galaxy. The silence settling in nearly crushing him, it feels like everything is becoming bigger and he’s getting smaller and smaller. He can’t sleep. He can’t sleep next to Aaron in a bed, it’ll remind him of John.   
He would sometimes sleep next to Robert after hours of repeated torture and would hold him as he slept. Everything reminds Robert of him. He can’t do anything anymore, it feels like he has died.   
Robert sighs heavily, turns his back from outside and looks around the bedroom. Everything screams Robert, of the old happy Robert. He’s not him anymore. Robert hates John for that.   
The blonde slowly opens the door subconsciously waiting for Master to be there, like when Robert was in that damp room. Robert would wake up and jump a mile when John was sat ( or stood ) starring at him with that same fucking creepy smile. 

He walks down the stairs quietly, needing to be quiet for Master. Robert looks over at Aaron sleeping on the couch, wrapped up in the duvet. Robert weakly smiles at him. Robert still loves his husband, Master hasn’t taken that away but he has taken everything else away from him.   
He walks over to the kitchen, opens the draw full of kitchen knives. He so desperately needs to hurt himself, the itching sensation under his skin nibbling away. It helps. The burning stinging helps the pain to fade away, hurting himself during those 3 weeks helped Robert to survive. It helped Robert. He doesn’t know if he can stop. The next thing he is doing is bringing the knife to his stomach - 

“ Please stop. “ 

Aaron. 

Aaron speaks so soft, so gently, so fucking sad it breaks Robert’s stone cold heart into pieces 

Robert doesn’t turn, stands there still like a building. “ how long have you been standing there for? “ he asks on edge, didn’t even hear Aaron wake up or make a noise. Was he watching Robert the whole time? 

“ I heard moving, I woke up and saw the glint of the knife. “ Aaron replies, quietly. He creeps closer to his husband till he slowly ( and ever so gently ) takes the knife off him. Aaron places the knife back into the cupboard and turns to Robert, who stands there so numbly. 

“ You should leave me. “ Robert murmurs, depressed. Aaron sees how he believes it, can’t get his head around those words. 

“ Why? “ Aaron sounds angry.   
“ Because that fucking bastard hurt ya? “ He spits out, but his voice is calm. So dangerously calm it makes Robert shiver. 

“ Yeh. “ Robert nods his head at nothing. “ He has wrecked me Aaron! “ Robert raises his voice, doesn’t care if Liv wakes up or not. “ John has ruined me! “   
Robert shouts angrily, broken. The loudness of the voice covering the feet on the floorboards. 

“ He hasn’t Robert! If you just listen -! “ 

“ He played with me for hours! “ Robert confesses, explosively.   
“ He did it throughout the day for 3 whole fucking weeks! “ Aaron doesn’t say anything, let’s him speak even if Robert sounds beyond broken. “ And you know what? I started to fucking like it! “ Robert breaks down, Aaron’s goes to comfort him but gets pushed back. “ I was beginning to think what was the point? What was the point of fighting back? so I took it. I took all the pain, all the suffering because I knew I deserved it. “ 

Aaron frowns, eyes redding with tears. “ Deserved it? “ he repeats. 

“ I’m a home wrecker aren’t I? “ Like it’s obvious. “ I have done so much shit in my life that maybe I deserved being repeatedly tortured. “ 

“ DON’T YOU FUCKING DARE SAY THAT AGAIN! “ Aaron all but yells. “ How can you think you deserve it? You don’t deserve to be raped, burnt, cut, forced to take drugs and alcohol. Just because you can be a smug cocky bastard sometimes doesn’t mean you deserve to go through that! “ 

“ He was right! He needed to keep me in line! Exactly what dad said, he leathered me and it still didn’t work did it? So maybe I needed this to never get one mistake out of line. “ 

Neither of them hear Liv break out into a silent sob on top of the stairs hidden away. 

Aaron stares in disbelief. “ I can’t believe I’m hearing this. “ 

Robert shrugs his shoulders.   
“ it’s true isn’t it? “ 

“ Robert, it isn’t, you are a good person. “ Aaron nails it at home, again, frustrated. 

He scoffs. “ No I’m not. “ Robert says in denial. “ And you know that too. “ 

“ did I deserve it? “ Aaron coldly states out. Robert looks at him in disgust for even referring to Gordon. 

“ No. no of course you didn’t deserve it! You didn’t deserve any of it! “ Robert hisses. 

“ then why is it any different to you then? “ Aaron rhetorically asks. “ Both of those monsters hurt us in the unthinkable way, so why is it so hard for you to believe you deserved it? “ 

“ Because I got hard for him, I sold myself for him, I deserved the torture because how I treated people in the past. “ 

“ I’ve hurt people in the past too! Stop saying you deserved it because you don’t! “ 

Robert shakes his head, huffs. Tired of this, it feels like they are going around in circles. 

“ I don’t want to talk anymore. “ 

Aaron nods shortly, leans against the counter and looks at his tired husband. “ What do you want to do then? “ 

He shrugs. 

“ what if I make us a cuppa, sit in-front of the tele watchin’ top gear? “ Aaron suggests lightly. Robert weakly smiles and walks over to the couch, settling himself down on the sofa. Aaron watches him, feeling his heart turn blue by the vulnerability of this confident man. 

Once the cuppas have been made Aaron sets himself down next to Robert, who anxiously slides an arm around Aaron’s back and sides hug him. Aaron smiles softly, protectively tucks his husband into his side. 

Liv quietly walks back to her room stunned by Robert’s words. Shocked for words.


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Please read the tags for triggers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don’t want Robert to leave :( I really want Ryan to come back, if it is a break.   
> :( 
> 
> This is set after the last chapter btw.

Robert sat on the sofa trying to watch the tv. But his brain always reverts back when he was kidnapped. When he was assaulted. Robert shifts on the sofa, chest tightening, the wobble of his lips trying not to cry. Trying to ignore the urge to cut himself. 

Aaron was in the kitchen waiting for the popcorn. He suggested to his husband they could have some alone time, for Robert to help things to be normal. 

Aaron got out the popcorn and dimmed the lights, walking to Robert who stilled. Barely breathing. 

Robert felt his chest tighten, his windpipe felt like it was a size of a pea. John touching him. Him sleeping in the dark. 

‘ Aren’t you a good slut Robert. ‘ 

Robert heard John’s voice, now becoming numb. 

‘ You have no idea how good you taste, Robby. ‘ John slid up Robert’s body, gripping the blonde hair. 

Robert is disgusted. 

“ Robert breathe! Look at me! “ Aaron tried to keep calm, he touched Robert’s arm trying to comfort him. But Robert flinched violently. 

“ P-please no - “ Robert curled himself into a ball, making himself impossibly small on the sofa. 

Aaron ignored the tears falling down his face. He crouched down in front of his distressed husband. 

“ Robert? “ 

“ No no no. “ 

“ Rob your at the Mill. That man isn’t here okay? “ Aaron calmly told him, his voice filled with panic still. 

“ I can’t - please I don’t want anymore - “ Robert whispered, eyes glazed over as they were glued to the sofa. 

“ Just come up to me Robert. “ Aaron choked out. 

“ Aaron? “ Robert whispered, slowly coming out of his flashback. 

Aaron smiled relieved. “ Yes Robert it’s me, he can never hurt you anymore. “ 

Robert looked at him, like he didn’t recognise Aaron. Till he slowly sat up still tense. 

Aaron didn’t know what to do. But he sat beside Robert keeping distance. 

“ Are you okay? “ Aaron hesitantly asked. 

Robert shook his head, tears dropping from his eyes. “ Master got me again. “ he whispered. 

“ he never, it was a flashback. It’s just you and me. “ 

“ Turn on the light. “ Robert pleaded, still not looking at him. 

Aaron couldn’t get up fast enough. When he returned Robert was deathly pale, eyes red with tears dropping down his cheeks. 

He looked so ill. So exhausted. 

“ I’m so sorry Robert. “ Aaron choked out. 

“ It’s - it’s okay. You weren’t to know. “ he said indifferently. 

“ Do you want to talk about it?? “ Aaron asked apprehensive. 

Robert shrugged emotionless. “ it’s just the same. “ Aaron waited patiently for Robert to continue. “ John sucking me off. “ he said disgusted, Aaron looked hurt. “ He - he saying - “ panic raise again. “ I’m a g-good slut - “ Robert began to struggle to breathe again. 

“ Concentrate on my voice okay? Don’t go away from me again. Your safe. “ 

Robert slowly began to breathe again. The tightness in his chest still there. 

“ I want it all to go away. “ Robert whimpered. 

“ It will in time. “ Aaron tried. 

“ Just - just lets watch this. “ 

“ I don’t want to rush ya. You just had a panic attack. “ Aaron stressed. 

“ I don’t want to think about him. Please Aaron. “ Robert begged. 

Aaron sighed softly. “ Okay. Only if you’re sure? “ 

Robert nodded his head, Aaron didn’t look convinced. But he backed down anyway. 

They watched the movie, Aaron kept glancing at Robert as he sat still trying to ignore John in his head. 

“ I want to go to bed. “ Robert blurted out, feeling John everywhere. 

Aaron cleared his throat. “ Right okay. I’ll just - “ 

“ no. I want you to come up with me. “ Robert told him. 

Aaron’s eyes widened. “ are you sure? What if you have a flashback? “ 

Robert shook his head. “ I need you, I need you to protect me. I can’t sleep by myself. “ his voice becoming small. 

Aaron was selfishly happy he could be with him. But still anxious. 

Robert sighed. Looking sad. Robert stood up slowly. “ if you don’t I’ll understand-“ 

“ no no I’ll go with ya. “ 

Robert looked awkward. But forced a small smile. 

They went up the spiral staircase, Aaron waiting for river to tell him to go. But he didn’t. Robert curled himself with the quilt, facing Aaron as he did the same. 

Robert slowly slid his hand and held Aaron’s. “ I do love you Aaron. That hasn’t changed. “ 

Aaron watery smiled at him, ignoring the wet pillow. “ I love you too Robert. “ 

They slowly fell asleep holding each other’s hands. Aaron never felt happier in that moment. 

-:-   
Aaron woke up slowly feeling weirdly content and then he remembers last night, when Robert let him sleep in bed with him. Aaron hates how Robert has become so unsure now, he is always anxious. But last night Aaron was proud of Robert, of him being ready to let his husband sleep next to him.   
Aaron was grateful, he could make sure Robert was safe, to sleep next to him than sleeping on the sofa for the past 5 days. 

Aaron turned over, taking in the *still* beautiful face. Aaron loves him so much, he wants to erase all those unthinkable memories from Robert’s mind. The bruising is slowly fading now from Robert’s face, the cuts healing, but Robert is still barely eating. It looks like he has lost more weight if that’s possible. 

He a natural smile spreads from his face as Robert stirs awake. Robert blinks a couple times before looking through the still tired eyes at Aaron. 

“ Morning. “ Aaron murmured, subconsciously threading his fingers through the blonde locks but Robert stills looking deeply uncomfortable. 

“ what? “ Aaron asks him confused. 

Robert clears his throat, the itching coming back. Robert looks like he is about to cry.   
“ Mast- he used to do that. “ Robert explained quietly. 

The blood drains from Aaron’s face and instantly takes away his hand. Only to have Robert grab his wrist loosely. “ Take away that man’s touch from my memory. “ he tells him, only to have Aaron still looking unsure. “ I used to feel so loved when you played with my hair, I don’t want you to stop because of him. “ 

Aaron looks down for 2 seconds before giving Robert a weak smile. He calmly plays with his husbands hair again, letting the locks go through the gaps of fingers. 

“ this okay? “ 

“ It will be. “ Robert truthfully told him, his voice thick with anxiety. Aaron notices how he looks like he really wants to say something, but struggling too. Aaron rubs Robert’s hand encouragingly. 

“ You can tell me anything. “ 

And then Robert looks up at those ocean blue eyes. He takes a shaky deep breath. “ I - I want to kiss you- ? “ Robert lets out, sounding more like a question. “ I just - I don’t want to feel his - “ the word catches in his throat. “ I don’t want to feel him. I just want to feel you.“ Robert explains quietly. 

“ Rob, I don’t want to make you worse. “ Aaron stresses calmly.

Robert nods his head softly, completely understanding. Robert has so many triggers - he knows its hard work for Aaron. 

“ I want to try, I miss ya, I want to feel my husband.“ Robert explains. Aaron hears the nerves in his voice. “ I want to replace that - “ he becomes uncomfortable, Aaron strokes his arm to encourage him to speak. Robert takes a deep breath finding it hard to even think about John. “ I want to replace that man’s touch from my memory, I just want to feel my husband. “ Robert repeats again, needing Aaron to understand how much he needs the contact. 

“ Only if you’re sure. “ Aaron defeats, afraid of another trigger happening. 

Robert clears his throat again and shuffled closer slowly moving his hand to Aaron’s jaw, Aaron doesn’t move letting Robert have the complete control. Robert feels his heart hammering in his chest by the overwhelming feeling. He closes his eyes and places his lips against Aaron’s, the gentlest of kisses. It makes Aaron’s heart burst with fireworks. 

Robert pulls away looking like he is about to bolt out of the room. He feels dreadful, not because of Aaron, but because he’s pushing himself to be the husband Aaron deserves. But he pushes away all the thoughts to the back of his head. 

“ Was that okay? “ he asks sounding like a sad boy. 

Aaron smiles softly. “ Perfect. “ 

Robert blushes, feeling his cheeks turn red. “ I wouldn’t say that. “ the vulnerability covering him. 

Aaron holds his hand a little tighter but loose at the same time. “ It was perfect Robert, don’t think otherwise. “ 

Robert looks down at their joined hands subconsciously stroking Aaron’s hand with his thumb. How could he get so lucky? 

“ What do you want to do today? “ Aaron asked him, changing the subject as Robert seemed to get lost in his own head again. 

“ I don’t know. “ Robert replied truthfully. 

“ Do you want to go to the beach? “ 

“ The beach? “ Robert repeated slowly. “ It’s December. “ 

“ yeh but it’ll be nice? Walk along the shore together, ignoring everything else. “ Aaron explained. “ me and mum went years ago, before everything “ Aaron said, his voice hitching for a nanosecond, referring to that day when he finally told someone about his child abuse. “ - it helps to clear your head. “ 

“ Suppose it’ll be nice. “ Robert murmurs. “ Could even add a picnic in there. “ he smirked, gently, even that little facial expression looked forced. 

Aaron smiled, proud. “ You want to buy something from David’s? Or make it here? “ 

“ Make it here. “ Robert replied. 

Aaron smiled again but it looked off, he then frowned at his husband. “ Are you okay? “ 

and what a question is that? I’m I okay? No, far bloody from it. 

“ why? “ 

“ you just seem - off? Like something is on your mind. “ 

Yeh you can say that, considering all I need to do again is to hurt myself to stop this FEELING OF NUMBNESS. 

“ Yeh I’m fine. Just tired. “ Robert forced a smile. Aaron leant over and cupped Robert’s jaw calmly, his one bent knee supporting him. 

“ you don’t need to have this strong front for me Rob, you don’t have to hide from me. “ 

Robert looked up at his husbands beautiful sincere eyes and smiled weakly. “ Honestly I’m fine. “ he still lied, doesn’t want to cause Aaron more stress and make his Mental Health to come back. 

Aaron’s face shifted - to pity? To defeat? He rubbed Robert’s cheek with his thumb before pulling away. “ love you. “ he whispered lovingly. 

“ love you too. “ 

Aaron went downstairs to get the picnic started, as Robert still didn’t move from the double bed. He sighed heavily, feeling sick from this hidden underlying guilt. Robert reluctantly got up and got changed, not wanting to he a disappointment to Aaron. He walks into the bathroom shutting the door, grips onto the sink till his knuckles go white. Robert looks up into the mirror, the reflection isn’t him. It’s John. Robert bites back a broken sob, reaches for the razor with hands shaking. 

He puts it to his skin, pushes deep and then - 

He can finally breathe. He looks down at the multiple bloody cuts, he tucks his top back into his too baggy jeans and leaves the bathroom even more anxious. You know the worst part is? He doesn’t feel guilty for it, he feels like he can breathe again, he deserves it. 

“ You were ages. “ Aaron commented when Robert walked down the spiral staircase. 

Robert looked at him indifferently. “ Sorry. “ 

Aaron’s face softened, he put down the buttery knife and walked to Robert. “ You don’t need to apologise Robert, I’m not going to hurt ya if you do something wrong. “ he gently reassured him. 

Robert didn’t say anything. Instead, he walked over to the kitchen looking at the salmon sandwich. “ you don’t like salmon? “ 

“ No. but you do. “ 

Robert smiled naturally at him, before wrapping the sandwich in clingfilm. He needs to act normal, for Aaron. It can’t be that hard? 

Isn’t that the million pound question? 

Aaron walked to him putting the foods into the picnic bag. “ have you changed your bandages today? “ he asked. 

“ no. “ 

Aaron frowned slightly. “ Well do you want me to do them? You don’t want to get an infection. “ 

Not bothered if I died. “ I’ll do them. “ Robert responded tiredly, not the sleep kind. He walked up stairs again feeling Aaron’s gaze on him, but he never turned back. 

Robert changed his bandages without thinking, his head somehow else. He starred at his arm, the cuts and burns looking back up at him. Till he blinked away and went back downstairs again. 

All he wants to do is hide away. 

“ Are you sure you want to have this picnic? “ Aaron asked his husband, seeing his movements are slow. 

“ yeh. “ Robert said quietly. “ it’ll be fun. “ he said, the ‘ light ‘ voice he puts on sounds sad. 

Aaron slid his hands loosely around Robert middle looking deep into those empty eyes. Robert shifted uncomfortably knowing the jumper is sticking to the cut, feeling the blood soaking it. 

“ I’m not forcing ya, you know? “ 

Robert swallows ones, twice.   
“ i know. Let’s just do this Yeh? I don’t want to think about anything else. “ 

Even when it’s burnt into the front of his brain. 

-/- 

Aaron sets the picnic blanket onto the sand against the stone wall where up above the pavement is. Robert slowly gets out the food quietly not saying much till they are just sitting in silence listening to the waves. 

“ You know I came here with mum a few years ago. “ Aaron commented, biting into the sandwich. 

“ really? “ Robert replies back, not into it at all. He eats the salmon sandwich slowly. 

Aaron hums. “ It was nice you know? Felt we bonded a bit more. I knew I could tell her anything, and I did, I felt so much better getting it off my chest. “ Aaron said casually, underneath hinting at Robert to talk to him. He looked at Robert as he continued to eat and he softly sighed feeling awkward. 

“ This was a bad idea wasn’t it? “ Aaron laughed. “ It’s freezing. “ 

Robert smirks. For a split second Aaron saw his old husband. 

“ It is a bit. “ Robert said, he leaned down onto his elbow to face Aaron, legs curled up to his body. Robert grabbed Aaron’s hand to trace shapes onto his skin. “ But you were doing a nice thing. Maybe we should start walking to get the circulation going? “ 

“ That’ll be nice. “ 

Once all the picnic equipment was packed away they started walking along the sea waves. Robert reached down and interlocked hands with Aaron who looked shocked by the affection. He wouldn’t of thought Robert was ready, it was only this morning when Robert was nearing a panic attack to peck him on the lips. But he obviously isn’t complaining. 

“ This feels like when we had our honeymoon. “ Aaron commented, as they walked along the shore. Robert looked at him, a ghost of a smile present. 

“ yeh? “ 

Aaron hummed. “ When it was just us two, being all domestic in the sun. “ he smirked. 

“ you actually dancing in the sand. “ Robert grinned. 

Aaron looked at Robert smiling. “ You forced me into it! “ 

“ I didn’t! You were hammered anyway! “ 

“ You took advantage of that! “   
Aaron has never regretted saying anything in his life till now. Robert losing his grip on Aaron’s hand, becoming quieter. 

Robert wants to be sick. 

“ Robert I’m so so sorry. It was just a harmless comment! “ Aaron panicked, nothing feels worse than upsetting his husband even more. Why the hell did he say that for? 

“ it’s fine. “ Robert says quietly. 

“ No it isn’t - “ 

Robert sighs heavily getting his phone, seeing its a private call. 

“ Hello? “ Robert responds, Aaron watches his facial expressions change. The lasting one stays scared. Robert ends the call with a barley there bye. 

“ Who was it? “ Aaron asks him, impatiently. 

“ the police, PC Williams. He wants a statement off me today, they’ve already waited ages. “ Robert whispered, hands shaking. Aaron took his husbands shaking hands into his own. 

“ You will be okay Robert. “ Aaron sincerely told him. 

Robert shook his head slowly, breathing fast. A panic attack coming along. “ I - I can’t do it. I can’t retell them what happened. “ he whimpered distressed. 

Aaron held Robert’s hands tightly. “ You can Robert, you can do anything okay? Because I’ll be there with ya. “ he confidently said to his husband. 

Robert shook his head, years dropping off his eyes. “ I don’t want to talk about that man. “ 

“ I know baby, but this can get that monster sent down can’t it? “ 

Robert slowly looked up exhausted. “ What if it doesn’t? “ 

Aaron nearly shrugged his shoulders. “ then we can go to court and fight. “ 

“ I don’t think I have any fight in me. “ he said ever so quietly. Aaron brought Robert’s head up softly, his own eyes glistening. 

“ I’ll be strong for the both of then. “ 

Robert flew into his husband hugging him tightly, crying into his shoulder as his body shook.


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter may cause triggers for some, with mentions of self harm, ( a little detailed ) scars/cuts and rape. 
> 
> Please read with care ( and for past/future chapters also ).

Aaron turned off the engine with a deep sigh as he turned to Robert looking deeply pale and petrified. “ You can do this Rob, it’s going to be okay. “ Aaron assures him, loosely holding his husbands slightly shaking hand. 

Robert shook his head weakly. “ I can’t Aaron. I don’t think I can do it. “ Robert told him quietly, the shake in his voice goes noticeable, Aaron strokes Robert’s hand with his thumb. 

Aaron blinked a few times, squeezing his hand to get his attention. “ I did it didn’t I? I spoke to the police about Gordon, when I came out I felt better, finally telling the police what happened knowing he is going to get locked up. “ 

“ you’re stronger than me Aaron. “ Robert weakly stated out. 

Aaron shook his head. “ no I’m not, I could only do it because I had you, Mum, and everyone else supporting me. “ 

“ I’m scared. “ Robert choked out, feeling himself beginning to cry. 

“ I know baby, I know, just tell the police what happened and then you can come back to me. “ Aaron sincerely told Robert, he needs to be strong for Robert. 

Robert took a deep breath, unfastening his seatbelt feeling like he is being weighed down.  
“ You’ll be here when I come out? “ Robert murmured, needing the reassurance. 

Aaron smiles softly. “ Of course I will Rob, I’m not leaving you. “ 

“ O-okay. “ Robert stammered, getting out of the car and walking to the police station suddenly it feels humongous compared to him. Aaron watches him go in, feeling proud of his husband and subconsciously waiting for a trigger to happen afterwards. 

/-/ 

PC Williams greets Robert by the reception desk, he forwards his hand out and shakes Robert’s. Who awkwardly shook his feeling like he is going to collapse. 

“ If you follow me Mr Sugden. “ PC Williams says, they both walk down a corridor turning left then right and left again into a room with a table and two chairs. There is a recorder sitting on the table and it feels like everything is closing in on Robert. 

PC Williams places himself down into the chair as Robert sits on other one, leg bouncing a mile. “ I understand this is very nerve wracking for you Robert, but you do understand we need a official statement. This could send Ryan straight to prison and won’t need to go to court as we do have the evidence. “ 

Robert doesn’t say anything, nods his head numbly, feeling himself spaced out. Robert digs his finger further into his hand needing the pressure - needing the pain to bring him back to Earth. 

PC Williams clicks on the record button and says the date before saying. “ In your own time, tell me what happened on the 16th of November 2019? “ 

Robert cleared his throat, losing the ability to speak. “ you already know this - “ 

“ I need a recorded version Robert. “ PC Williams explains, gently. 

Robert takes a deep breath, blowing out the air again, he just wants Aaron with him. “ I went to have a shower - “ Robert trails off, going back to that night, talking on autopilot. 

( “ W-what you doing h-here? “ He stutters staring at him from across the room, John’s laugh fills the room it radiates off him, a horrible vicious laugh. 

The type of laugh you grimace at.

John smiles like that clown off It, he walks towards Robert knowing he has no where to go, literally backed against the wall as he steps backwards from him.

“ Robby why did you tell em’? “ He replies softly but you can hear the venom in his voice. He’s inches apart from Robert, he can feel Johns breath on his face.

“ I- I needed to tell someone because what you did to me has broken me! “ He spits out, eyes hard, chest tightening with anxiety.

“ And what did I do to you Robby? “ He smirks, tilts his head to the side as he strokes Robert’s cheek he pushes him away but Johns too strong. It suddenly feels like he’s 19 again, vulnerable and scared.

Robert frowns deeply. “ You know what you did. “ he responds harshly.

“ But the jury thought different didn’t they? “ he laughs in Robert’s face, how Robert feels like crying again ). 

PC Williams leans back on the chair, starts to speak when Robert stops talking trying to calm himself down. “ John admitted he raped you when you were nineteen? “ 

“ not in so many words. No. “ 

“ What happened then Robert? “  
Robert takes a shaky breath, retells that unthinkable night. 

( John moves closer to Robert and grips his wrists hard holding them over Robert’s head. He pushes his crotch against Robert’s, tightens his grip when Robert tries to free himself but it’s no use. John started kissing Robert’s neck, ignoring the tears rolling down Robert’s face still trying to escape, John sucks hard on his neck.

“ You will always be mine Robby. “ he moans against Robert’s lips, Robert finally pushes him away with force and runs to the front door. John gets up quickly and catches him.

“ Bad idea blondie. “ He whispers angrily, his fist clenches turns his knuckles white and before Robert has enough time to react he drops to the floor unconscious. ). 

“ He attempted to rape you in The Mill? “ PC Williams confirmed. 

Robert shakily nodded his head, tears dripping down his cheeks.  
“ I pushed him away - I really really did! But he was too strong! “ Robert gasped, letting the tears fall, he covered his face with his hands. 

“ There is no reason to explain yourself Robert, I’m not here to judge you, I am here to get John sent down. “ PC Williams sternly told him, supportively. Robert didn’t answer, he carried on to softly cry into his hands wiping away the tears with his sleeve.  
“ what did John do to you in the 3 weeks within your kidnapping? “ 

“ He repeatedly, brutally raped me. Again and again. “ Robert let out slowly, the sensation of John on him again, he wants to rip his skin off. The police officer waited for Robert continue. “ He - he forced me to - to -“ he heaved, the flashback becoming too real. 

“ Robert calm -“ 

Robert seemed to not hear him, deep in thought feeling disconnected. “ he made me swallow his cum - he - he made me c-cut myself, burn myself, drink awful amounts of alcohol and take - take drugs. “ Robert listed off ashamed. “ He used sex toys on me, he told me how I’m a bad boy, that I need to be punished. “ he spat out of the words, becoming even more disturbed. “ He mentally, emotionally and physically hurt me - he made me feel so weak I couldn’t do anything. “ 

“ you couldn’t fight back? “ 

“ No! He had me chained up! I couldn’t do anything anyway because he hardly gave me food or water! “ Robert defensively said, feeling himself backing himself into a corner. 

“ Robert I wasn’t judging or mocking you, I wanted to make it clear. “ 

Robert wipes away his tears ignoring the stinging. 

“ Okay, What happened when he set fire to the shed? “ PC Williams required. 

“ I can’t remember. “ Robert let out slowly. 

“ Any of it? “ 

“ I think... I think he set fire to the - the shed with liquid? He set fire to it - he - I think he had a gun? “ 

“ did he try to shoot you or Aaron? “ 

Robert shakes his head frowning. “ I don’t think so. “ he said, quietly. “ I’m sorry. “ 

“ I think we have enough information, we can talk to Aaron about what happen and we already have proof of the burnt shed. “ PC Williams explained, getting up from the seat turning off the recorder. 

Robert shakily got up looking at the police officer in a cowardly way. He hates looking at men.  
“ Is - is that it? “ Robert’s voice cracked. 

“ it is for now Robert, we may need some more information later on but for now this will do. “ PC Williams smiles politely.  
“ You can go home to your husband. “ 

Robert took a deep breath as he stepped out of the police station, all the flashbacks coming back through his mind. He feels John all over him again.  
Robert slowly gets into the car exhausted. 

“ How did it go? “ Aaron required softly. 

“ told him everything like he wanted. “ Robert bitterly said. 

Something shifts in Aaron’s face. “ Rob, he needed to know to get John sent down. “ 

“ yeh I know, but everything has come back even worse now. “ Robert become distressed, crying into his hands, flinching and shoving off Aaron’s comforting hand. “ don’t touch me. “ he gasped out, terrified.  
Aaron retreated going back into his seat, trying not to (selfishly) look hurt. It just stings in his heart when his husband doesn’t want to have his hand on his shoulder, but obviously Aaron does understands. 

“ Do you want to go the long way home? “ Aaron asked, knowing it helped him during Gordon’s court case or his counselling sessions. 

Robert nodded his head sniffling, somehow curling himself into a tiny ball against the door. 

Aaron started the engine with a heavy heart, wanting to say I love you but would Robert even appreciate it at this time? 

As they drove home in silence as Robert sat there numbly. He couldn’t respond to anything, it felt he lost the complete ability to communicate with the world. Robert stared outside everything looking grey and dead, he could feel John’s hands on him, touching his insides and playing with him. Robert dug his finger nails harder into his palm secretly, needing the pain. 

He never thought 3 months ago he would be self harming himself, to have those dark thoughts swirling around his damaged brain. 

All he feels is regret, guilt, depression and numbness - doesn’t feel anything at all. Only takes relief from the blade to his skin. That is all is keeping him sane now, he constantly needs to hurt himself in some weird way it is his comfort blanket. Robert can’t go to Aaron it’ll bring too much stress onto him. Robert needs to protect Aaron from his thoughts, from everything because he can’t bring back Aaron’s own memories. 

The jolt of the car brought Robert out of his head with a jump, he looked puzzled seeing The Mill in front of him. But he didn’t say anything, didn’t have the will power to speak, he quietly gets out the car not taking notice of Aaron’s worries looks. All Robert needs to do is go upstairs and find relief, he needs to breathe again. To wreck Johns skin. 

“ Where are you going? “ Aaron calls with a mixture of emotions in his voice, as Robert walks up the stairs. 

“ bathroom. “ Robert said simply and carried on walking up the stairs into the bathroom and locking it shut.  
Aaron looks down aimlessly looking at his wedding ring, he twirls it about on his finger smiling softly. He shakes himself out of his little moment when he hears the door opening and then shutting and Liv comes in with her usual grumpy happy self. 

“ where’s rob? “ Liv questions not seeing his presence, she dumps her bag by the stairs and walks to the fridge getting out a can of Coke. 

“ In the bathroom. “ Aaron replies. 

She shorty nods her head as she takes a sip of her drink.  
“ How has he been today? “ she hasn’t stopped thinking about Robert, she is beyond concerned for him. She worries about him all the time, she just wants things to go back to normal but she isn’t stupid. They won’t ever go back to normal. 

Aaron sighs softly, walks to the counter and leans against it with his arms folded. “ The same really, but he’s gone to the police station for a statement. “ he explains to her, pausing for a few seconds. “ And when he came out it was like he wasn’t actually there. “ the lump returned in his voice. 

Liv frowned. “ What you mean?”  
She has an idea but not a complete picture. 

“ It felt like Rob was disconnected somehow. “ 

Liv put down her coke can, suddenly looking a lot younger than her actual age. “ will we ever get our old Robert back Aaron? “ 

Aaron looked at her again, feeling his chest twinge with sadness. Liv going through the same, painful ordeal of someone she loves hurting again. She has heard the word rape too many times as it is. 

“ I want to say yes, “ Aaron painfully confesses, it genuinely hurts him to say. “ but I think he’s changed. But in time he will get better. “ 

Liv blinks away the tears, eyes adverting Aaron’s look. Aaron wraps his arms around his little sister giving her a much needed hug. “ We can help our Robert to get better, I know it’s hard right now but in time it will slowly get better Yeh? “ he soothed Liv, propping his chin on top of her head. Liv nodded against Aaron’s chest as soft tears fell from her eyes. 

“ miss him. “ Liv choked out. 

“ He’s still the same Robert Liv, but just different that’s all. “ 

“ It feels like he isn’t. “ 

“ I know but you need to see him as Robert, you can’t make him uncomfortable -“ 

Liv pulled away, wiping away her tears. “ I know, I know, but it hurts to talk or see him sometimes. “ 

Aaron sighs softly, understanding. “ I know, but we need to be there for him, you can talk to me or text me whenever you want okay? I don’t want you bottling things up. “ 

“ you’ve got -“ 

Aaron firmly shook his head.  
“ You are not less important, I will worry more if you didn’t talk to me. Please Liv, just let me in whenever you feel upset okay? “ 

“ I will. “ Liv whispered, really meaning it. “ Love you Aaron. “ she mumbled, a wave of affection going over her hugging Aaron again. She blushes slightly embarrassed. 

Aaron smiled softly, reaching his brown eyes. “ love you too sis. “ 

“ I’m just going to get changed. “ Liv told him, getting her bag and jogging up the stairs leaving Aaron alone in the kitchen. Aaron sighed heavily, not knowing what to do with himself. He wants to check on Robert but doesn’t want him to feel overwhelmed. So, Aaron stays downstairs gets out his phone from his pocket and orders a dominos. 

Another ten minutes go by and the Mill is too quiet, considering there are 3 people in the house, and cleaning the already clean house isn’t doing Aaron any favours. He goes upstairs to see where his husband is. Aaron finds him sitting on their bed starring at the wall, looking like he has spent too many hours this. Aaron takes note of the hoodie, one of Aaron’s biggest ones, Liv usually wears it when it is one of her slobbing days or when Robert wants to feel safe. 

“ Rob? “ Aaron calls out to him softly. He doesn’t turn, carries in blinking like he can’t hear anything. Aaron steps a little closer to not startle him. “ Robert?! “ he calls with a slightly higher volume, Robert blinks again ‘ coming back into the room ‘ and looks at Aaron. Robert doesn’t look like he is 33 years old, it looks like 10 years has added to him but also 10 years taken off him at the same time. 

“ yeh? “ Robert replies quietly, turning his head to look at Aaron, moves the hoodie off the damp patch on his stomach. 

“ Are you okay? “ 

Robert shrugs his shoulders, Aaron calmly sits next to him giving him space. 

“ I don’t know what to feel. How to feel. “ Robert aimlessly comments, lack of emotion. “ I don’t feel anything. “ 

“ You feel nothing? “ Aaron repeats without meaning too. Aaron can sense there is more for Robert to say, the way Robert looks like he is holding stuff back. 

Robert nods his head slowly, can’t control his mouth. “ I feel so disconnected from everything, it’s like I’m floating and I want to let it happen. “ 

Aaron shuffles closer to his husband slowly taking Robert’s hand into his own. Aaron looks at the of Robert’s face with his eyes showing unshed tears. That’s how he felt when he was 18, when he felt nothing, when he wanted everything to stop. When day he tried to end it all. He never wants anyone to go through that, especially his beautiful husband. 

“ Don’t you float away from me Robert. “ Aaron tells him with a slight warning in his voice, but he sounds scared. 

“ it feels like I have already. “ 

“ You’re still with us Rob, it’ll get better in time. “ 

“ will it? “ 

“ yeh. It’ll hurt, but eventually it fades away. “ 

“ I don’t want to feel like this anymore. “ Robert whispers, looking down at his slim thighs. 

“ Do you want me to get -“ 

Robert firmly shakes his head, no. He can’t speak to anyone, that’s for people who have real problems. Not him. He has brought this on himself. 

“ I’ll be fine. “ Robert says, standing up getting away from Aaron who is also standing up facing him. 

“ but you just said -“ 

Robert sighs in frustration.  
“ yes I am aware Aaron! But I can’t okay? I can’t retell what happened to me again! “ 

“ We do need to talk about it rob. “ 

Robert frowns at him. “ Why? Do you really want to know all the details of how I was repeatedly raped? “ his words harsh, hitting Aaron in the face. 

Aaron didn’t say anything, carefully thinking about he is about to say. “ Not If you don’t want me too. But it does help talking about it than getting it bottled up. I would know Robert. “ 

Robert sighs, defeating again.  
“ I don’t know when it will ever be the right time to talk about it. “ 

“ whenever you’re already Rob. “ 

Robert took a step forward to Aaron and slowly picked his hand up and slowly played with Aaron’s fingers not looking at him. 

“ Can we try to be normal for one night? “ Robert murmured quietly. 

“ Whatever you want, babe. “ Aaron sweetly said, with a fluffy smile on his face wanting to show his love. 

Robert looks up at Aaron, eyes a little emptier. “ I think I’m starting to like that nickname. “ Robert weakly smiles and it’s the best thing Aaron has ever seen. 

“ You deserve a cheesy nickname - babe. “ Aaron grins cheekily, a pink colour raises into his cheeks. 

Robert just weakly smiles, feels it fading away till he sighs and looses his grip on Aaron’s hand. He immediately misses the touch and wants it back, but then an image of John comes through his mind and he wants to set himself on fire. 

“ We going downstairs then? “ 

Aaron nods his head. “ Yeh, I’ve ordered us a dominos pizza should be here in a few minutes. “ Aaron explains, they move downstairs into the living room. Robert sits on the sofa, with his legs underneath his body playing with the hoodie thread when he smells the greasy food entering. 

“ So - I got a bit mad with the food but I think we should have a little pig out sesh. “ Aaron grins, feels a tiny forced but he wants to act as normal as possible. 

Robert looks at the food, 2 medium pizza boxes, garlic bread, chips, soda the lot.  
“ Bloody hell this is a lot. “ 

Aaron embarrassedly smirks.  
“ I thought we and Liv could sit together watching a movie? Try to feel normal, and you need to eat a bit more. “ Aaron murmurs, sits on the edge of the sofa next to Robert. “ You’re too skinny lately. “ he says worried, not liking it. 

“ I don’t feel like eating. “ Robert tells him quietly. 

“ why? “ Aaron pushes the point, he hates how he feels like he is outside the loop somehow. 

Robert shifts uncomfortable.  
“ You don’t want to know. “ he says ashamed. 

“ you really think I’m going to let it slide? “ Aaron nearly laughs.  
“ I want to understand rob, i know it’s hard for ya, but I hate how I feel I don’t know what’s wrong with you. “ 

Robert sighs, gulps hard, looking directly at his hands.  
“ I - it reminds me of the sensation-“ his voice hitches, Aaron feels his skin grow cold. Wishes he didn’t ask. Robert takes a deep breath, feeling light headed. “ It reminds of swallowing his - his cum, when I swallow. “ Robert lets out, feeling completely ashamed of what he was forced to do. “ that’s why I don’t like eating or drinking. It reminds me - “ 

“ you don’t have to tell me rob. I’m so sorry -“ 

Robert shakes his head, not needing him to feel guilty. It’s him. He was the one who did the disgusting thing. “ I need to tell you, now, i can’t just stop talking about it. “ Robert explains, voice tight, before looking up at Aaron’s upset face. “ I’m sorry. I shouldn’t be telling you. I’m bringing back memories -“ 

Aaron shifted, holding Robert’s has shaking his head. “ no rob, I can’t let you stop talking about what happened, if you want to tell me you can. “ 

“ but -“ 

Aaron strokes Robert’s hand with his thumb comforting him.  
“ You can tell me anything okay? “ 

Robert coughs. “ I can’t. Not right now, can I tell you later? When I feel - comfortable? “ 

“ of course. “ Aaron agrees. “ I’ll call liv down and we’ll find a movie to watch okay? “ 

“ okay. “ Robert says indifferently, feels Aaron go and hears him shout her down. Liv comes jogging down the stairs and without thinking jumps onto the couch making Robert jump and flinch away. 

“ Liv! “ Aaron hissed at her, glaring at her for making Robert scared. 

Aaron crouched down beside Robert at the end of the sofa holding his hand. “ Hey it’s okay, it was only Liv. “ Aaron soothed softly, as Robert breathing hitches. Liv doesn’t move too guilty to do anything. 

Robert takes a few more deep breaths, before he can fully breathe properly again. “ I-I’m Sorry. “ he whispers, why can’t he just stop being stupid. 

“ no I’m the one who is sorry Robert, I didn’t mean to scare you. “ Liv apologises and does sound sorry. 

Robert forces a weak smile, acting fine. “ it’s okay. “ he tells her. 

“ are you sure? “ Aaron pips in, gently. 

Robert nods his head. “ Yeh - Yeh I will be. “ he stammers out.  
Aaron nods his head accepting but still has that look in his face. Aaron sits beside Robert with Liv looking guilty. Aaron wraps an arm around her, letting her know it’s okay. He pulls back and leans forward opening the pizza boxes. 

“ right which one? Ham and pineapple or pepperoni? “ Aaron says lightly. 

“ ugh. Ham and pineapple? Seriously. I’m gonna vom. “ Liv grumps with a massive grin on her face as she takes a slice of the pepperoni. 

Aaron grins at her. “ Vom somewhere else then. “ he cheekily says, nudges her gently. He turns to Robert frowning slightly when he looks out of it. “ Rob? “ 

Robert somehow gets out of it and shakily gets a slice of ham and pineapple pizza, feeling his heart race. It feels like everything is daunting. 

Aaron calmly put his hand on Robert’s forearm. “ don’t push yourself okay? “ he stresses calmly.

But Robert just feels sick. The heaviness at the bottom of his stomach feeling like it is raising up. Suddenly he can feel him sucking John off, feels him coming in his mouth and he has to swallow and swallow feeling his stomach fill up -“ 

Robert heaves, gag reflex going and drops the pizza back into the box and flying to the downstairs toilet. Aaron drops everything and rushes after him, Liv too but stands by the door frame. 

Robert is violently sick, keeps heaving and gagging ignoring Aaron’s gentle rubs and circles on his back. “ it’s okay, it’s okay Rob. “ 

“ I think I’m going to be sick again. “ Robert heaves leaning forward into the toilet, gripping the toilet lid tight. 

“ Do you want some water? “ Aaron asks, hesitating. 

Robert nods his head, throat burning. “ Y-Yeh. “ 

Aaron mimes to Liv and she goes to get the water. As Aaron double checks before turning his attention back to his husband. 

“ what brought it on? “ 

“ I had a flashback of sucking off him - I could feel everything again. “ Robert tells him, sounding like he is going to be sick again. 

Aaron didn’t say anything, what could he say? He carried on rubbing Robert’s back, putting all the feelings into his comforting hold. Liv awkwardly passed the glass of water to Aaron and he handed it to Robert who practically downed the glass with a gasp. Out of energy. 

“ Does that feel better? “ Aaron asked him, unsure. 

“ hmm. “ 

“ Is he okay? “ Liv asked, not knowing what to do. 

Aaron nodded his head. “ Yeh he’ll be fine. You go back and find a movie to watch. I’ll look after rob now. “ he forced a smile, Liv looked like she wanted to stay but did as she was told. Aaron traced shapes on Robert’s hand to bring him back to reality, trying to distract him. 

“ how do you feel now? “ Aaron enquired. 

“ Terrible. “ Robert groaned, leaning against the sink. 

“ Do you want to at least try to eat something? “ Aaron said, apprehensive. “ I don’t want to force you, but you do need to eat. “ 

Robert groaned again, wiping away the sweat on his forehead exhausted. 

“ You could eat the food in small amounts? “ Aaron tried again, god bless him he is trying. Robert can’t disappoint him can he? 

“ yeh okay. “ Robert whispers, at least trying. He shakily stands up with Aaron’s help, holding his too thin waist as Robert stumbles into Aaron. 

“ Do you need some more water? “ 

“ yeh I think so. “ 

Aaron nods his head and guides him back to the sofa where Liv sits looking on edge. She watches Aaron placing Robert back onto his seat as he gets some more water. He comes back and hands it to Robert. 

“ drink it slowly. Or you’ll feel worse. “ Aaron tells him, caring.  
Robert swigs out of it and after a minute or so he reaches for the cold slice again and takes a small bite out of it. Aaron side eyed watches him, can’t not watch him now. Robert chews and chews then gulps it down looking disgusted. 

Liv turns back to the tv and awkwardly clicks on some comedy, Aaron leans back against the sofa eating pizza carefully watching Robert slowly eat his way through the pizza. 

Aaron and Liv laughed at the joke on the movie but Robert sat in the corner of the sofa still. He couldn’t laugh at all, it felt like this plastic mask is over him and he can’t do anything anymore. Robert’s eyes droop heavily feeling himself slowly falling asleep till he feels a hand on him and he jumps seeing John. 

“ It’s only me. “ Aaron tells him, after Robert bangs into the armrest. 

“ S-Sorry. “ Robert stammers, pulling the sleeve over his hands feeling dreadful. The food he consumed sitting in his stomach horribly it brings back memories of John filling him up both ends. 

All he wants is to bring it back up. 

“ You have nothing to be sorry for Robert. “ Aaron replies. “ Do you want to go to bed? “ 

Robert nods his head slowly getting up from the sofa losing the energy. “ Can - can you sleep on the s-sofa? “ he asks him anxiously. 

Aaron blinks, flash of hurt and his mouth forms a ‘o’ shape.  
“ Yeh Okay, if that’s what you want. “ he said, without any bitterness in his voice. 

Robert awkwardly goes upstairs feels their eyes on him, he is shaking. He needs the release. He goes into the bathroom and locks the door shut. 

Liv looked at Aaron, eyes looking small. “ What’s wrong with him? “ 

Aaron sighs heavy, feels his heart becoming heavier. “ he had a trigger. “ 

“ what type -“ 

“ Liv I’m not telling you, and you cannot try to find out okay? “ Aaron sternly told her, she may be 17 but he still wants to protect her. 

Liv shortly nodded her head, she turned the tv off and stretched. “ I’m going to go to bed. “ 

This wave of guilt just crushes Aaron seeing her slack face.  
“ Liv I didn’t mean to upset ya.” 

“ No you haven’t Aaron, honestly. “ Liv smiled weakly, she carried on going up the stairs to her room. Aaron automatically tidies the food up putting it in the bin or the fridge. When he has done all the cleaning trying to act fine he stands downstairs feeling dull. He wants Robert, he misses him and he just wants to sleep next to him. Aaron doesn’t want Robert on his own, especially when he had another trigger.  
Aaron walks up to their bedroom finding Robert getting changed into a jumper, he can tell Robert hasn’t spotted him. Aaron is too stunned to say anything, the multiple cuts and burns and the red marks over Robert’s back are just - painful. The skin looks all weird like it’s changing colour as well. 

This isn’t his husband, Aaron thinks before hating himself for even thinking about it. 

“ You Alright? “ Aaron asks him, trying to shake off the weird feeling. Robert jumps, feels like he is back at that shed again. He yanks the jumper down his front not wanting Aaron to see the new cuts. 

“ Fine. “ he says, Aaron isn’t unconvinced. 

“ You can talk to me you know? “ Aaron walks a little closer when Robert sits heavily on the bed. 

“ I don’t want to talk. “ 

Aaron plays with his own fingers subconsciously. “ Why do you want me to sleep downstairs? “ 

“ I feel him all over me. I feel him inside me and I can’t sleep next to you because I’ll think it’s him and I don’t know what I’ll do if I wake up. “ Robert explains, all with the slight tremor in his voice. 

Aaron slowly nods his head looking down at his hands.  
“ Okay, but if you need me I’ll be downstairs okay? “ 

“ I know. “ he whispers, they both get up from the bed, Aaron walks to the door turns blushes awkwardly with nerves. 

“ love you Rob. “ Aaron sincerely tells him. 

“ Love you too Aaron. “ Robert smiles, forces it a bit. Because he does love Aaron, that hasn’t changed not for one bit.  
Aaron grins slightly and closes the door behind him leaving Robert internally panicking. It feels too much, he wants Aaron back but he can’t fuss about it. He is the one who wanted Aaron downstairs so now he needs to deal with it. Robert slowly walks to the light switch switching it off, he hears his own breathing hitch and all he can hear is his heart thumping with the silence.  
Robert crawls into bed wrapping the quilt around him and gripping it his hand, all he needs to do is switch off his brain.  
Even when he can hear the fire burning, Aaron’s and johns yelling, the gunshot - bloody everything happening and he wants to slip away into the darkness. 

The last thing he hears is Sarah’s screams. 

-/- 

Robert lashes out in his sleep, kicking out at the quilt sweating. He’s with John again. 

“ Nononoo! “ Robert gasps out, half sob, half scream.  
John touches Robert’s body and he can’t move he can’t - but he needs to. John keeps taking off Robert’s clothes whispering and smirking at him. “ P-please don’t - not - not again -“ he mumbles, tears slipping from his eyes. 

He can hear John saying something, something quiet. Robert needs to get away, he needs Aaron but he’s frozen. 

“ Aaro- help -“ 

Robert stops moving, just stops. 

It‘s like a power cut. 

/-/ 

Aaron groans when he wakes up, can tell it was a deep sleep by the way his back throbs. He gets up winces from the aches, and puts the blanket back on the sofa with the pillow tidily again.  
He walks to the kitchen and starts the coffee machine Robert practically begged him for. The coffee machine is a right poncy thing, with all its dials and different types of bloody coffee ( which are all the same in his opinion). But it’s Robert’s. Aaron will never say a bad thing again if it means his husband can be happy again, not to have triggers or been through something so traumatic it is hard to believe. 

Aaron stirs the milk into the black coffee when Liv comes down the stairs with a suspicious look on her face. 

“ did you hear talking last night? “ 

Aaron frowns at her, sipping on his coffee. “ No? “ 

“ I swear I heard something. “ 

“ I didn’t hear anything Liv, I was fast asleep. “ Aaron comments.  
“ I’ll ask rob when he -“ 

Liv smirks turning to Robert.  
“ speaking of the devil. “ 

Robert looks at them sceptical. 

“ Did you hear talking last night? “ Liv asked him up front. 

Aaron realises the moment she says it. “ Liv just leave it yeh? “ the way he tells her makes the topic dropped. 

“ i had a nightmare that’s all. “ Robert tells them anyway, feels like he has too for some reason. 

“ oh. Sorry. “ Liv mumbles, regretting for even saying it now. 

“ it’s fine. “ Robert says, tiredly. 

“ I’ll best be going anyway. Gonna be late. “ Liv leaves, feels in the way. Aaron is about to call her back but she’s gone. 

“ Sorry. “ Robert apologises. 

“ what for? “ Aaron asks confused. 

“ For causing all this - you lot walking on eggshells around me. “ 

“ We just don’t want to upset ya Rob, we only care. “ 

Robert doesn’t say anything, walks past Aaron to make himself a cup of tea, forcing himself to drink something. 

“ What was your nightmare about? “ Aaron asks him, standing behind him. 

Robert’s shoulder drop and sighs heavily. “ The same thing. “ 

“ You should’ve came and get me, I’m so sorry Robert, I didn’t hear ya. “ Aaron murmurs, ashamed. 

Robert leans his hip on the edge of the counter, taking in Aaron’s hand and playing with his wedding ring. 

“ You’ve got nothing to be sorry about Aaron. “ 

“ but -“ 

“ there isn’t any buts. “ 

Aaron looks like he is about to protest but seeing Robert’s exhausted face he drops it. 

“ What do you want to do today? “ 

Robert shrugs. “ I don’t want to do anything. “ he grumbles, the sickening sensation comes back and feels bile raising up. 

“ We could go to the pub? “ Aaron suggests. 

“ no. I can’t. Aaron everyone is going to ask questions! “ 

“ They won’t Rob, after mum going off on one at Brenda they understand now. “ 

“ so they know about me? They know - I was - I was raped? “ Robert gasps, Aaron holds him calming him down. 

“ Only that you were kidnapped and had a traumatic time Rob, Mum didn’t say anything else okay? “ 

“ You - you promise? “ Robert breaths out. 

“ I promise Robert. “ 

-:- 

Robert clutched Aaron’s hand tight on a death grip. It felt like he couldn’t breathe. But he needed to do this to not disappoint Aaron. 

“ Do you want to go back? “ Aaron asked him, just outside the main doors. 

“ I don’t want to disappoint you. “ Robert choked out. 

“ You will never disappoint me -“ 

“ Robert! “ A male voice shouted. Robert flinched but he seemed to not see Robert curling in on himself or Aaron trying to reassure him. The man clasped his hands hard on Robert’s shoulders smiling goofily. “ I’m so happy to see you! “ 

Robert cowered into Aaron even further digging his face into his husbands chest crying. “ Get - Get away don’t touch me -“ Robert flinched, Aaron hold him tighter protecting him Aaron could feel his husbands long blonde locks in his face as he soothes him. 

“ its only Sam, he wouldn’t hurt you. Breathe for me. “ Aaron whispered, rubbing his hand on Robert’s arm calming him. 

“ why did he do that Aaron? “ Robert cried out. “ I thought he knew!? “ he choked out, the stinging pain in his shoulders bringing him back to the shed. John used to do to him. 

“ I don’t know Robert. “ Aaron replied in his hair. Aaron looked at Sam who stood there not knowing what to do. “ why did you do that you idiot? “ Aaron hissed angrily. 

“ I - I only clasped him on the shoulders. “ Sam said simply, not seeing how that affected Robert. “ Why is he acting like that for? “ 

“ He’s been held captive for 3 weeks Sam! He’s been through the unthinkable and hasn’t left the mill in 9 days! “ 

“ oh I didn’t know, I’m sorry Aaron. “ 

“ it’s not me you need to be apologising too! “ Aaron spat out. “ Look What you’ve done to my husband! “ Sam looked at Robert how was clinging onto Aaron’s waist trying to hide his face. He still is still crying softly. 

“ I’m sorry Robert. I didn’t know, I’ve been away. “ 

“ I thought mum told everyone in the pub? “ 

“ I wasn’t there. I’ve been back since yesterday. “ Sam replied. 

Aaron scoffed shaking his head pissed off. “ She should’ve told you. “ 

“ can - can we go home Aaron? “ Robert stammered softly, tears falling down his cheeks.

“ yeh, come on. “ Aaron whispered quietly into Robert’s hair and they walked back to the Mill. 

“ What’s the matter with you? “ Cain strolled up next to him with his usual grumbled look. He watched as his nephew held onto is husband walking down the street. 

“ All I Did was clasp my hands onto his shoulders. I think I scared him. “ 

Cain slapped Sam around the head. “ You stupid moron. “ 

“ ow! “ Sam rubbed his head. 

“ Did you not know he’s been repeatedly raped and been held captive for 3 weeks? “ Cain angrily stated out. 

“ no I didn’t! Nobody told me! “ 

“ You better make it right Sam, Sugden is our own and we don’t hurt each other -“ 

“ yeh we do -“ 

Cain slapped him again. “ Not intentionally you moron. “ 

-/- 

When Aaron unlocked the door Robert bolted upstairs into the bathroom shaking frantically. He couldn’t breathe. He could hear Aaron’s knocks and calls but he couldn’t move, all he feels is his touch on his back. 

The whip bouncing off his back. 

“ Robert open the door! “ Aaron called out scared for Robert. 

“ i - just leave me alone! “ Robert gasped out. Aaron heard a cupboard being opened and felt his blood drain from his face. 

“ no Robert please don’t hurt yourself! Just open the door! “ 

Robert couldn’t hear him, dug the blade into his stomach and blow out a breath. The tears dropping onto his hands, everything faded away. He could finally breathe again.  
The next thing the door was being flung open and Robert jumped backwards hard into the sink, the blade falling to the floor. 

“ Oh Robert. “ Aaron cries, seeing a glimpse of Robert’s new cuts and the very fresh one on his stomach. 

“ I needed to do it Aaron. “ Robert explained quietly, hopeless. 

Aaron picked the blade up and throw it into the bin, he stood opposite Robert putting his hands onto either side of him. 

“ You have to talk to me. “ 

Robert shook his head.  
“ It’s better doing it this way. “ he mumbled and Aaron felt something crack inside him. 

“ You always told me its better to speak about it than hurting yourself because it will only hurt more. “ Aaron reminded him.  
“ Please let me help you. “ 

“ you are already helping Aaron. “ 

“ you have been self harming under my nose, you’ve been hiding this and I didn’t even know! How I’m I already helping? “ 

Robert didn’t look at him.  
“ You help with the panic attacks and the nightmares - you try to act normal around me. “ 

“ but you need to talk to me when you need to hurt yourself Robert. “ 

Robert shook his head, tears running down his puffy red cheeks. “ I’m too far gone Aaron. “ 

“ no your not -“ 

“ I am Aaron! “ Robert half shouted, pushing past Aaron but groaned in pain doubling over. Aaron caught him and held him up, he brought Robert to their bedroom and sat him down on the double bed. 

“ I need to clean it for you, it might be infected. “ 

Robert shook his head. “ I don’t want you seeing my body. “ 

“ babe, I don’t want you to get sepsis. Please can I look at it and clean it? “ 

“ fine. “ Robert whispered. Aaron went to get a damp cloth and the A&E box from the kitchen before running back up to Robert who still sat there unmoving. 

“ I’m going to lift your top off okay? “ 

Robert tensed. “ I don’t want you too. “ 

“ Would you rather be in hospital on a IV drip because you’ve got sepsis? I tell you it’s not nice at all Robert. “ 

“ You’re gonna be ashamed of me. “ 

“ I won’t, I see you, just you. “ 

‘ I do see him differently ‘ 

Aaron ignores what he said to Lorna and keeps his focus on Robert. When he gives permission Aaron ever so gently takes off Robert’s jumper and is sickened. There is about 40 or so cuts on Robert’s front with burns and scarring on his pals skin. Aaron can see the bones poking out. 

Aaron gulps, tries to not stare and cleans the dry blood away. The cut itself is fairly long and deep, it is still bleeding. 

“ I’m going to put this bandage on you now. “ Aaron tells him, unwrapping the bandage and putting it onto the cut with the plaster. 

“ is that it? “ Robert asks quietly. 

“ yeh, if we keep cleansing it and changing the bandage it’ll be fine. “ 

“ bet you want to run a mile now don’t you? “ Robert confesses bitterly, Aaron frowns. 

“ why’s that babe? “ 

Robert looks directly at Aaron with red rimmed eyes. “ because look at me! I’m hideous! This isn’t my body Aaron it’s John’s! I’m wrecking his body! “ 

“ John hasn’t taken your body away Robert, this is you, all of it. “ 

Robert shakes his head in denial. “ John has taken me. He has taken everything away from me. I’m nothing. “ 

Aaron sat down next to him grabbing Robert’s hand making him look at him. “ You are not nothing, you’re Robert you understand me? You’re the Robert I fell in love with and married. John hasn’t ruined you. “ 

“ have you not seen my body Aaron? “ Robert sounds tired.  
“ he has ruined my body. He has ruined my mind. “ 

“ You’re bound to be a bit messed up. But he hasn’t taken you away from me. “ 

“ Definitely messed up aren’t I? “ Robert repeats bitterly. 

Aaron sighs softly, taking a deep breath before explaining. “ I thought Gordon ruined me, I didn’t know who I was anymore. But I realised I’m still me. He hasn’t taken me away and John hasn’t taken you away either. “ 

“ I don’t know what to say. “ Robert aimlessly said. “ This feels like johns body and I’m the Robot inside. “ 

Aaron knew what Robert meant.  
“ in time you’ll start to heal. “ Aaron murmured. 

“ It helps, it hurts so bad but it helps me. It makes everything go away. “ Robert explained quietly. 

“ I know baby, I learned and feel it’s better to talk about your problems. After you hurt yourself you become so used to doing it you don’t know how to speak. “ Aaron tried to explain.  
“ you become trapped in your own thoughts. You need to find a way to escape that and talk to me. Or anyone else. “

“ I don’t deserve you Aaron. “ Robert sincerely told him, Aaron hates the pure belief on Robert’s face. 

“ You do Robert. “ Aaron replies confidently. “ You deserve everything. “ 

“ he made me do things though Aaron, I don’t feel like I’m yours. “ Robert’s voice cracked. 

“ you are mine. Just my gorgeous husband whom I love. “ 

Robert wetly laughed. “ I don’t think I’ve ever heard you say whom before. “ 

Aaron grinned softly. “ now you have. “ 

Robert looked at him, had the urge to kiss him on the cheek.  
He leant forward placed a fragile kiss to Aaron’s scruffy jaw. “ love you. “ he whispered. 

“ I love you too. “ Aaron replies back, feeling the happiest bloke on earth. “ I’ll get you a different hoodie to wear and we’ll go downstairs for something to eat if you want? “ 

Robert nodded, getting up wrapping his arms around his waist. He is beyond self conscious. Aaron tuts. “ You don’t need to hide yourself away, especially from me Robert. “

Robert looked like he is about to be sick but ever so slowly he took his hands away from his middle. He mumbled a thanks and put the light grey hoodie on.  
( maybe Aaron purposely picked that one out so Robert couldn’t self harm himself because of the light colour ). ( but he wasn’t completely stupid, there could always be a possibility of Robert self harming again ). 

They walked downstairs and the minute they did someone was at the door. Robert went into over drive, afraid it’ll be John but it was Sam looking genuinely guilty. He also was carrying some sort of wooden box with hay in it as well. 

Aaron stood next to his husband looking at Sam with his usual ‘ what the fuck do you think you’re doing here when you’ve upset my husband look ‘ with his arms folded. 

“ I - Err I’m sorry Robert about before, I didn’t mean to upset you. “ 

Aaron scoffed. “ I think you did more than upset -“ 

Robert placed his hand on Aaron’s bicep. “ leave it Aaron. “  
He told him quietly. “ it’s okay Sam. “ 

Sam cleared his throat. “ I got yous some food - eggs, cheese, sausages, beer as a peace offering. “ 

“ Sam you didn’t have too. “ Robert said, surprised by the kind gesture. 

“ I did, I didn’t know what you’ve been through, and we look after our own. “ Sam shrugged. 

“ Well thanks Sam. “ Aaron grumbled, without any heat behind his words. 

“ I’ll best be going anyway. “ Sam started to turn but Robert stopped him. 

“ You don’t have too -“ 

“ I do I need to kill some more birds. “ 

Lovely. 

“ right... “ 

“ bye. “ Sam awkwardly waved at them both and left The Mill. 

Aaron picked up the beer and looked half pleased. “ Good suppose, getting free grub. “ 

Robert smiled. “ a true Dingle. “ he grinned cheekily, feeling himself a tiny bit. 

“ We could have this as a late breakfast if you want? “ 

“ you mean brunch? “ 

“ I mean late breakfast. “ Aaron deadpanned. 

Robert laughed lightly, Aaron’s smile grew wider seeing his husband. It’s like the old one. 

“ Do you - do you want me to cook it? “ 

Aaron looked surprised. “ Are you sure? “ 

“ yeh. Oddly, want to try feel normal but - but I still feel strange. “ 

“ proud of you I am. “ Aaron told him, sounding proud. He squeezed Robert’s arm and kissed Robert’s shoulder before getting the items out of the wooden box. 

Robert cracks the eggs into the frying pan as he moved sideways to carry on chopping the mushrooms. Aaron sat on the counter watching, suspecting the movements. His husband cooking in their kitchen, it feels completely normal, forgetting about everything else. 

“ I’ve missed this. “ Aaron murmured, watching Robert weakly up turn his lips. 

“ me too. “ 

Aaron waits for him to continue, sensing he has more to say. 

“ It helps to take my mind off things you know? “ he said flatly, putting the mushrooms into the pan. 

“ Well you can cook all the time if it helps ya. “ Aaron smirks softly. “ And also becos I can watch my fit husband cook. “ 

Robert cringed. “ I’m not fit Aaron. “ 

“ You are Rob, I still fancy ya even now. “ Aaron smirked leaning a bit closer. 

Robert shifted looking uncomfortable, can’t hear that now. 

Aaron went back embarrassed. “ Sorry that’s what happens when I talk to much. “ 

“ No it’s okay, thank you. “ Robert faintly smiled. 

Robert carried on cooking the meal with Aaron watching in amazement. The silence was comforting for the both of them, enjoying each other’s company. 

Robert placed the two plates of food onto the table and they sat down together. Aaron started tucking into his but stopped when Robert looked sick. 

“ You okay? “ 

Robert cleared his throat, trying to calm the anxiety down. “ y-yeh fine. “ he put the mushrooms, half of the egg and beans onto the toast and bite into it. He chewed and chewed swallowing it down. 

“ oh yeh you need to take your iron and vitamin pills after that Rob. “ Aaron reminded Robert and just remembered himself. After a few days they kept forgetting and the doctor said Robert needs them to get his levels to stable again. 

Robert hummed knowledging Aaron as he eat the last sausage putting his knife and fork down onto the dirty plate. 

“ That was nice to be fair. “ Robert said, innocently. 

Aaron pointed the half eaten sausage sticking in his fork to Robert grinning. “ you are the best cook. “ he smirked. “ my husband the best chef aren’t ya? “ 

Robert huffed out a laugh.  
“ I don’t know how you coped when I was away. “ 

Oh. 

They have never even talked about that. Robert wasn’t just away was he? 

The atmosphere shifted. 

Robert cleared his throat.  
“ Err’Sorry. “ 

Aaron shook his head swallowing down the food.  
“ no it’s okay. “ 

Robert put the dishes into the dishwasher and Aaron did the same now looking serious.  
“ I didn’t cope Robert. “ Aaron admitted. “ I couldn’t sleep or eat, I was like a man possessed trying to find you. “ 

“ and you did. “ Robert reached out rubbing Aaron’s bicep. 

“ Barely. “ he bitterly said. “ when -“ 

“ I can’t talk about it. I’m not ready. “ Robert said, interrupting. Aaron nodded in agreement seeing the fear laced in Robert’s features. 

Both men turned hearing the door being opened, Aaron walked to the ‘ intruder ‘ already on the defensive as Robert stilled getting images of John coming in. But it was Chas and Paddy. 

“ hiya love. “ Chas smiled at Aaron then Robert. “ I would have visited more but I didn’t know if we’ll be in the way. “ 

“ no of course not mum. “ Aaron said. 

“ how are you Robert? “ Paddy asked standing beside Chas. Paddy wasn’t used to seeing Robert look so fragile before. 

“ F-fine. “ 

“ Yous want something to drink?” Aaron piped in and they nodded their heads asking for a tea. 

Chas walked to Robert and he backed away, scared if he was going to be hurt. “ She isn’t going to hurt you Robert. “ Paddy told him, not meaning to sound so harsh and mocking. 

Robert looked down, like another kick to his already low confidence. 

“ I heard our Sam made you have another trigger before, outside the pub. What did he do? “ Chas asked him, calmly. 

Robert swallowed hard, struggling to speak luckily Aaron stepped behind him saving him.  
“ You want me to tell them for you Rob? “ 

Robert nodded his head, the anxiety making him lose the ability to speak. 

“ Sam smacked his hands down onto Robert’s shoulders happy to see ‘im and Robert had a trigger. He had a flashback basically. “ Aaron explained. 

“ Why did Sam do that? “ Paddy asked the question before Chas did. 

“ Apparently he didn’t know about any of it, he’s been away apparently. “ 

Chas winced guiltily. “ I didn’t tell him, all of us were too busy looking for Robert we forgot to tell him. When I told people in the pub he wasn’t there. Sorry love. “ Chas patted Robert’s shoulder. 

“ it’s fine. “ Robert said, sounding forced. “ I’m going go upstairs. “ 

Aaron’s face paled. “ wait why? “ 

“ I need some space. “ Robert replied and left not letting Aaron say anything more. 

Chas and Paddy looked back at Aaron with pity. “ Aw Love, he’s Changed hasn’t he? “ 

“ Do you expect him to be jumping up and down with happiness? “ Aaron deadpanned. 

“ No. it is just a shock that’s all, we’ve never seen Robert look so drained before. “ 

“ He is broken, but I’m going to do all I can to help him. “ Aaron told them, lowering his voice so Robert won’t hear. Aaron switched the kettle off poured the boiling water into the two mugs. 

“ What about you? “ Paddy asked his son, his main priority. 

Aaron frowned not following.  
“ what about me? “ he repeated passing his parents their drinks. 

“ how are you coping? “ Chas added. 

“ this isn’t about me. “ 

“ But you are involved and we need to support you as well. “ 

Aaron sighed, leaning against the counter. “ I’m sad, upset about Robert. It hurts to see my husband not coping, to see him have flashbacks and triggers when he used to be so heathy and stable. “ 

“ he’s not coping? “ 

“ no, he... - I can’t say. “ 

“ You can Aaron, we won’t tell anyone else. “ Paddy told him, comforting. 

“ He is self harming. “ Aaron confessed, his throat becoming thick. 

“ how did -“ 

“ Today. “ Aaron tells them already knowing the question.  
“ after his flashback we went home and he went straight upstairs to the bathroom. I could tell he was having a panic attack and he wouldn’t let me in. So I burst open the door and there he was with a blade and his stomach cut. “ Aaron explained, quietly. 

“ Isn’t that a trigger for you? “ Chas asked him. 

“ That my husband is self harming? No. “ Aaron said, with some heat behind his words. 

“ But you used to self harm, you went through a similar experience to Robert. Are you not going back to old ways? “ 

“ I haven’t even thought about doing it! This isn’t about me it’s about my husband. “ Aaron defensively stated out. 

“ we know that Aaron, but we know about how you bottle up -“ 

“ I’m seeing a counsellor. “ Aaron interrupted. 

“ are you? “ Paddy said, sounding unconvinced. 

“ yes I am Paddy, I am coping because I’ve got her and all my attention is going to Robert. “ 

Chas grew concerned. “ All your attention going to him? Are you finding a new way to hurt yourself by not looking after you? “ 

“ oh my god. “ Aaron laughed frustrated. “ This isn’t all about me! Yes I used to self harm, yes I was sexually assaulted as I child but it doesn’t mean I put all the focus onto me! I am looking after myself, I am talking to someone, but yes, at the moment my focus is on Robert. Then Liv. “ 

Chas sighed softly. “ I’m sorry love, but you know we worry about you. “ 

“ I know that mum but I much prefer you worrying about Robert too. He’s the one going through something horrendous, even I don’t know what or how to help him. “ 

“ you do Aaron, you’ve been his rock all this time. Sometimes it you just have to be in the presence without saying anything. “ 

Aaron smirked. “ thanks mum. “ he stepped forward and they hugged. When they parted Paddy patted Aaron on the arm. 

“ I’m proud of you Aaron, you’ve matured into the man I always dreamt of you becoming. I’m so proud to call you my son. “ Paddy told him, his eyes glistening a bit. Aaron chuckled, wiping away his tears and hugged him. 

“ thanks pads. “ Aaron said into his shoulder. 

“ We’ll best be going love, tell Robert we’re thinking of him yeh? “ 

“ I will Mum. “ Aaron agreed. When they left Aaron went to look for his upstairs after it’s been more than 10 minutes since he went. Robert was stood by the window still looking out at the cloudy December day.  
Aaron walked to him sliding his hand into Robert’s. 

“ You okay now? “ 

“ yeh. Sorry about before, I just - I felt trapped and I needed to get out of there. “ Robert explained, eyes downcast. 

Aaron rubbed Robert’s upper back subconsciously. “ it’s okay. “He murmured. “ you didn’t -“ 

Robert stilled for a moment, a few seconds late. “ .....no....” 

Aaron pulled away not believing him. “ Show me Robert. “ 

“ No. i haven’t done anything. “ Robert protested, weaker this time. 

“ Show me your arms instead then. “ Aaron assumed. 

Robert shook his head, ashamed. 

“ Rob, please. “ Hs needs to put his mind to rest. Robert sighed and slowly rolled his sleeves up to show dark red nail marks all up his arms with blood coming to the surface. Aaron could tell the old scars are old and some of the cuts as well but have been reopened. Aaron held Robert’s arm stroking the red skin at its wake. Not knowing what to say. 

“ I needed to Aaron. “ Robert said, voice low. 

“ I know babe. “ Aaron whispered. “ it just - hurts me to see you hurting yourself. 

“ I don’t think I’ll get better. “Robert confessed, upset. 

Aaron took Robert into his embrace hugging him. “ You will. “ 

However long it takes Aaron will make Robert better. 

-/- 

The following morning, Robert was being sick in the toilet. He didn’t want to wake Aaron up but he couldn’t do anything about it. He flushed the toilet and wiped his mouth, before going back to bed. Aaron felt the cold hit him and he slowly, half awaken up and reached for Robert’s hand. He dug his face back into the pillow nearly falling back to sleep. 

“ What you doing? “ Aaron half slurred. 

“ Just went to the toilet. “ Robert whispered back, tucking the quilt over them. 

“ You didn’t hurt yourself did you? “ Aaron sleepily said. 

“ No. Go back to sleep. “ Robert kissed Aaron’s hand and they slowly went back to sleep. 

After 9 ‘o’ clock they officially woke up, Aaron didn’t say anything about Robert waking up at 4am to go to the toilet so Robert assumed he can’t remember. They were sitting at the table with Liv eating cornflakes when someone knocked at the door. Aaron huffed wanting one morning to be with his family but didn’t say anything. Victoria walked in when Aaron let her in and she smiled at her brother. 

“ Hiya. Sorry I haven’t seen you in ages. “ 

Robert shrugged his shoulders.  
“ Been busy have you? “ too busy to see your brother? 

“ Yeh, the Woolpack has been dead busy -“ 

Aaron frowned at her from his seating position. “ no it hasn’t. “ 

“ why you lying to him for? “ Liv piped in all 3 of them looking at Victoria. 

“ fine! I couldn’t see you Robert okay? I feel so guilty for not doing enough and now finding out what happened to ya- I couldn’t handle it. “ 

Liv frowned, seeing right through her. “ I felt I didn’t do enough but I haven’t stopped seeing him. “ 

“ But I’m here now aren’t I? “ Victoria weakly smiled. “ I want to be a better sister to you Robert. “ 

Robert looked down twirling his spoon in his hand. “ I don’t know if I’ll be much company. “ 

“ well we can take a walk if you want? “ Victoria suggested, still standing behind the sofa. 

“ Just me and you? “ Robert repeated, wanting to confirm. 

“ yeh, brother and sister time. If you want? “ 

“ yeh okay. “ Robert smiled. He turned to Aaron. “ is that okay with you? “ 

“ Yes Robert, I’m not going to stop you. “ Aaron said, softly. 

“ soo you going to offer me any food then? “ Victoria cheekily said with her usual grin, Robert laughed and got up getting her a bowl. 

-/- 

The two siblings walked down the bridge with their arms hooked together taking in the quietness of the birds chirping and the river running away.

“ How have you been Robert? “ 

Robert shrugged, they found a bench and sat down. “ Not the best. “ 

“ Has Aaron been looking after you? “ 

A natural smile spread onto Robert’s face. “ he has been perfect. He is my rock, without him-“ Robert’s voice hitches. “- without him I wouldn’t be here now. “ 

“ He never stopped when you were gone. “ Victoria replied.  
“ Everyone kept searching for you, but as time past, Aaron became more tired. “ 

“ was he okay? “ Robert grew concerned, nobody said Aaron became tired. 

“ Yeh, he wasn’t hurting himself. But he wasn’t exactly looking after himself, but after chas talking to him he realised he needs to look after himself more. He needs to be ready when you got home. “ 

“ Aaron never said, or well he said he was like a man possessed but nothing about this. “ 

“ He wouldn’t Rob, he doesn’t want to worry you. When you’re doing through this. “ 

“ It isn’t just me though is it? Everyone is affected also. “ 

Victoria squeezed Robert’s hands. “ mainly you though. “ 

Robert sighs, doesn’t have anything to say, mentally tired. 

“ what are the police doing then? “ Victoria asked, filling the silence. 

“ went to the station yesterday to give a statement. “ Robert said shortly. “ The evidence we already have and my statement we could get him sent down. “ 

“ Is Aaron waiting for his? “ 

Robert shrugged. “ Yeh I assume so. “ 

“ I’m proud of you Robert. “ 

Another person saying that. He is barely coping. 

“ Why? “ 

“ You have been through all this and you’re still here. “ Victoria explained. “ You are stronger than you really think. “ 

“ No I’m not. “ The images of him self harming come to mind. 

“ You’ll soon believe it. “ Victoria said, lightly. 

Robert looked at her, biting his lip anxiously. “ I don’t want to talk about that now. “ 

“ what do you want to talk about then? “ 

“ Sitting here not doing anything will be nice. “ Robert explained. He’s done too much talking lately, he thrives for the peace. Robert opens his arm and tucks his little sister beside him as they sit in comfortable silence. 

He has gotten used to the silence for too long now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading   
> Autocorrect is really messing up everything so I’m sorry if there are mistakes I’ve missed. 
> 
> ( side note ) 
> 
> I’ve been thinking about doing a bonus chapter for my “ Black and purple against my pale skin “ about a alternative ending for Robert? Would anyone want to read it? Also it’s a idea but I just need to think of how it’ll be shaped out/ideas.


End file.
